Beaten up by my teen son how do I help him

[bubblishous]

My son is 16 he's been abusing me for yrs plus drug abuse social services an police did nothing he finally beat me up badly new yrs eve an moved out not heard from him since apparently he hates me an making allegations about me to the social to have my 8 yr old removed stupid thing is i now miss him so much hardest thing I think Iv been through...
I don't know how to help him he's was in custody the other night for smashing his gf home up he's living in a ymca with young offenders an drug users I feel helpless to save him

[BagpussAteMyHomework]

Oh that sounds so hard... I have no suggestions but it sounds like he needs help and isn’t ready to get it. How about you? Who is supporting you?

[Mmmmbrekkie]

If you want your 8 year old son back, you are going to have to take a huge step back and distance yourself from him

[bubblishous]

My 8 yr old is still with me my eldest is making up allegations in the hope to have him removed.. my eldest got both children on child protection register which I got them both off just before Xmas..
social services have told me to move on with my life but how to I just forget him especially when he needs help he's badly into Xanax plus the weed he's going to end up in jail I don't know what there is I can do

[ShelleyMae]

Oh you poor thing 😢😢.
Presumably SS know your son is making things up to get your youngest removed? In which case they should not take a great deal of notice of him.

Why does he have so much hatred do you think? It’s probably worsened with the drug use, but presumably he was hateful before getting into drugs?

He hatred is directed towards you and he seems to blame you for everything he feels, he must be in turmoil himself.

Did something bad happen in his early childhood that he blames you for?

I think as hard as it is you need to continue to distance yourself. I would try occasional text or phone call to him just to let him know you still love him, want to help him and are there for him if he feels ready to talk. I would try and reinforce how although his behaviour is totally unacceptable, he needs help and you are there to help him. He must be hurting inside also.

He’s still very young and can turn his life around- try and be positive x

[Clutterbugsmum]

I don't think you can do anything other then to protect yourself and your 8 yr old.

It's all down to him to make his life better. He now an adult and so his choices are adult choices and the consequences are down to him.

Whatever you do don't throw your younger son under the bus to have a relationship with him other wise you risk losing both of your children.

[wishingforapositiveyear]

Where is your son living now?

[Clutterbugsmum]

bubblishous has said in her OP her son is in a YMCA with young offenders.

[thefirst48]

You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. He is in the best place so for now you do nothing. He needs to realise his actions have consequences.

[Karwomannghia]

I honestly think for now you need to focus on stability for your other children and your safety. He’s an addict and is driven by fuelling that. If he comes to you it will most likely be for money.
It’s incredibly difficult to see himself destruct like this. How did it start?

[bubblishous]

Things were great between us until he reached 13 he became this aggressive, intimidating brat he had started smoking weed st this point too I lost my control an boundaries by this age I called SS for advise/help but they allowed themselves to be fooled by him he's a charmer an got gift of the gab the violence and damage to the home increased over the yrs I called police an SS they were more interested in his safety gd became 16 in sept. An NYE he was so rude to me verbally I asked him an his friends to go out for night he pinned me to the wall a mirror shattered down my back he pulled me legs out an stamped on me repeatedly for 10 minutes calling me derogatory names before leaving Iv not seen or heard from him since apart from the messages he's giving SS for his things an the allegations he's making in me being an alcoholic drug user plus that my mental health has deteriorated an his 8 yr old brother is at risk from me he also called the police on me after he attacked me...
he used to come to the SS meetings an tell them how much he loves me an how he never wants to leave me..
Aslong as I kept my mouth shut asked him to do no chores or not bring so many teens an their drugs into my house I was ok an we got on fine but moment i tried putting rules ect into place I was thrown about...
he has never witnessed any domestic violence or drug misuse in his time growing up I don't know where this came from

[bubblishous]

His dad was very unstable in his life my son would get very upset as a child by his constant unreliability he finally had enough at 11 when is dad moved in with a lady an her 3 teenage sons my son decided he wanted nothing else to do with him as he got older if his dad name was mentioned the rage an anger he would fly into was off the scale..
when he was 14 I went into psychosis for a year again all the professionals knew an we're alerted but I was left with the 2 boys Iv not much recollection of that yr but Iv tried to help him understand it since I came out of it..
that's the only 2 things he's been put thru

[Karwomannghia]

Oh god that sounds awful I’m so sorry. My brother smoked weed from an early age and ended up severely mentally ill.
He’s still a child really and doesn’t see you as a person with feelings, just a provider who won’t give him what he wants.
The only thing I think that would be a way for you to help would be to go over his head to ensure the outside agencies are working with him to get off drugs etc. No direct contact with him at all but stay in the loop with the ymca etc and try and get him support he needs but not from you. Keep you and your little one safe.