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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

My son has applied to join the army - he's 16 in May

38 replies

BG2015 · 17/01/2019 17:02

Military has been his goal for a while but he was talking about A levels then RAF which I was just about happy with.

Now he's told us he's applied online to the army and already filled in a medical questionnaire and one stating he has no criminal records. He's very determined.

He's very bright and is predicted to get 7 & 8's in his GCSEs. He's talking about an armoured engineering role. I just feel like he's wasting his potential.

I'm just lost and trying to find some support from mums who have experienced this. Me and his dad are trying to be supportive but his age worries me and I'm so worried he will regret it.

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Greensleeves · 17/01/2019 17:06

Sorry OP, I'd be devastated.

I would tell him frankly how you feel about it and why, but make it clear that if this is his choice you will support him through it. I would ask that he explore other options as well, including A Levels - it's always a good idea to have a plan B and to have looked at a range of options before making a final choice. This would be the mature thing to do.

icannotremember · 17/01/2019 17:07

You don't have to give permission, though. You can make him wait until he's legally able to make the decision for himself.

BG2015 · 17/01/2019 17:23

He's mature for his age. We don't want to dig our heels in and make him even more determined to do this. You know what kids are like, you tell them NO and they want to do it all the more.

I remember my 15 yr old brother telling my mum he was having his ear pierced, she just shrugged and didn't really react, he totally didn't get the reaction he wanted so he never ended up going ahead with it. He's 47 now.

I've told him he needs to apply for colleges too in case he changes his mind. I know we don't have to sign the form and make him wait but then we have a young adult doing A levels under duress!

It's very very hard to know what to do.

OP posts:

GemmeFatale · 17/01/2019 17:24

What about suggesting Welbeck (military sixth form)? It sounds like it would be a good option for him, it would likely lead to an officer or direct entrance NCO type role and he could well do a degree either alongside his career or as a sponsored student at university with a military job to go to after.

Zoflorabore · 17/01/2019 17:25

Oh op this would worry me too.
My ds is 16 in March and looks like a man, 6ft 2, beard etc but underneath all that he's still my little boy.

If he's adamant though it will be difficult to dissuade him. Is he absolutely sure?

Babygrey7 · 17/01/2019 17:28

Can he join army cadets now?

My DS was full of army talk, he is 14 and been with cadets for a year. He enjoys it but it also made him realise it's not for him, as a career, after all for various reasons.

Can he do something like that, as a taster?

Also discuss what any advantages might be of doing a levels before joining the army (I imagine you may get to higher rank with more education, but not sure about that/

MummytoCSJH · 17/01/2019 17:29

Hi, my sister turns 16 in July and is applying to go to AFC Harrogate. One of my best friends also went there and is on deployment now. The main thing I would say is that they are very well looked after there, I took her to an open day and they are focused on making the best of their talents, their intelligence and ensuring they get lots of experience and qualifications no matter whether they stay in the army afterwards or not. To be honest, if he is set on it the only thing you could do is delay him by not giving him permission but he could still join when he is 18, and it will be easier for him knowing you are supporting him rather than creating a rift in your relationship. Can I ask why you are upset about this specifically?

Dyrne · 17/01/2019 17:29

Another one suggesting you could look at Welbeck - could lead to a good engineering type degree paid for by the army as well!

Nowadays “Army” does not automatically equal “Killing/Being killed”

Dyrne · 17/01/2019 17:34

Also, if he’s predicted to do well, it’s likely any recruiter he meets may well suggest the Officer route anyway - which involves A Levels, a Degree, and plenty of time to change his mind if he wants to.

CluelessMillenial · 17/01/2019 17:41

I would suggest welbeck if he is getting good grades at GCSE. If I'm honest going in this young isn't the end of the world, he would be around 20 when he could first leave (min 4 years) and he's still young enough to do plenty more qualifications etc and career change. My DP is ex RN. He hated it. He was a bit too academic to be able to put up with the level of work etc as an marine engineering technician. You're literally maintenance and a hell of a lot is contracted out these days so it's really basic "engineering". If he's got any academic ability and some leadership skills then I'd definitely suggest he does a levels first and looks at officer (non engineering) or DTUS and get his degree for engineering officer. I'd say direct entry now is not stimulating enough for academic teenagers, it's frustrating for them.

Freshprincess · 17/01/2019 17:48

My just turned 15 year old was talking about doing this. The thought if it terrifies me.

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 17/01/2019 17:52

Ds filled in for the navy at 16, to be submitted at 17. At crunch time he has postponed.
Ultimately he needs your support.

user1494066152 · 17/01/2019 17:55

I'd suggest A levels and then Sandhurst for officer training...

Does a local college offer combined cadet force?

A Levels are hard and a lot of work, if he's not wanting to be in college he may not hit his potential anyway and waste 2 years.

