How would you deal with this?

[firefirefire]

Feeling devastated right now at my son's behaviour (15 ).

He is the loveliest teenager until you mention that he has to do his homework (and come off his playstation). It's like a switch . He is at a rubbish school and very rarely gets homework, so he has private tutoring to get him through y11. If I didn't nag, he'd be on his Xbox literally 24/7

Anyway, tonight he was meeting his friends after school and I said I'd collect him at 5pm to come home for his tutor lesson. I text him and said 'see our at 5pm' and he said 'no you won't'
To cut a long sorry short he has refused to come home and gone to his dad's where he says he is now going to live! All because he needed to do an hour's work.

He has called me a cunt, a prick and called me mental. He did all this Infront of his friends who sounded like they were loving it.

He has text me saying I don't love him and out of all my children he is the only one I nag and tell off. This isn't really true, it's only because he is the only one who won't get off his arse to do things .

It is a battle to get him to do anything because of his playstation - going to bed is a battle, school work a battle, getting him to the bus in time is a battle.

His dad is being supportive but I am feeling humiliated and devastated that he has got his own way, missed his lesson and has refused to come home.

I just don't know what to do.

I haven't remained very calm

[Sleepthiefismyfavourite]

Sounds just like my 15 year old son! Honestly, they sound exactly the same!

I'm really struggling with him too, and worried that I'm needing up my relationship with him for ever as all I seem to do is have to nag him

I have younger children too (babies) so my relationship with them is obviously very different, and he also stops off to his dads!

[Sleepthiefismyfavourite]

*messing up

[Wolfiefan]

If he’s behaving so badly why does he still have the PlayStation? Work first. Then friends.

[HollowTalk]

He spoke to you really badly and was showing off in front of his stupid friends. I would say that yes, he could go to his dad's until he's ready to apologise.

Don't give in on this one, OP. He needs to learn a really hard lesson. Imagine how he'll speak to female partners in the future if he doesn't learn a lesson now.

[Villanellesproudmum]

Good bye PlayStation! Money to be paid back for the lost tutor session.

[Haggisfish]

Yep I’d be taking a hardline PlayStation approach. It’ll be bloody hard but worth it. I’d also expect his dad to back you up and bloody well send him home to apologise. And then a discussion where it is made clear he will still need to do the work at his dads house, too.

[Drum2018]

Box up the PlayStation for a start. He does not deserve to get near it after that rant. I'd be inclined to let dad have a few days with him to give you a break. But dad would have to be on the same page as you regarding homework etc.

[TopBitchoftheWitches]

He called you those names?

If any of mine did that, they are 20, 18, 17, 15 and 14 they would see the sharp side of me. I would do nothing for them, remove all privileges and barely even acknowledge them until they at least apologised.

[firefirefire]

Sleepthiefismyfavourite - exactly how I feel. I feel like our relationship is getting wrecked beyond repair. And because he can always run to his dad it is even worse.

Part of me thinks that I should just totally stop nagging him, give up spending my hard earned money on his extra lessons etc and let him make his bed, and lie in it.

[firefirefire]

Thank you playstation going into the loft and memberships to the live thing have been cancelled. No pocket money coming his way for a long time.
Luckily his dad and partner seem to be on board and he is having to do some work at theirs. No doubt he will be totally pleasant about it though, as he always is to them.

[Wolfiefan]

Beware the long time thing. Can make them feel they have nothing to lose. Make it a defined period of time.

[Easterbunnyiscomingsoon]

My ds has a medical condition so a bit different but we sat and agreed a time management plan for his social /school work hours. I reminded him an education won't fall into his lap, he needs one to get a job or be no Xbox gaming as he will be skint.
Bad attitude =no phone too ups here.
No spends.
No mates over.
No sleeping out.
No WiFi.
No chores =make you own tea.
When his older db played the df's house is better I told him to stay there if it made him happier.
A year in he went nc with df.
He is a great student now and a pleasure.
Tough love op.