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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

AIBU

32 replies

mumzy11960 · 13/04/2019 18:56

my dd is 16 and most of her friends stay out in a village until 11pm /12am in the summer and I've said that's completely not happening in our house. It's only a 15min drive and the majority of her friends live there. I know most of them and they are all REASONABLY safe but I know the boys smoke weed and dd does NOS quite a lot. AIBU to say that 9pm is the curfew.
Also would help a lot if you let me know any of your dd/ds freedom in the summer after gcses

OP posts:

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anangalou · 13/04/2019 18:59

9pm is silly. You're dd will rebel if you're not careful. She's not far off being an adult.

mumzy11960 · 13/04/2019 19:00

@anangalou that was my DH decision I was thinking more like 10:30

OP posts:

HowlsMovingBungalow · 13/04/2019 19:03

16yrs old is a bit harsh for the 9pm curfew - weed smoking occurs anytime of the day.

11pm is reasonable to me.

HowlsMovingBungalow · 13/04/2019 19:04

What Is NOS?

mumzy11960 · 13/04/2019 19:06

@HowlsMovingBungalow it's nitric oxide- basically laughing gas

OP posts:

DramaAlpaca · 13/04/2019 19:06

Between 11pm & midnight is more reasonable for a 16 year old, she's a young adult not a child.

mumzy11960 · 13/04/2019 19:08

11pm sounds so late to me, she's my eldest so never done this before really anxious! X

OP posts:

itbemay1 · 13/04/2019 19:10

At 16 my DD was out till 11, we live in London

mumzy11960 · 13/04/2019 19:14

The thing is that they aren't really doing anything just lingering about the town

OP posts:

HowlsMovingBungalow · 13/04/2019 19:15

Your daughter knows you can die from the inhaling that drug doesn't she? You can suffocate from the lack of oxygen.

DramaAlpaca · 13/04/2019 19:16

Hang on a minute - I didn't know what NOS was before I posted & I admit I know nothing about it, but if I found out one of my teens was doing anything risky with illegal substances (which I assume this is) I'd be considering grounding them.

HowlsMovingBungalow · 13/04/2019 19:16

www.talktofrank.com/drug/nitrous-oxide#the-risks

cliquewhyohwhy · 13/04/2019 19:16

At 16 I was going to the pub and coming home whenever I wanted lol. I think 11 is a good curfew.

BackforGood · 13/04/2019 19:25

It isn't about the hour on the clock. It is about what she is doing.
None of mine have ever "hung around taking drugs". That is what I would be tackling if I were you. The time is irrelevant here.
My dd is going out to a midnight showing of a film in this holidays, so will be back in the early hours, but that is because it is a "thing" to see it when it is first released apparently. However, she wouldn't be going out until 9pm if she were hanging about taking drugs. Stop normalising it.

worl · 13/04/2019 19:30

If you treat her with a 9 pm curfew, prepare for her coming home the next day, and in a mess, possibly even taking harder drugs, heading back at 11:30 sounds right, so she gets back at quarter to.

worl · 13/04/2019 19:32

@BackforGood How would you know

mumzy11960 · 13/04/2019 19:37

I am definitely not normalising it, she knows the effects of the drugs and I trust her to make the right decision she is very sensible and if I ever found out she did I would be grounding her.

OP posts:

BackforGood · 13/04/2019 19:48

How would I know what? That they had been taking drugs ?

Do you not think you could tell from the smell, from changed reactions, from where they were and how they were acting when you picked them up, or they arrived home ?

OKBobble · 13/04/2019 19:48

But you are ok with her using NOS which can cause brain damage or death. She can do that before 9pm it seems but that's ok?

Ginger1982 · 13/04/2019 20:06

I would say 10.30/11pm

Farmerswifey12 · 13/04/2019 20:11

Laughing gas aside I agree 9pm is ridiculous for that age. I'm sure I didn't have a curfew at 16 at all, my parents more stipulated that I stayed safe. I could come and go as I pleased but wasn't to walk home alone etc, messaged with updates etc. I'd say 11pm

happyhillock · 13/04/2019 20:18

I would say 10.30pm - 11pm, 12pm is to late, 9pm for a 16 year old is a bit of a joke really.

Sparklingbrook · 13/04/2019 20:19

I was out nightclubbing most nights at 15, but I am not sure that's comparable now.
The laughing gas thing would worry me, but you have to trust your Dc to make sensible choices.

9pm is way too early for a curfew, 11pm would be better.

spritesandunicorns · 13/04/2019 20:29

I don’t think I had a curfew at that age. I did let my parents know where I was going but I was fairly sensible. I would be in pubs or clubs but seems to be a lot harder without ID these days. If she’s sensible can you let her earn your trust?

Shrewbie · 13/04/2019 20:39

#OP ignore the odd parenting advice from these do called parents, this is why there is so much antisocial behaviour these days. On a school night I'd say 9-10pm curfew, more 9pm if they've got GCSEs. Can't believe some of these posts. Weekends are different though, 11ish maybe then.

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