Advise need about my 16 year old please

[JulesM3]

I really need some advise please I’m at my wits end! My 16 year old daughter has absolutely no motivation for life what so ever! I feel like I’ve tried everything to try and get her to be more positive about things but all she wants to do is stop in bed. She is now horrible to her sister and argues with me and her dad most days which is really getting me down.

She will stop up til 2/3am even on school nights which obviously makes it a struggle to get her up in the mornings, I’ve taken all electronic devices off her, tried sprays for her pillow and room, talked to her about things that may be worrying her to which nothing works.

She will stay in bed all weekend she doesn’t want to go out and do things with her friends, we are now at the point where her friends have stopped trying with her now which I find really sad on her behalf.

Her predicted grades were really good at the start of year 10 but we have just had her mock results back and her results were not that great. She couldn’t be any less interested in starting college and to be quite honest I’m not sure how she will manage in the big wide world anyway because she doesn’t help round the house, she won’t cook for herself she thinks the world owes her something. I am at fault for tidying up after her and cooking for her but I’m one of these people that worries if someone doesn’t eat!

Any advise on what to do would be greatly appreciated, like I said I’m at my wits end.
  

[steppemum]

I have a 16 yo, and it is tough isn't it? Trying to love someone who doesn't want you to love them!

You daughter actually sounds depressed. While staying in bed is pretty normal for teens, cutting off form her friends isn't.
Also, while lots of parents tear their hair out over getting them to work, they ar eusually fairly consistent over year10 and 11 (thise who potter along, keep pottering along, those who hardly do a thing might just up the pace a bit, much to the frustration of their parents). But your dd has gone from doing OK, to not doing so great.

So, is she depressed do you think? Has there been a major fall out with the friends? Do you think something could have happened to initiate this?
Can you pin point when this started, it must have got worse if previously she was doing OK, and friends were OK, and now not.

[JulesM3]

I honestly don't know steppemum. Sounds harsh but I don't know why she would be depressed because I've given her the best life I could or at least I hope I have.

As with her friends I think they are fed up of asking her to go out and do stuff only to be told that she's 'busy' so I think they have given up trying with her! Her friends are very much get up and go positive kids which I was hoping would help her outlook on life but is hasn't.

She has always been pretty lazy as such but it's got worse from about the start of year 11, I know she is under a lot of pressure at school because of her GCSE's but this is all having a knock on effect and we are going round in circles!

[billybagpuss]

Depression isn’t about you and what you’ve done or not done it’s a disease that you can’t control.

I think you need a GP appointment and check her blood levels in the first instance.

It is really hard good luck

[RarePuppers]

All those things you have described are classic symptoms of teenage depression. I would definitely look into it and take it seriously.

[JulesM3]

Thank you, I'll make an appointment for her. I will do anything to try and get her the help she needs I hate seeing her like this.

[TheHodgeoftheHedge]

I was always going to say that these sound absolutely indicative of depression to me. And as the others have said, depression doesn’t just strike people who have hard or difficult lives.
A GP appointment for definite and you need to get reading up on depression so you can understand it in a non-judgmental way and help if need be.
This is a good starting point:
I Had a Black Dog www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1845295897/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_NbDpCb24RDM0C?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

There is also one for those of us living with those suffering from depression called Living With A Black Dog

[steppemum]

This is NOT about you.
teenagers get depressed because their brains are rewiring and they are growing and changing and so much is going on emotionally.

Depression is an illness, not a result of a bad life.