About 22 years ago I went through IF treatment for years (PCOS). We conceived twins and a year later naturally conceived our third son. About two years after I had my youngest I decided to donate eggs with the same clinic that helped us conceive. My ex-husband and mother were fully supportive and I went through about 4-5 cycles which as far as I know resulted in multiple pregnancies.
Unfortunately about seven years later my children’s father and I divorced; three years later I met the love of my life and we’ve been married for eight years. When my husband and I decided to get married I told him about donating eggs. I agreed to be contacted by the clinic only in the event of a medical necessity - I never intended to have any other type of relationship with the children in the future, I still don’t. However, I wanted to make sure my husband knew and was okay with this in the event there would be a medical need for the clinic to contact me.
Fast forward to today and coming across all of these stories about families contacting their donors through these DNA testing companies has made me realize I’m going to HAVE to tell my sons they have multiple half siblings. Even if Im not in the database I don’t know if they might choose to do it themselves. Heck, a future spouse might innocently encourage them to do it.
This has created tremendous stress for me and I don’t know how on earth I’m going to tell them, much less how they may react. I would prefer to wait a few years until they’re more mature - I think I can, I just don’t want them to find out on their own. Any suggestions on how I can tell them? Fear is paralyzing me on how to do it.
Thanks so much for reading!
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How do I tell my sons (19 yo twins + 17 yo) I was an egg donor?
Crystalfam13 · 06/02/2019 13:07
Don't tell them, it's not their business. Yes, sometimes children do find out details of their birth parent or parent but the parent doesn't have to see them, there's no obligation. Even if you did meet them you wouldn't have to involve your family. Sometimes even a nice card or short letter would do, letting them know you're glad they've grown up well and happy (hopefully they have), and sending good wishes to their parents.
It's a very delicate situation. I was an adopted child and desperately wanted to find and know about my birth mother. I did and she was kind enough to meet me and fill in all the details but she had had no other children and was widowed. I felt quite protective of her and never intruded into her life, left it up to her to contact me if ever she wanted to. Which she did quite out of the blue, a few years ago. We corresponded regularly for some years and sent things on Christmas and birthdays.
She died a year ago and her money and property was divided equally between her several nieces and nephews - and me. That was a lovely surprise, I'd never expected anything and will always be grateful.
A slightly different situation to yours though.
Please don't worry about it. Adult children are usually quite sensitive about such things - but your 'donor' children may never know themselves or be interested. Whatever, they don't just come along and knock on the door.
Bless you 
I have a 1 year old son from donor eggs so I just wanted to say a huge thankyou as if it wasn't for women like you then women like me wouldn't have a chance at being a mum 
I agree with a PP just bring up a general convo about IVF and take it from there, they may well just take it in their stride, I have a kids book about donor eggs that I will read to my son when he is a little older
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