Being overlooked

[OhMyDarling]

Single parent to 14 yr old.
We don’t have much money, don’t go on holiday, can’t afford for DD to go on school residential trips (s. Africa, skiing, Iceland) related to her gcse courses. Don’t want violins- I am more than aware that many children/teens will miss out on these things.
But what really really annoys me is that even though her school teachers and gym coach etc know she often misses out on the experiences her peers have enjoyed, she never gets chosen for the free limited space trips- theatre trips, new classes (when they have always said she has a natural aptitude for all things gymnastics and dance related), funded days out (like through the schools jack petchy award) etc etc
....it’s really getting on my nerves and it’s upsetting her so much!

She’s such a well behaved, well mannered child. Always has been. School reports have always backed this up. So it’s def not her behaviour that is the issue.
I think that as she is so quiet she is constantly overlooked.
How can I get her noticed? How do I get her to get herself noticed?

[mcmen71]

Why dont you ask the school what is there method for choosing students for these trips.

[OhMyDarling]

When I brought it up before, they’ve said that they allocated according to positive behaviour records (my daughter has never had a negative behaviour point in nearly 4 years and gets the platinum awards for positive behaviour points every year) and ‘need’.
My friends kid always get chosen- she’s stolen money off a friend at school (cue big dramas) and sent bitchy social media messages about other teens with horrid photoshopped pictures of them. Another never does homework in one subject as they’ve had a run in with the teacher and now refuses- other teachers always put him in for fun treat things.
I’m so frustrated by it all.

[Blessthekids]

It is often the case if you don't ask you don't get in this society. I would contact head of year and have a word informing them that your dd is interested in all these opportunities. They may mistakenly assume because she is quiet she's indifferent to them.

[Pipandmum]

In our school you get house points for various reasons. It started being obvious that kids who tended to misbehave got more house points than those who always behaved well because they were rewarded for the times they actually behaved. It was being used like a star chart. The kids get a small prize and a mention at school assembly. It seemed totally unfair to not reward the kids who behaved well all the time. The kids felt overlooked. It was brought to the heads attention and then kids were given house points not just for good behaviour but achievements in other areas. It evened it out a bit. If I were you I’d go back to the head and explain more forcefully that it is not fair to basically punish a child who behaves well all the time, and rewards others who only behave well occasionally!

[Wallywobbles]

I have a talented niece. She never gets picked for the team because she never kicks off when she's not chosen despite beating all those that are chosen. If she kicked off more or her parents did, she'd be chosen. It's shit but it's true. Soul destroying for the good nice kind smiley kids though. And a shitty lesson to reach the brats.