My 15 year old dd had arranged for one of her 16 year old male friends to come over to the house on Friday evening. DH is out on Friday night and I am away at the moment so no parental supervision. We have never met this friend of hers although we have heard a lot about him.
DD1 sees him as a really good friend although she only really speaks to him over snapchat and has met up with him a handful of times over the past couple of years that she’s known him. I’ve talked to her numerous times about being internet savvy but It seems to be falling on deaf ears. She thinks they are super close and I know nothing about the situation (she’s possible correct about this, but this is the main problem here. If I met him I may think differently!).
I’ve told her that I’m not happy for her to have any friends round the house that we don’t know while we aren’t there let alone a male friend that I don’t feel she even knows that well. To add to the uneasy feeling about this, she doesn’t want me to meet him at all although she’s happy for her dad to meet him. Maybe because I’m stricter about this sort of thing that DH.
I’m not trying to control who her friends are, but I do want to know who my daughter is spending time with alone in our house at the age of 15. Not to mention who is being allowed into my home while I’m not there full stop!
Her dad is so lax about this sort of thing as he grew up with zero boundaries so he doesn’t see much of a problem. Only when I spelt it out to him could he see my point of view.
My mum thinks if I come down hard on her about this they will just meet up elsewhere regardless.
Another layer to this issue is that I can see traits in dd1 that other people only acknowledge when pointed out. She comes across as very mature to most but in actual fact she is very naive in many ways and is far too trusting of people. She struggles massively with her self esteem and has had past mental health problems which are vastly improved recently. She finds it very difficult to recognise when people are joking/ teasing her. She doesn’t pick up on subtle social cues or even obvious ones sometimes. She is also a massive people pleaser. Frustratingly I seem to be the only person that notices these traits in her. Only when I listed all of these points to her mental health worker did she acknowledge that she does in fact behave in this way and they gave us a questionnaire to fill in re ASD. I always knew she wouldn’t get a diagnosis, which she didn’t, but this all adds to my discomfort about her inviting people into the house that we don’t know. She just doesn’t read situations or people in the way that makes me feel comfortable.
I’m not even sure what my question is. I really don’t feel I’m being unreasonable about this but I would appreciate other points of view on this issue. DD1 is very sensible and capable in many ways and has previously shown that she is a pretty good judge of character despite the traits I’ve mentioned above.
I suppose I’m wondering if I’m being a bit overprotective of her because everyone else I talk to seems so unboundaried with this sort of thing.
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15 year old DD having male friends over. AIBU to feel uncomfortable?
16 replies
FlamingGalar · 26/02/2019 19:13
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