Limiting screen time

[vilamoura2003]

Has anyone else done this?

My 14 year old DD would be on her phone all day long if I left her to her own devices. I see the new screen time setting with iPhones and have been thinking about setting some limits. I thought about setting the downtime from between 9.00pm and 7.00am but I see you can actually limit the amount of time on certain apps - especially social media etc She just always seems to be either insta messaging people or WhatsApp group calling - I wondered about setting a daily limit of 2 hours on week days and maybe 3.5 hours on weekends. She is most upset as it has just cut her off from a WhatsApp group chat with her pals as she reached the 2 hour limit 🙄

I have mentioned it to a friend of mine and she thinks at 14 she should be regulating her usage herself and that she won't ever learn if it is enforced.

But then I feel mean as she is an only child and I suppose being on these calls with her friends is socialising 🤷‍♀️

Anyone have any views or ideas, do you limit time 🤔

[purpleboy]

I have DD 15 we don't regulate her time as such, as long as all homework and chores are done then the rest of her time is free to spend as she chooses. She has a 10pm bedtime and will never be on her phone after this. We are very lucky she is a very responsible girl, but I've always felt we give her the tools to make the right decisions and if she doesn't then we enforce consequences. We don't allow phones at dinner, or when spending time as a family. She knows the rules and doesn't try to break them. Have a chat with her and go from there, if you show you trust them to make the right decisions it can work well, depending on the nature of the child.

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

We have a 14 yo and we take the devices away an hour before bed in the week. Unless he has to be up early at the weekend, we let him self regulate.

[vilamoura2003]

Thanks @purpleboy for your swift reply. The problem is she will try and push boundaries 🙄 If I said no phone after 10pm I could probably catch her on it, she would claim she was checking the weather, someone messaged her, it's Tuesday.... 😬

If I said only be on it for a couple of hours, she will claim she lost track of time, forgot etc.

I can say, you need to do x, y and z but I have to prompt her about it all the time. Very rarely will she just remember that it is her job to empty the dishwasher.

She isn't naughty, moody or hormonal (yet) but seems to have a real reliance on gadgets and social media - I feel like it can't be good for her 🤔

[purpleboy]

Mine did it once too, I then told her the phone had to be charged outside her bedroom and if it wasn't there when I checked she would then have it taken away. I looked at it as a disobeying of the rules I put in place, she has had the phone removed for other reasons so knows I will follow through. We did this for a week, phone was always on charge by 10 and after the week she had the phone back in her room and it was her responsibility to turn it off at the time agreed. Luckily she did, but if she didn't I would have no problem in removing the phone.
I don't mean to be rude when I say this, but she will only give excuses if you accept those excuses. I wouldn't accept "I lost track of time" that would still result in the phone being removed because ultimately you trying to bring her up to be independent and make the right decisions for herself?
If you think she is too dependent on it, it might be worth doing activities with her and not allow use of her phone during this time? (Easier said then done)

[crazycrofter]

Think about why it’s bothering you. Do you want her to have some balance and do other stuff? If so, what? Does she have friends round? Does she have any hobbies? Could you do something together?

My main concern has usually been them accessing unhelpful stuff but after 3.5 years of having a phone dd (also 14) seems to be responsible with hers. She mainly uses it to socialise which I think is fine. She also watches plenty of Netflix on her laptop! Ds socialises on his Xbox in a similar way.

They both do other things though - see friends, have sleepovers, go to youth group, church, play football (not dd!), go shopping etc. Maybe you just need to focus on helping her arrange things to do. To be honest, even ds, who’s more obsessive, does tend to regulate it eventually. They do have to learn for themselves. I think rules are counter productive, best just to talk about and encourage balance. My two have just headed out to Tesco for a sweet binge