Teenagers and drugs.......

[Akrotiri1]

My son is 16 yrs old and lives with me and my partner - he does see his Dad, but in terms of him being able to help me deal/discipline him, is as useful as a chocolate teapot......

In general he is a good lad, bright and gets good grades, hugely independent, but as with most teenagers can have a vile streak. He went through a bad patch when his Dad walked out 4 yrs ago, but been better in the last year or so.

However I am at my wits end as have caught my son with dope in his room. I think he started smoking it over the long summer hols. When I have challenged him he initially denies it, then says all his friends smoke it and I am over-reacting.

Of course I took the line that I didn't want him doing ANY drugs, but continued to smell it on him. I stopped his allowance, and even told him he would have to move to his Dad's if he continued to smoke it, but nothing seems to have an affect.

I then decided to make a 'deal' with him that if he smoked weed with his mates or at parties I would turn a blind eye if I smelt it on him, but he was NOT to bring it into our house.

For a few weeks he did as he was asked but has recently started bringing it home with him again.

To make things worse, I found several grinders and a digital weighing scale in his room today whilst tidying it, and now worrying he is maybe dealing it to his friends.

He has a sat job in a pub, clearing glasses etc and just wonder if he has been making contacts through this?

I have called 'Frank' a few weeks ago, who were quite frankly useless, and after a few mins said they had other callers waiting, and virtually cut me off! They made a few suggestions but we live in rural mid wales so have no access to the support groups they suggested anyhow......

Any help/advice ?

Yours in desperation xx

[flossietoot]

Scales don’t sound good. What about the community police? See if they would have a quiet word?

[Mishappening]

I have no suggestions, but happy to hand hold.

I am sure that at least 2 of my DDs tried it out - but did it well away from me and our home.

But I have a young close relative who graduated from pot to worse things and is now dealing. Sorry - that does not help you, as I am sure this is what you fear. There must be organisations to which you can turn - is there advice online? Or via the school?

You have all my sympathy - but I have to say that mine our now through those years and there were many many things that I tore my hair out over - but it does pass and they do come out the pother side - they are a delight now.

Good luck with all this.

[Cassiacassie]

Scales definitely aren’t good and you should talk to him about it. It’s so tricky... I think I’d ground mine so they’re physically unable to deal but it’s so hard at that age and ideally you want to stop them from wanting to deal

[Proseccoprincess1960]

Hi OP, i know how you feel, though I wish all my DS was dealing was weed!! What a nice problem to have.

[Akrotiri1]

Thanks all.

Cassiacassie - grounding doesn't work as he just exits via the window.......been there, done it.

Proseccoprincess - I have no idea what you are having to deal with, but sounds worse than my situation, so big hugs.

Have challenged him re the scales and he says they belong to mate - don't know what to believe anymore.....

I am going to pop into the local police station on my next day off and see if they can advise. The local town is know for its drugs problems so hope they may have some useful contacts.

[Cassiacassie]

Definitely don’t take the belong to a friend excuse. Talking to the police station sounds good

[AnnaNimmity]

what if you just sat him down and said you have a zero policy approach to drugs. No drugs in your house?

I know he'll smoke elsewhere, but surely he has to respect your house your rules?

I have 4 teenagers and know they must have come across it, but no signs of anything in my house.

[AnnaNimmity]

zero tolerance policy I meant.

and just read your OP and seen that you have tried this. I think it's the only way.

[DanielleEvans]

I'd offer a compromise. e.g with my son I know I cannot control it if he smokes weed, but I'll say do not bring anything into the house. If he does it gets confiscated.

If it's any consolation weed is rife and there are many, many teenagers smoking it and dealing it, one reassurance I have is my son doesn't tend to hide anything from me anymore since I have encouraged him to be open with me.

I told my son if I found out he was dealing I'd report him myself to the police.

[Matlow]

My 15 yo ds was grounded for a month before Christmas after being caught smoking weed out of his window more than once. I found and confiscated his stash and paraphernalia and took away his bank card. He missed out on a couple of parties and has felt very hard done by but has taken it ok and been really good company and much nicer to have around.
He is going to a NYE party tonight and I have no doubt he will be smoking weed with his mates but I'm fairly confident he won't bring it home as if he does he will be grounded and have his money cut off again. But at the end of the day who knows?
If your ds is bright, happy and getting good grades I wouldn't worry too much. Weed is rife but our kids don't drink nearly as much as we did at 15 and that's probably worse, they also smoke much less tobacco.
I was speaking to a senior lawyer working with family and children's services and she advised that in these situations (and almost all situations) NEVER involve the police in any way. Parents think it will give their kids a shock etc but the last thing you, or they need, is to be "in the system". Good luck.