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My 16 year old daughter wants to stay overnight someplace with no adult supervision

(26 Posts)
ACP1 Mon 14-Jan-19 18:47:40

My nearly 16 year old daughter is going to an apartment on Friday night with all her friends. She is very mature and responsible and has never gave me any reason to doubt this. However, she wants to stay overnight as all of her friends are but I won't allow her to as there is no adult supervision and you never know what can happen at these types of things. She assured me that if anything is to happen she will leave immediately and get a taxi home. She is upset by this as all her friends are staying and it's her friends birthday but I won't let her. She says that she hasn't gave me any reason not to trust that she will make sure she is always safe so should I let her stay overnight or not?

OP’s posts: |
CoatTails Mon 14-Jan-19 18:49:28

I would. I would want to know exactly where she was, have regular texts and a ‘find my friends’ enabled.
I have a very sensible 16 year old, though.

HeyMacWey Mon 14-Jan-19 18:50:00

Is she usually pretty honest with you?

Tbh I'd wait until she was 16.

pumpkinpie01 Mon 14-Jan-19 18:51:42

How far away from being 16 is she ? How far away is this apartment?

colditz Mon 14-Jan-19 18:53:43

Nope.That's how otherwise sensible 15 year old girls get pregnant.

TooTrueToBeGood Mon 14-Jan-19 18:53:51

Other than the lack of adult supervision do you have any reason to believe she'll be at risk of anything specific? She's almost 16. Soon she'll be able to do whatever she wants and legally there will be nothing you can do. Now is a good age to start giving her a bit more freedom and coach her on how to protect herself and keep herself safe. If you are too restrictive then you run the risk that she will just get very good at lying to you about her plans and whereabouts.

SanJelliChino Mon 14-Jan-19 18:54:59

I'd say no to this I'm afraid. How come no parents present? Seems odd for 15/16 year olds.

ladybee28 Mon 14-Jan-19 18:55:15

What does 'going to an apartment' mean (sorry if I'm being thick)?

Is it a house party in an AirBnb, or a sleepover at someone's house...?

Littlechocola Mon 14-Jan-19 18:55:26

How many others are going and do you know them?

waterandlemonjuice Mon 14-Jan-19 18:55:31

I’d say no

SanJelliChino Mon 14-Jan-19 18:59:20

Meant to say the reason I would say no is that there will (most likely) be alcohol present. And that's when usually sensible teens come unstuck.

lljkk Mon 14-Jan-19 19:20:57

How many? 16yo DD had 3 girl-friends around when we were away. Other girls age 15, 15 & 16. All the parents were fine with this.

Mrscog Mon 14-Jan-19 19:27:00

I would let her go - I find it shocking actually that people think that almost 16 year olds need adult supervision for one night. At that age my parents left me for a fortnight to go on holiday!

MiaKolpar Mon 14-Jan-19 19:39:36

A tricky one, OP. I did let DS do this at 16. But that's because I was pretty certain I could trust him not to be a complete numpty (he is a numpty in many ways, but not in a sex/drink/drugs way - plus I have bored on endlessly at him about not accepting drinks from anyone, not leaving drinks unattended, blah, blah). He did this for New Year, had a great time, and returned unscathed, un-hungover, and very cheerful.

I doubt, though, that I will let DD (15) do this until she's about 46 as she's a loose cannon, who would be trying anything that looks like fun.

I think it's more a case of knowing (or being pretty certain you know: nothing is absolutely certain about teenagers, including your own) your child.

I also wonder, a bit to my shame, whether I'm more protective about my girl...

lljkk Mon 14-Jan-19 19:41:19

My girl is the scariest teenager at the party. It's the others I need to protect from her.

Ribbonsonabox Mon 14-Jan-19 19:43:36

I'd say yes. If shes sensible and its other people her age that you know who she is staying with.
I went and stayed in a caravan in the lake district with a group of my friends and no adult supervision at about that age... it was great fun!

AlexanderHamilton Mon 14-Jan-19 19:47:40

I would say no in Year 11 and the scenario of a party. She may be sensible, her friends may not be especially if someone brings alcohol.

My Dd is now in Year 12 and she has stayed in her house overnight alone (she’s away at college and lives with a landlady & family.

leaveby10 Mon 14-Jan-19 20:25:11

What are her friends like? If they are fine, I'd let her go but remind her that if there are any issues and she wants to leave - call me and I'll come get her - no questions asked.
BTW I remember mum's who said no to things like this - we knew the score had pretend sleepovers at someone's house, the kids went to the party anyway.

whiteroseredrose Mon 14-Jan-19 20:29:18

Do you know who she's going to be with? If it's a sensible bunch I'd say yes, otherwise not. Had a similar discussion with my DD about going to a festival this summer. With one group of friends it's yes. With the other, definitely not!

reallyanotherone Mon 14-Jan-19 20:35:13

Nope.That's otherwise sensible 15 year old girls get pregnant

A teenager doesn’t need an unsupervised night in an apartment to get pregnant. They only need half an hour in a car/house/bedroom/anywhere, so unless you’re going to supervise them 24/7 you can’t prevent it.

I would, o/p. If i felt she was a strong enough character to say no to anything she felt uncomfortable with. And to phone if anything happens she isn’t 100% sure of.

RLABC Mon 14-Jan-19 20:45:03

Well, thinking back to myself at 15/16 I'd say no! wink It really depends on how trustworthy your daughter is, what's her friendship group like, will there be alcohol or spliffs etc.

Chocolate85 Tue 15-Jan-19 22:14:43

I wouldn’t. I’d say my DD is pretty mature but she’s in Year 11 and I’m not taking any unnecessary risks at such an important time in her life. I still check with parents when she’s staying at friends houses and our iPhones are linked so I can check her location. I’m really honest and blunt with my reasons and luckily she’s learnt to respect it. They will most likely drink and have more people there than they are saying. I would stick to allowing her to go but pick her up at a non-embarrassing time.

GrandmaSteglitszch Tue 15-Jan-19 22:18:01

Maybe all her friends are having the same discussion with their parents.

uhtredsonofuhtred Tue 15-Jan-19 22:22:26

My daughters 17 and she was going to party's at 16 and even apartment party's, she's a sensible girl with morals and self respect. But then I'm not an overly strict parent and she doesn't take the piss.

Let her go op,tell her she's to keep in contact with you and if she doesn't she won't get another chance.

helpmum2003 Tue 15-Jan-19 22:23:25

I wouldn't. The lack of information is a concern. It's not necessarily what your child would do it's what others may do. If unsupervised could be a risk of unwanted guests turning up. Who has booked the apartment?

I have a DD age 16 in Y12 btw.

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