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How much do you dictate what your teen can/ cannot wear

(75 Posts)
BackInTime Mon 11-Mar-19 09:09:45

Just interested to know how much you dictate about what clothes, make up and jewellery their teens wear. I have friends that seem to be quite strict particularly with their DDs and will insist on choosing clothes with them, that they only wear minimal makeup and only tiny stud earrings if any at all (earrings are chavy apparently). That's not to say that all of them actually obey the rules. They have been known to change clothes or put more make up on as soon as they leave the house.

Personally I'm somewhere around in the middle. I let DD make her own choices and shop for herself and will try to advise and guide rather than dictate. It might not always be to my taste but isn't choosing your own clothes and experimenting with makeup part of what being a teenager is all about.

OP’s posts: |
Nnnnnineteen Tue 12-Mar-19 22:07:27

I was a teenage goth and as a now parent of a teenager am stunned at how well my parents managed not to pass comment!! Mine is currently reasonably tame (though compared to my friend's kids dresses like siouxsie soux ) but the only thing I insist on is non slogan t Shirts in nice restaurants. Other that, I just say nothing and let her crack on.

MariaNovella Tue 12-Mar-19 22:12:41

DD (14) doesn’t often go shopping with friends/ without me. I help choose most of her clothes - I’m pretty much her personal shopper smile, so I don’t have issues with what she wears. Her ears have been pierced since she was 7 but she rarely wears any jewellery or makeup. She has a good haircut and takes care of her skin. I think she is quite aware of her “look” and that it’s a bit more sophisticated than many girls her age. I think she’s beautiful wink

Boulezvous Tue 12-Mar-19 22:18:21

I've never had issues with my DD's dressing apart from her ghastly saccharine preferences when little. I was an experimental teen, dying my hair etc. My DD has quite a few ear piercings and on her nose from 16 and at 18 had a very tasteful tattoo. Her clothes were never too crazy but they were usual for her age. She has always been into fashion but being trendy her style is not super tarty. Crop tips but baggy tea lies and trainers fir a night out. Never had a problem.

Being young is to experiment. There's a lot of years to be boring and prim.

Ohyesiam Tue 12-Mar-19 22:22:49

I don’t supervise it at all.
I really hate that it’s wall to wall Adidas and Nike, She’s bright but the whole brand thing is such brain washing.
I imagine that as she gets older she will develop a style of her own, i can’t wait ! She does look god in sports stuff though.

Actually I did intervene with make up, I got her some really expensive foundation because it’s invisible ( but v flattering), and showed her the less is more thing. It’s pointless though as she has great skin....

Ohyesiam Tue 12-Mar-19 22:24:38

God not godblush

Ohyesiam Tue 12-Mar-19 22:25:07

Oh holy Moses GOOD!!!

EmperorBallpitine Tue 12-Mar-19 22:33:54

Lol I despair about mine and her lack of interest in appearance! I have no problem with her choices but if anything she's so plain and simple sometimes I long for her to ask for make up advice or a shopping trip! All she wants is a couple of boys hoodies we got together, jeggings and loose t shirts. Her hair is just a simple chin length bob. I asked if she wanted her ears pierced but she said no! Her school favors a non pierced clean look, make up and dyed hair not allowed so I guess she just wants an easy life.
To look at her you'd think she had a strict conservative even prudish mother, she only wears knee skirts! I bought her a cute top and shorter skirt in the summer for holiday and she wore it but complained about feeling weird so i let her give it away. Its just her choice though.

Chimchar Tue 12-Mar-19 22:34:07

I was very controlled by my mum as a teen, well in to adulthood and I utterly resented it.

I try to be open minded about how my teens dress. I offer advice when asked for it. So far, they're all pretty cool and have their own looks going on.

I really think that experimenting and finding your way is part of growing up.

Hair will grow. Bad colour choices can be re dyed. Piercings can be removed. Life is too short to fall out over fashion! smile

iVampire Tue 12-Mar-19 22:38:22

I request certain standards for family and formal events, and to date that has been unproblematic.

Otherwise, totally up to them. What are the teens years for, if not for experimentation and some ghastly mistakes? (Harmless ones, one hopes, but do get photos - you’ll look back on even the worst excesses fondly one day)

I’m trying to fend off tattoos though. Because that’s rather more durable, find with Sharpie and henna versions though

ILoveMaxiBondi Tue 12-Mar-19 22:43:16

Very little. I do nudge him sometimes to tie his hair back for school because a couple of teachers have said he needs to but he won’t and so far they haven’t given him any consequences so I leave it be.

Clothes wise he doesn’t offend anyone so I leave him be. He’s clean daily so I’m happy.

