Does anyone know of any books/apps/strategies or courses/workshops which can help with self-esteem and confidence issues for teens?
DD (aged 12 - Year 7) seems to be really struggling with self-esteem at the moment. She is always saying she's rubbish at stuff, can't do anything right, is a horrible person. etc.
I don't know where these feelings are coming from. We have tried our best at home to build her confidence. We don't use negative words to describe her, always praise effort and when she does well, etc.
She is academic and puts a lot of pressure on herself to do well in tests, etc. Again, I don't think this pressure comes from us at home.
She plays different musical instruments and enjoys orchestral playing but does not like performing on her own in front of people. That's fine - and it's not for everyone. But her desire to shrink into a crowd is starting to get a bit debilitating. She says she gets so nervous speaking in class that she starts to shake. She even gets nervous interacting with the woman on the till when she gets her lunch at school.
She has expressed a desire to talk to someone outside the family about how she's feeling so I was thinking of getting in touch with someone from pastoral care at school. Is this the sort of thing they can help with or is it only the students who are in greater need of support?
Has anyone had any luck with books which can help? Or any workshops/courses I can look into for her?
She used to do Stagecoach when she was younger but got bored with it so stopped going. She didn't have confidence issues then though - it's all seemed to have come on this last year. I know a lot of it is her age but I just feel a bit helpless knowing what to do to best support her.
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Help with self-esteem/confidence issues in teens?
MeltingWax · 02/02/2019 14:09
I know what you mean about the problems of friendship groups and not feeling good enough. Although DD has improved she seemed to have a sudden crisis of confidence just after Christmas before going back to college wondering if people like her and she has always struggled with making friends.
Whilst a lot of this comes with the territory of being a teenager (hormones def play a part in a lot of DDs moods) I think there is also a general society 'downer' on people who are quiet as if it's some really bad personality trait. In my exp, the education system doesn not help with this either, myself, DH,DD and DS have all been on the receiving end of school reports that state no matter how well behaved and hard working we are the 'quiet' tag is mentioned as a negative thing. I'm not sure if this applies in your DDs reports but it infuriates me, it is like a drip feed of saying 'your peronality needs changing, you need to become louder' 
but I think it can embed itself in us at a young age and it can harm self esteem. Sorry, going off on a tangent with one of my theories!
It sounds like your DD has got a lot going for her hobby wise, is she happy to play to an audience with the rest of the orchestra then? That sounds great, is there a need for her to do a solo, not for everyone like you say. And who cares if the swimming is not competitve now (competitiveness is overrated in this day and age) if she is a good swimmer. Would she be interested in doing more with the life guarding skills, that might help her confidence? I think it just helps to find things she enjoys and is quite good at to help build confidence, the little extras that come with day to day life just take time to slot in place, she'll get there. Hope you get somewhere with the school meanwhile.
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