With thanks to Billybagpuss for inspiration for the title and to Ticklingcheese and many other parents of teens who are emerging from the worst, or currently going through it, this is a support thread for parents who are being driven to despair by their teens. It is a continuation of this previous thread where many of us clubbed together to exchange experiences, possible strategies and understanding of what can be a very draining, isolating and distressing time for all!
Tin hats on everybody for round two! 
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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.
Teenagers
Holding on to the end of the rope; life in the bunker with the Po Ts, where parenting a teen is having an adverse effect on our mental health
999 replies
Pegsinarow · 13/05/2019 08:31
OP posts:
Pegsinarow ·
13/05/2019 10:18
Waves to McMen71
Oh and I forgot to thank TheGodmother for our group name, the PO Ts 
I should probably also explain that the "holding on to the end of the rope" reference comes from Billybagpuss's post at 01/04/2019 15:09 in the previous thread linked above which quotes a letter from "a" teenager who entreats us parents to stay solid and strong and hang in there while they thrash about and fight the line as they make the difficult transition to adulthood.
Several other helpful things emerged from the previous thread. First, so many of us are experiencing the same challenges or extraordinarily similar behaviour from our teens, in all sorts of different households and circumstances, that it can't all be down to poor parenting, despite what a tiny fraction of posters tried to tell us! So, whilst acknowledging our own mistakes and less than perfect parenting, and trying to find solutions and expert guidance, we also need to try and ditch the guilt and feelings of failure.
Second, we feel isolated because there is a tendency for parents of teens not to share the difficulties they are going through in rl, as openly as they would about a toddler or baby.
Third , it is evident there isn't as much state help available for teens as required, CAMHS for example is very over-stretched and under-resourced.
Also, it was suggested by some posters distancing ourselves from the very personal remarks and being slightly less "available" can be helpful and Tarragonsauce (25/03/2019 17:04 ) said that picking our battles, addressing our own symptoms, keeping in mind (with reference to school non-attendance, exam failure, bf issues) that there is more than one way to skin a cat, and remembering that "this too shall pass" can be helpful strategies.
Daintytoes explained an extremely helpful model of parent-child interaction at 07/04/2019 23:O6
And Corona posted a helpful guardian article at 05/04/2019. 09: 19
And last but definitely not least, thank you to each and every contributor to the first thread. I don't think I have ever read a Mumsnet thread that was so heartfelt and where each
poster was so helpful, all at the same time! Most of all, it's just so great to feel we are not alone 
OP posts:
Pegsinarow ·
13/05/2019 10:48
Argh, sorry, don't know how I have forgotten this (menopausal fog really kicking in today), what I meant to say in last point of "summary" below, very importantly, was to thank all the posters like Tickling and Billy and so many others who have "come through the other side" and taken the time to come on here and give us hope that things will be ok in the end Thank you!
And the point about the guardian article referenced below that it contained a very useful nugget about "listen to the emotional content" behind the words, which I personally have found very helpful.
Wish all of that had been contained in one more cogent post, but never mind 
Right you lot, I'm leaving you to it and and am off to sort my tech issues! Hope the week is as stress-free as possible, given that exams are afoot!
OP posts:
Pegsinarow ·
13/05/2019 11:43
Tickling don't worry I'm going to give the bird brain a rest now and back away now and drink gin leave everyone to it!
Have cranked up the old main frame and kicked it in to shape. No e-mail from Mumsnet HQ as yet about Xerox's idea of a webchat though. Here's hoping!
OP posts:
Pegsinarow ·
13/05/2019 11:46
But, while I am here 
welcome MrsBlondie! It varies so much, that the best advice is to take it day by day I think and try not to worry too much about the future! And as mentioned previously, other parents will be starting to experience problems, you are not alone, they just aren't talking about it
OP posts:
Parsley65 ·
13/05/2019 15:24
Yes, thank you Pegs and all the other regulars who are helping to keep me sane throughout my DD's turbulent teens for the past months!
She has her first GCSE tomorrow...
When she first started self harming a couple of years ago I was very reluctant to talk to anyone about it. As far as I knew, none of of my friends teens had gone through any angst and were all sailing along in calm waters.
Then I remembered many years ago how I'd broken the news about a miscarriage and by talking about it the floodgates opened and suddenly several other people were telling me all about their experiences.
This gave me courage to broach the subject about DD's MH problems and I've been very surprised at how many other seemingly perfect families have stories to tell. Then there are the friends who don't have any experience, but have been very supportive of me.
It has been a very tough time for us, but DD has been taking her AD's regularly and there is a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel.
Good luck to all other parents - especially those on the exam treadmill
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