My son is self-destructive

[Emma2019]

With months before his ALevel’s, and after a huge confrontation with his father - who apparently had him by the throat with one hand whilst trying to yank the towel from around his waist, an event that has left him feeling physically and psychologically abused, my beloved son is unraveling, tragically, and it seems I am helpless to stop his self destruction. I scoured every article possible in case there might be a magic sentence that will restore his self-belief and silence the self-loathing that tells him he's a failure, and it's too late to catch up by May for his A Levels. Although he has an unconditional offer from one place, it's not what he wanted. He chose to live with his father, he's sleeping on a friends sofa atm. I'm about to sign the lease on a six-month rental, leave my work, and police/support him through this time. This will cost me £8,000 approx in bills alone. Tonight he's saying he's going to drop out tomorrow. He's barely gone into school for months, its a Grammar School too, and the staff are excellent - but nothing will work unless G wants it to. No one can do it for him, and l think the responsibility fears him, and that fear of future failure has created a kind of paralysis that is manifesting through self destructive behavior: risk-taking, recreational drugs, and consequently, not sleeping, absenteeism, and falling behind. I'm moving down to kent to support him. I've found a flat opposite the school. I've bought an exam wall planner and other things. I just wish he could find the courage to turn this around. It's heartbreaking.

[notaflyingmonkey]

Hi Emma I feel your pain. DS's behaviour is very similar, and got him kicked out of college at the end of last year. He's now supposedly working with tutors to get the the last part of his A levels, but he is incapacitated with the stress of how far behind he is. I asked a friend who does learning support to sit with him yesterday to help him map out a revision plan, but he was like a brick wall.

I got him counselling, but he stopped going as he said it made no difference. As you say, we can't do it for them, but like you I keep trying to come up with solutions which aren't working, or aren't taken up, so what the bloody hell do we do?

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

How are things tonight Emma?