The forces offer so much nowadays in education and training and often cover the costs so it really is a fantastic career to go into. I totally understand he's still young though and it's a concern.

SleepingStandingUp · 17/01/2019 17:58

He has plenty of time to change his mine OP but you might also just have to accept that this is what he wants.

They do, if I remember right, 6 weeks initial training thing. Lots of them will decide thry hate it and he can come home.

Even past this, he isn't signing his future away to them, he won't get deployed anywhere until he's older and by then he'll be certain one way or another.

My nephew did the same, he's 19 now and so happy. He's done some time in Germany and some in Canada. Currently back in the UK. We all worry of course, but he's extremely well supported there (numerous close family deaths etc) and happy. There's also a few FBgrpupd etc for parents so my sis has support too

BG2015 · 17/01/2019 17:59

I know that under 18's don't go into active service, so that doesn't worry me yet but obviously if he loves it and stays in then deployment would happen.

My ex DP was in the REME (he'd retired by the time I met him) but he loved army life, the experiences he had and he said the social side was brilliant. He met life long friends too.

If he in went in at 18 I would feel much happier as he would at least have A levels under his belt.

Well have a look at Wellbeck as an option.

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lljkk · 17/01/2019 18:02

My son joined as Junior Soldier age 17. He would have gone in at age 16, but couldn't get all the paperwork done in time. Yours sounds better organised (good thing). My standard joke is that the recruiting office almost rejected him because of his GCSEs... they were far too good. He even had a CO pull him aside and exclaim "Your GCSEs are better than mine!"

DS has no regrets (now 19yo). Loves it. Financially independent.

Happy to share more if you have questions. DS is in RACore.

BG2015 · 17/01/2019 18:24

Wellbeck is approx £3000 a year but he's missed the September 2019 deadline now.

I really don't think he wants a college experience though hence why he wants to join the army. Wellbeck is a college first and foremost.

If he got in he would have to do 23 weeks basic training (he can leave after 6 weeks if he hates it) if he goes in at 18 they can't leave for 4 years, so that's a positive as he would still have time to do further study.

He could also fail the fitness, medical so until he actually gets in I won't believe it.

I suppose I just thought I would have him at home for another 2 years (his older brother has left home ) - never thought I'd be sad at the thought of being an an empty nester.

OP posts:

CherryPavlova · 17/01/2019 18:30

I’d be cautious of Welbeck as there has been longstanding bullying and child safeguarding issues there. We were warned off sending our son by a very senior military officer. A friend has a child there at the moment and bullying is still rife.
Get him to careers office to start recruitment process for entry at 18 as an officer. Get him to do levels and then go in. He can take RCB, take part in acquaints and decide which role most appeals. Much easier to enter at 18 as officer than go in at 16 as a rating and move up. The pay differential and prospects gap is huge.
If he doesn’t have A levels he can’t go through Sandhurst. Doesn’t overly matter subjects unless he wants to be an engineer. Only needs something like 3Cs to be accepted if he gets good RCB score.
If he is very good he could get sixth form scholarship so paid through sixth form.
Meantime he needs to get physically very fit, do something like scouts, sports club or cadets that shows teamwork, non academic achievement and leadership.
It’s a fantastic life for those who do make it and opportunities are exceptional.

CherryPavlova · 17/01/2019 18:31

You don’t sign on for your four years commission until after basic training ie on being commissioned.
There is absolutely no comparison between a rating and an officers experience and enjoyment.

SleepingStandingUp · 17/01/2019 18:35

If he got in he would have to do 23 weeks basic training (he can leave after 6 weeks if he hates it) if he goes in at 18 they can't leave for 4 years, so that's a positive as he would still have time to do further study
That's one of the reasons my sister supported my nephew when he wanted to do in at 16. So he had more chance to decide he wanted to come home

lljkk · 17/01/2019 18:37

Why would your son fail the fitness medical?

DS signed up for '20 years'. But he can leave now (he says). Only obligation is he would be in reserves for a long spell.

CherryPavlova · 17/01/2019 18:40

Regardless of length of commission or length of service, you can apply to leave with 18 months notice.

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Frazzled2207 · 17/01/2019 18:50

I would hate this. But rather than be dead against the idea of army full stop I would be selling the advantages of taking a-levels and then being able to go to sandhurst. Ok so if he wants to do it fine. But everyone changes their minds sometimes. Having a-levels would put you in so much stronger a position.

Mondayjustaboutmadeit · 17/01/2019 18:51

Do you have a college near you that offers the Uniformed Public Services Qualifications? This could be a good option.

BG2015 · 17/01/2019 18:59

Regarding the fitness test - part of me wants to just leave him to it and secretly hope he isn't motivated enough to get super fit and the other half wants to pay for a gym membership so he trains and succeeds.

He's healthy as far as we know but medical tests can pick things up I suppose.

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