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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

I Need to get my son moving

12 replies

spam65 · 10/01/2019 22:55

Hello all.
My son used to do various activities but has gradually given them up and gaming has taken over his life. He will have spates of going to the gym, or for a swim and used to go out on his bike until it got stolen. Gaming is how he socialises with his friends, (they do get together in person sometimes but not much). He doesn't seem to know what to do with himself if he's not staring at a screen. We have have had loads of chats about it and he takes things that I say on board for a while but nothing has any sort of lasting effect. I know it's a problem lots of people have but I'm starting to despair. I have thought about imposing a ban but I feel like I would be stopping him hanging out with his mates and also what else would he do? Watch TV? He doesn't like reading or cooking - I've tried getting recipe boxes that we can cook together but he just gets really grumpy and it's just not pleasurable for anyone. He likes cars and go karting but seems to have lost all interest in anything else. Does anyone know any interesting clubs for older teens? He's 17 and we live in Walthamstow. I would be so gratefull for some advice. I feel like a failure:(

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BackforGood · 10/01/2019 23:47

I think by 17, he is old enough to be making his own choices.
As to 'interesting' clubs - that is going to depend what he is 'interested' in.
I have a 17 yr old, and our arguments are about the fact I don't think she is at home enough so there is plenty to do if you are a 'joining' sort of a person.

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Blessthekids · 10/01/2019 23:48

Is he into team sports? Maybe fitness activities like rock climbing or parkour? Hard to suggest anything as don't know what your ds has given up.

It is difficult, if its not gaming then its social media or YouTube. Screens seem to dominate the lives of teens. If gaming is definitely not something he will give up for long, maybe suggest he attends some gaming festivals like insomnia. It will at least get him out of the house and possibly meeting and talking to new people.

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peachypetite · 10/01/2019 23:48

Does he work?

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spam65 · 11/01/2019 09:35

Thanks for the replies. He was working in the summer and will hopefully start again as an official apprentice at some point which will mean he is out doing something during the day. He goes to college but is only in part time (so home either sleeping or gaming otherwise). I realise he is old enough to make his own decisions (even if they're not the greatest decisions), and I know he's got to make his own mistakes, but it's hard for me to watch his life ticking away while he sits in his room staring at a screen playing high stress games. It's a toxic lifestyle and I'm concerned it will damage his health if there's no balance. He moans about his friends not wanting to go out but he's never in a situation where he will meet new people as he's always sitting in his room. I do look out for things that might spark his interest. He used to do martial arts and kayaking but has no interest in that any more. He likes go karting but will only go with his mates who never want to go out. I was just after a bit of inspiration really...

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Blessthekids · 11/01/2019 10:00

Perhaps see if there are any part-time jobs at the go karting tracks? Likely to work with people who also like go karting.

Good luck

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spam65 · 11/01/2019 16:18

Thanks x

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ShouldReadMore · 11/01/2019 17:39

Honestly by 17 I think you are not just wasting your time but crucially risk damaging your relationship if you are always on his back about his choices.

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Babygrey7 · 14/01/2019 22:15

My 16yr old is a bit like this, lots of teens are.

He has started to teach himself guitar, a year ago, and also started ju jitsu...

I had been trying to encourage him to do stuff, but these are things he chose himself (and I facilitated)

Somehow persuaded him to do NCS as well

Keep talking to him to find what makes him tick (apart from gaming), could he do karting once a week if he loves that?

Just need to get them out of the house that's how I feel anyway

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Babygrey7 · 14/01/2019 22:17

Or get a dog?! DS walks our dog twice a week (radical solution...)

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spam65 · 16/01/2019 11:20

Thanks Babygrey7- we would love a dog but lifestyle doesn't allow for it at the moment.
I'm sure we'll find our way. Thanks all for the support.

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pasanda · 16/01/2019 19:17

My ds was like this. Year 13.

I have taken his PS4 away from him. It's well and truly hidden!

He was, amazingly, quite accepting of it. I think he realised how addicted he was and how he did fuck all school work, personal statement etc. He needed me to make that decision for him.

It's worked in that he doesn't rush home to just be on it all afternoon/evening. (He was not staying in school for his free periods, preferring to 'game' instead).

He stays at school and goes to the gym. He also is in a football team so trains once a week and match on sundays.

Apart from that, no other hobbies. But that's ok.

Dd14 on the other hand...... Absolutely no hobbies or interests or sports so spends her life either at school or in her room on her phone or laptop. Depressing!

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spam65 · 16/01/2019 21:57

I hear you pasanda.
It is depressing. It just makes me sad. I know it's not just my ds - it's current culture and I personally can't bear it (I look around when I'm on the tube and most people are staring at phones - maybe I'm just old??!) I'm hopeful that when he starts work again he'll meet new people and start being more part of the outside world🙂
And I have to give him his due - he went for a swim today - there is hope yet!!