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16 year old DD wants a sleepover with guy friends.

(31 Posts)
Ohanameansfamily Thu 03-Jan-19 04:14:47

My daughter is 16 and after over a year of being lonely as described in my previous thread, she has finally made some friends and i am very happy for her. She has managed to make friends at school and altough i am happy i am also slightly concerned as they are all boys. She seems to get along great with them and they came over to our house before. My daughter asked if she could have a sleepover with a couple of her new guy friends like she used to with her old girl friends. She argues they are just friends and will obviously sleep in seperate beds and just watch movies and play board games. She is a very responsible girl and i trust her but i am worried as they are all teenagers with raging hormones. I dont know what to do, please give me some advice.

OP’s posts: |
SplendidCurmudgeon Thu 03-Jan-19 04:39:31

Absolutely not! It's completely different to having a sleep over aged 14 with girlfriends. I know it and you know it. These are guys who she has only known for a year and you've only met a handful of times. She sounds pretty vunerable and too trusting. Big alarm bells are going off for me if she insisted in doing it I'd insist the "sleep over" was a my house and I'd make sure I stayed awake all night with my ears open.

CAAKE Thu 03-Jan-19 04:42:06

You either trust them or you don't. If you don't trust them, make the boys sleep in a separate room, but I think your being OTT if you say no altogether.

Cadburyssurpriseegg Thu 03-Jan-19 04:42:44

I wouldn’t. You trust your dd. But how well do you know her new friends?
She would be very vulnerable imo.

Marcipex Thu 03-Jan-19 04:44:56

They can watch movies and play board games in the daytime.
Do they really expect you to agree? I don't think many parents of girls would like them to be the only girl at a sleepover.

Rafabella Thu 03-Jan-19 05:37:32

As the mother of a 16 year old boy, who has hosted sleepovers before I think she will be absolutely fine. Sensible rules of course - separate rooms etc, but others automatically jumping on the 'raging hormones' wagon are wrong. It depends the intellect level and personalities of the group of course but if your daughter is well grounded and sensible consider that her friends might be too - regardless of gender.

Cauliflowersqueeze Thu 03-Jan-19 06:01:51

Nope.

ReaganSomerset Thu 03-Jan-19 06:04:47

Nope. It's good she's made friends, but she doesn't need to have sleepovers with them.

AC14255 Thu 03-Jan-19 06:05:20

Allowing boy-girl sleepovers is something I plan to allow when my children are old enough to start sleepovers. Like others are saying: if you trust them (as you should trust any friends coming over), I don't see a problem. You are already in the house if an issue arises.

Cauliflowersqueeze Thu 03-Jan-19 06:16:48

When they’re much younger, fine, but not at 16.

Namenic Thu 03-Jan-19 06:24:45

Would everyone who said ‘no’ object if it was their sons wanting a sleepover with girls? This stuff used to irritate me as a teenager.

planespotting Thu 03-Jan-19 06:25:13

Growing up many of my friends were boys. I was also a Scout in a different country and we had boys and girls in our tents and rooms. All mixed.
Nothing ever happened and we were all so respectful. From children to young adults. I think after 18/20 people maybe split tents but I don't know.
It really taught us boundaries and how to have healthy girl / boy relationships.
But this was the 80s so I have no idea how it is now or how I will feel when DC is older.

SD1978 Thu 03-Jan-19 06:28:16

I probably would. There would have to be rules though- that I'd been in touch with the parents, and confirmed the sleeping arrangements. Also the number of lads that would be there, and what amount of supervision there would be- if parents would be in the house for the evening.

brookshelley Thu 03-Jan-19 06:31:07

No I don't think this is a good idea. I would rather take the boys home myself at midnight after they've had fun then let them spend the night, unless I knew them and their parents very well.

brookshelley Thu 03-Jan-19 06:32:11

Would everyone who said ‘no’ object if it was their sons wanting a sleepover with girls? This stuff used to irritate me as a teenager.

Yes I would object in the same way. Actually with a son even worse, if a female friend slept in my house and then said my son had done something to her under my watch...what a nightmare.

Fairylea Thu 03-Jan-19 06:32:48

I wouldn’t, but then I wouldn’t want sleepovers of any sort at that age. I think it just turns into an all night noise fest and I need my sleep!

ReaganSomerset Thu 03-Jan-19 06:52:34

@Namenic yep, I'd still object.

DanielleEvans Thu 03-Jan-19 15:46:41

I would trust your instinct. You say she's a sensible girl. Presumably she has a mobile phone in case she needs you? I would let her know you don't feel entirely comfortable with the situation, however I would use this as an opportunity to strengthen trust and your relationship.

I would say yes on the assumption you know exactly where she is, who she is with and that she calls you is at any point she possibly feels uncomfortable. I think she will resent this very much if you say no, especially as she didn't have any friends not so long ago.

Blessthekids Thu 03-Jan-19 17:11:26

This is a hard one. I don't know what I would do if my own dd asked.

I don't suppose there is an older brother in the picture who could perhaps join the sleepover? Alternatively have them over but then at the cut off point say 1am, your daughter goes to her own room and they sleep downstairs?

lljkk Thu 03-Jan-19 18:02:08

(after parties hosted by other people)... DD has slept in beds with multiple friends including lads; she insists nothing sexual happened (& to be brutally honest, she tells me everything, including about random reckless snogs with boys she barely met, so I don't know why I wouldn't get a full sex life update if there was an update to tell). Apparently Dd's mates are astonished that I know who she snogged & when, so I guess that's unusual.

I don't have sure advice for U, but less likely to do reckless behaviour I would hope, if you can have a frank conversation about what will be her strategy to avoid things escalating beyond whatever she originally planned. How does she know what she can handle a pushy boy or social pressure or inhibitions lowered by too much alcohol, for instance?

Parsley65 Thu 10-Jan-19 12:12:58

Did this just recently at our house with DD15. She has a mixed group of friends and they were together all evening, then the girls went to sleep upstairs and the boys were downstairs. No problems...

MrsWolfe Thu 10-Jan-19 12:17:01

I'm not really sure what the issue is. Is she going to have a gangbang in her bedroom with her mother downstairs?

At sixteen, if she's going to have sex then she's going to have sex. You either trust her or you don't. It's fine to say you don't trust her friends but if you trust her, you trust her to know her boundaries, say no and remove anyone causing her distress from her home.

ApolloandDaphne Thu 10-Jan-19 12:17:41

When my DD1 was 16 we lived rurally and she and her male and female friends used to sleep over at each others houses constantly. They even bunked up in beds together. Her male friends were not boyfriends so no romantic/sexual involvement. It was all fine.

LaurieFairyCake Thu 10-Jan-19 12:19:49

Just 'friends' doesn't mean no sex unfortunately.

GrandmaSteglitszch Thu 10-Jan-19 12:21:34

Your DD is 16. That is the age of consent and is old enough to get married.
Have a talk with her about making sure nothing goes wrong and how she wants to organise the sleepover.
That said, I don't think I'd be asleep at all while this was happening.

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