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18year old Dd

(10 Posts)
Monica53 Wed 20-Feb-19 13:35:24

Hi there

Just wondering as our 18 DD keeps informing us "Her friends parents give them money" every month and these friends don't have to work?. We believe that it is important for teens to work PT to gain life/social skills experience even when at college/6th form, I personally was living on my own at 18 and paying bills.

We as a family have a small income I work FT and OH is retired on state pension,

Im fed up hearing the same thing off DD - yes she is working a few hours a week though keeps harping on saying I want to give up work and you give me month - I'm afraid that ain't happening. Also she is hoping to be a uni come September so we've had the discussion about budgetting etc and also her own time management as we also get the usual I haven't got time!!,

Thoughts and advice etc. Thank you for reading x

OP’s posts: |
VioletCharlotte Wed 20-Feb-19 13:46:54

My DS is nearly 18 and at sixth form. I give him an allowance of £160 a month. He has to use this for lunch at college, haircuts, and for anything else he wants or needs. I also pay for his phone. In return for this, he does all the cleaning at home and some washing, dog walking, etc.

His college course is pretty full on, and he plays football one night a week and on a Saturday so doesn't have much free time to work. I think is important that he focuses on college at the moment. He will be looking for a summer job.

Ultimately though, if you can't afford to give her money, then that's fair enough.

VimFuego101 Wed 20-Feb-19 13:48:06

I agree with you regarding the part time job. If I could afford it I might top up earnings but would not allow her to quit.

Oddsocksandmeatballs Wed 20-Feb-19 13:56:17

My children are now older but I couldn't afford to give them an allowance once they turned 18 so if they wanted money they had to work for it. She has a job if she wants spending money then she keeps working, if she gives up work she gives up her income and it is not supplemented by her parents.

erja Wed 20-Feb-19 20:12:28

There's no reason she shouldn't be working part time at 18. I'd probably pay big expenses (like car insurance) if she needs stuff like that but wouldn't be giving any sort of 'pocket money' at 18! She's an adult and is able to hold down a job for 1-2 days a week. I know 15 year olds doing that!

corythatwas Thu 21-Feb-19 08:40:03

I gave mine a very small monthly allowance while they were still at school; ds (18) is still getting £30 a month. Dd was not in good health and coping with college was just as much as she could do. Hasn't made any kind of difference to her ability to cope later in life: she manages the balance between HE and work perfectly fine and makes do without money if she isn't able to earn it.

Weenurse Thu 21-Feb-19 08:44:43

Mine have always worked part time and balanced work, study and sport. Also they are responsible for own washing, cooking for the family 1 night a week, cleaning kitchen twice a week, along with other chores.
Do her friends go to private school and have wealthy parents.

BackforGood Sat 23-Feb-19 20:54:15

I don't 'make' my dc work. They choose to work, as they want the money to spend.
Don't stress yourself about it, just make it clear that it is entirely her choice if she works or not, but if she wants to {insert however she spends her money}, then how is she expecting to be able to do that, without an income.

donajimena Sat 23-Feb-19 21:02:08

My mum gave me a basic allowance at 18. Very basic. If I wanted the highlife (Miss Selfridge as opposed to Primark) I had to work for it so I did. Was I bitter? Yes. But what 18 year old wouldn't be grin I love my parents dearly

Bouledeneige Sat 23-Feb-19 21:21:32

My DD18 is at foundation art school. So did A levels last year but will go to university next year. Her travel in London costs £100 per month which I pay. I also give her £100 per month to live on. She works (pretty hard) at a posh cinema and earns the rest. I fundamentally agree they should learn to earn, thats a skill for life right? And there is a limit on everything we can pay for - they have to know what is extra.

I might sound like I give a lot of money but I'm trying to incentivise earning not make her pay for everything. We all make judgements whats fair, they will always have richer friends. Its relative.

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