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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

17 year old leaves home

43 replies

Smile73 · 06/02/2019 17:56

Hi, my son has gone to live with girlfriend and family. He is refusing to see us and also his attendance of college is low (but officially full time) He has a job paying £90 so we have said we will stop financially supporting him. To horror I have discovered that the other family could demand child maintenance for the live-in boyfriend of their daughter. Has anyone any idea if this is enforceable? We have two other children and this would cripple us financially, especially as he is planning to do another year of college because he expects to not get very good A'levels.

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Livedandlearned · 06/02/2019 17:57

Do you mean child benefit?

lljkk · 06/02/2019 18:01

Have Other Family actually asked for child maintenance, or indicated that they plan to?

Smile73 · 06/02/2019 18:08

No. They have said it is my "legal moral and maternal duty' to continue to support him. They are currently charging him rent and he has a debt with them which is taking most of his income. He has basically been the teenager from hell, I believe they are squeezing money out of him and expect the y will be claiming child benefit any minute now.

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KindnessCrusader · 06/02/2019 18:08

But you'll be saving money not feeding him surely? Sorry you're having a tough time op.

Smile73 · 06/02/2019 18:10

If they claim child benefit they can then also demand maintenance. At 12% of our income.

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KindnessCrusader · 06/02/2019 18:12

Oh I see Hopefully someone will be along to advise you soon

Smile73 · 06/02/2019 18:12

We may save some money not feeding him .... but maintenance will be far more than that. Up until he is 20 if they like.

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bullyingadvice2017 · 06/02/2019 18:17

I wouldn't worry too much about that. He will be 18 soon. A lot of parents manage not to pay for 18 years quite easily

TaimaandRanyasBestFriend · 06/02/2019 18:18

I think I'd seek legal help.

BarbarianMum · 06/02/2019 18:18

They'd have to take you to court for maintenance I think. Until they do this I'd not worry about it. When is he 18?

Smile73 · 06/02/2019 18:27

He is 18 in July and finish college in May I guess.

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pinkhorse · 06/02/2019 18:30

But it's not their responsibility to pay for your ds.

LaurieFairyCake · 06/02/2019 18:31

No you don't have to pay for his 'choice' as long as you've made it clear he can come home.

Smile73 · 06/02/2019 18:42

He left against our wishes. I make it clear daily that he can come home. He is paying them board and lodgings from his pay.

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Greensleeves · 06/02/2019 18:51

Tell them you are not paying them as you do not approve of the arrangement. Your ds can come home if he wants to be supported as a part of your family.

Sorry this is happening to you, what an utter nightmare. Do you want him to come home?

TaimaandRanyasBestFriend · 06/02/2019 18:58

I'd go with what Greensleeves said.

Smile73 · 06/02/2019 18:58

Yes, we want him to come home! We actually believe he is being emotionally and financially manipulated. He has ADHD and is very open to suggestion.

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skunkatanka · 06/02/2019 19:12

I don't understand you saying you won't financially support him because he's earning £90 per week. That doesn't seem much to me. What are you imagining he's going to be using to buy food, clothes etc etc?

Smile73 · 06/02/2019 19:16

Erm - the point is that he isn't going to college. It is our way of enforcing some kind of discipline. The law is meant to be supportive of children staying to home isn't it?

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Smile73 · 06/02/2019 19:18

Oh I didn't mention the drug use too did I? That is also why we don't want to give hime money.

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skunkatanka · 06/02/2019 19:24

So give money direct to the people who are feeding him and putting a roof over his head then?

Smile73 · 06/02/2019 19:26

Why? I don't want him to live there. I don't like them. I don't trust them. He could live at home with us. He is also paying them board and lodgings already.

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skunkatanka · 06/02/2019 19:28

On £90 a week he is paying board and lodgings (does that include food?), clothes, transport to college (if and when he goes) etc etc as well as supporting a drug habit?!

skunkatanka · 06/02/2019 19:28

Why did he move out OP?

pallisers · 06/02/2019 19:31

So give money direct to the people who are feeding him and putting a roof over his head then?

Why should she? She doesn't want him to live there. She wants him to come home. If they don't want to pay for him they can tell him to go home. I have a 17 year old and if she moved out to a boyfriends house against my wishes, I certainly wouldn't be meekly handing them money.

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