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Help! Teenage son and drugs.......(19 Posts)
I have just found what I believe to be MDNA/ectasy tablets in my 16yr old sons room. They are inscribed 'Moncler' an were several tablets.......
I have confronted him and he has said they are not his, just safe guarding them for a friend.
I do not believe him - he started smoking/vaping at 14yrs, then began to dabble with weed at 15yrs and think this is the next progression.
I am terrified he will do himself harm - he is a bright lad with the whole world at his feet. He has a loving family and a nice home, so just can't work out why he is going down this route.
I have tried to speak to 'Frank' on previous occasions, who were quite useless, and kept talking about support groups that just don't exist in rural mid wales.
I have just come in from driving to the police station - I still can't decide whether to go to them, but need him to stop the dug taking and need help and advice on how to support him as a parent......but whether I can report him is another issue.
Please, please any advice or help who has dealt with similar.
How is he doing in school? Do you know his friends well?
I think you need to take a breath. The reality is lots of young people take MDMA.
We had this with our DS, we had very stern words with him.
I wouldn't go to the police.
If you go in all guns blazing you will close the channel of communication.
Sorry but just because 'lots of young people take MDMA' doesn't make it right in my opinion........
Going to the police is a last resort but I need help with him - I refuse to be passive on this issue. Drugs are illegal and not only could do him harm physically, could affect his whole future.
I think the drugs are coming from peer groups, he has recently changed from high school to 6th form college, where I assume drugs are more available and he is possibly taking them to fit in, or just part of being an experimental teenager.
Occasional use at a party I can accept, but bringing them into the family home is unacceptable (and he know this as we have had the same problem/discussions with weed).
But from my research, possession of MDMA can warrant up to a 7 yr prison sentence......so something I cannot brush under the carpet.
I have no experience from the parenting side although my DS is 13 so I guess it is coming sooner or later.
When I was 15 I used to take Es, all my friends did too, it lasted throughout our teens and I can honestly say we don't bother any more. All went on to have families and decent jobs.
That doesn't help you right now granted but try not to make it into a huge issue and push him away.
Of course it's illegal. I'm not saying it's good. You are quite right to take the firmest stand on bringing it into the house. This was exactly what our DS did, and we had a toddler around.
I'm just saying you will need to take a breath and find a quieter moment to discuss this with him.
How many tablets are we talking about OP?
If you are worried about his future, how would telling the Police make his future any better?
There were 9 tablets in the tin - 3 in each plastic pouch, but also a couple of empty pouches. More worryingly how he had paid for them........? He has a small allowance and a p/t job at a pub, but hasn't worked a shift for a while due to the pub being quite at this time of year.
I have also found digital scales in his room in the past and concerned he may be dealing.
So this 'find' is not a one off.......
And going to the police is absolutely the last resort, which is why I drove away yesterday rather than going in to the station, as the last thing I want to do is get him into trouble or get a criminal record.
We have taken a firm stand with him and he knows there is a zero tolerance policy to drugs in our household, but he chooses to ignore this time and time again.
But no one seems to be able to held/advise me.........other than 'he is a teenager or 'it is normal'.....that won't help when he has been beaten up by a dealer, or ends up a homeless drug addict 5 yrs down the line.
Hm, well that's quite different. That's way too many for personal use and the divided format also indicates he is selling them.
The first thing I would do is cut off his access to money.
How is your relationship with him in general?
Bar the drugs, good - we talk about a lot of things, and are usually on good terms, but he shuts down when we try to discuss the drugs......
However he has always been rebellious, has had a few run ins with the police for minor issues, and has little respect for his teachers.
He is an only child and his peer group are hugely important to him, and as with most teenagers their influence and needs far outweigh the wishes of his parents.
I agree that is a lot for personal use, it sounds like he might be dealing which is extremely serious.
Other than go to the police though, I don’t know what to advise.
Academically he is doing well - have had a couple of instances when he has overslept for college but just general teenage behaviour.
On the back of what I found, I have just dramatically reduced his allowance - am loathe to cut it completely as he needs to buy food etc whilst at college (no canteen), and won't eat a packed lunch.
Have also grounded him for a month.
He needs to be eating a packed lunch - tough if he doesn’t like it, he bought drugs into your home and until you can trust him again he shouldn’t have any money from you.
I think it's a mistake to think you can stop this but you can make very clear your lines in the sand. With teens at that age your authority is more of a confidence trick.
I used to bring stuff up in the car on a long journey. No eye contact, no escape. I also used to bring up a 'friend' I had whose child did x and how it panned out. But you are going to have to foster an atmosphere in which he feels like he can talk about it without you going over the top.
Unfortunately there aren't any solid answers, it's a tightrope many of us walk.
Phone removal is a possibility, although always very inflammatory.
I'm a youth worker.
Things you can do-
Approach the school they may have 121 counselling set up that will talk to him about the drugs. If not your Gp can refer.
If you are able- have a frank discussion with him and research together the effects/ dangers etc. FRANK website is useful. Just because everyone is doing it doesn't mean that these ones are safe. (Some maybe cut with something else or very over powered which could be deadly) following this ask if he has tried any phase it that he will not be in trouble but talk about a safer way to try (1/4 pill wait and see the reactions etc)
Don't go to the police as they only care to know who the dealer is and will either ignore it or come down really hard on him to find out the dealer.
Don't close the line of communication between you two. It's really hard as a parent to scream and shout but young people don't listen to it. Maybe someone in your family (aunt, uncle) who they look up to may get further than you.
I hope this helps it's good that it hasn't affected his grades as it means he is being cautious.
Sounds like he might be small scale dealing, OP. Have you had suspicions about him distributing weed?
You're right to question where he is getting the money. E is expensive for a teenager. Over £10 per pill, more if it's purer.
Not a good idea to tell the police though. A criminal record could be disastrous. A last resort.
That is a lot for personal use and with the find of the scales, he's either dealing or there's a possibility he could be being used.
Either way you need help.
Have you tried Family Lives, adfam or [[https://www.childrenssociety.org.uk/what-we-do/our-work/tackling-criminal-exploitation-and-county-lines/county-lines-resources the Children's Society.
Thanks all - yes JJJ that is something that has occurred to me. Has he been 'befriended' by a dealer and being used to help distribute......?
I will have a look at your suggestions.