BackforGood Tue 12-Mar-19 22:43:27

Well, there is a world of difference between a 13 yr old and a 19 yr old, but still, I've never dictated, but tried to help them understand that "there's a time and a place" - so given a bit of advice before a wedding or a funeral or an interview, where, IMVHO, it does matter what you wear and how you present yourself, but let them do what they want to at most other times.
tbf though, they've pretty much been able to choose what they wear a lot of the time from when they were pretty small.

gt84 Tue 12-Mar-19 22:44:17

I have boys and they pretty much choose their own clothes. I only request no tracksuit bottoms for restaurants or visiting our friends/family. Oh and I have to dictate when I want them to wear a coat otherwise no coat would be worn, ever.
“No, a school blazer is not a coat!”

EmperorBallpitine Tue 12-Mar-19 22:47:41

A school blazer is not a coat grin I recognize this statement. No, your blazer is not "practically waterproof".

callmekitten Tue 12-Mar-19 22:48:04

As long as she's dress appropriately for weddings and funeral, I don't care about the rest.

Ringdonna Wed 13-Mar-19 09:09:36

Until she is 18 we keep a close eye on clothing etc.

Firefliess Wed 13-Mar-19 09:33:19

I've told them what's expected at formal events that they might not have much experience of, and generally they ask on such ocassions so there's no conflict.

The only other times I've interviened have been with teenage DDs who intend to go out to a party wearing a bra top/very short skirt/fishnets/ high heals and walk home late at night. I've insisted they take better shoes to change into, or a jacket to cover up as it seems naive to me to walk home like that. But I've not stopped then wearing the clothes they want (or lack of clothes...) at the party itself.

Ohyesiam Wed 13-Mar-19 13:50:50

Several people have mentioned formal events and i realise that I got it wrong by being too hands off. Her cadets were doing a formal Christmas dinner, and she wanted to wear a little dress with converse, because all her friends “would be in trainers and converse”. They were actually all in heels.

woodcutbirds Wed 13-Mar-19 13:54:55

I don't. They wear what they like. The only time I intervene is if there is a dress code for something and they aren't meeting it. Even then, I just mildly point out that they might not get in or the school might be embarrassed if they don't dress as expected when invited to a special occasion etc.

I really don't think it's my business what they wear, although I often offer to buy DS2 some basic casuals, as his out-of-school-uniform clothes are very unusual and arty. They stick out in an area where everyone else wears Jack Wills, Adidas and Superdry. But he doesn't care, and i admire him for that.

multivac Wed 13-Mar-19 14:01:42

I have two 14-year-old boys. I buy their basic clothes, and am pretty much guided by them in terms of colours, styles etc. - but I don't have the budget for brands, so if they want those, they have to save up and buy them. Essentially, we're talking very skinny jeans; tunic-like tshirts; and hoodies.

The younger of the two is largely dressed by his girlfriend these days. It seems to involve a lot of Adidas. The older likes a palette of black and khaki. And they both have big, floppy fringes, which I adore and they will look back on with embarrassment in ten years' time....

Looneytune253 Wed 13-Mar-19 14:20:42

I’ve always let my dd choose for herself tbh and she cut/dyed her hair from about 11 so I feel like I’m quite relaxed, however, more recently she’s been wearing very very short skirts where you can see her bottom and it’s really hard to get her to understand. She just doesn’t care who looks.

stdmumihope Wed 13-Mar-19 15:46:24

I have told my daughter i'm fine with what she wears, as long as she doesn't dress like a prostitute. Seems to be working so far!

SilentSister Wed 13-Mar-19 15:52:18

I tried to be hands off, and just mention in passing whether something was not quite right. She ignored me of course. She always dressed quite well, but lots of black, and lots of heavy make up with heavy black eyeliner, bit EMO. The other day going through old photo's we had the classic "How could you have let me go out looking like that"???!!!! Well I did say........ grin

JamesLe Wed 13-Mar-19 16:04:09

What do you think about all these clothes with marijuana prints? My 9 years old doter want me to buy socks with this stuff. I still don't understand how this can be so popular among our children. There're so many children in the US have addiction. I've read a post about this on Addiction Resources recently. It's really dangerous. Numbers terrified me. On my mind, if we don't want to see how our children became addicted, we should draw attention even on such things.

10IAR Wed 13-Mar-19 16:07:02

I won't fund ridiculous purchases (such as the £600 winter coat requested once) but other than that I'm not really one for laying down the law.

DSDs come shopping with us and pick their own stuff. Unless it's got something massively offensive on it or its ridiculously expensive they have free rein.

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