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At what age would you let them stay at home instead of coming on holiday with you??

(25 Posts)
MrsTucky Mon 25-Jun-07 20:59:16

OK, so I've been reading a thread about house parties and gate crashers when the parents go away.

My 14.5 yo son don't want to come with us on holiday this year, but he is. He has no say in the matter yet. So when I was talking to my mother about it, she said IN HER OPINION he'd be ok to stay at home next year,and she'd keep an eye on him. He is very mature for his years,.... everyone who knows him always comments on this. He's not a daft lad, not scared of refusing his peers, or just scared of saying NO. ANd I'm not particularly close to my mother, or my birth family. We're just on talking terms after 4 years when they disowned me. THis was cos my 14yo son had a cardiac arrest when he was 10, out of the blue, was diagnosed with a heart condition, which can be fatal. SO of course I went a bit over protective with him when I heard the news. THey disowned me, cos they didn't agree with me wrapping him in cotton wool FGS...I mean, what parent wouldn't on hearing her child has a condition than can take him away without a seconds notice ??!! My parents, apparently.

SO anyway, when my 14yo heard all thsi he's now asking if he can stay at home next year instead of coming away with us. He doesn't like one of my step daughters who lives with us, either.

He's on medication. Had no issues with his heart in the last 4 years since taking the meds. So I just don't know whatt o do for the best. I'm worried to leave him in case he does have an 'episode of heart trouble', but I don't want to mollycoddle him. HE's lived a free and easy life for 3 years. It took me one year to be able to let him go freely.

I'm posting here rather than special needs, as you really wouldn'tknow anything was wrong with him. THe meds are working. HE see's a specialst anually. He's fine. But, would you leave a 15 and a half yo at home, on hisd own, with only his maternal grandmother to keep a check on him. He's obviously get dai;ly calls from me. I'm soo stuck.

Saggarmakersbottomknocker Mon 25-Jun-07 21:14:56

I'm usually the type of parent who's saying yes, let then walk to school in primary, let them play out, let them be home alone. BUT I think it's unwise to allow an under 16 year old to be alone for that length of time.

Only you know your child though. I left my ds1 at home for a week when he was a week away from his 17th birthday. We went to Majorca and he house sat. My mum was a 20 minute drive away.

As far as the heart stuff goes if he's been OK for the last 4 years chances are he'll be fine for a week. My dd has a similar condition so I know where you're coming from on that - and you sound more laid back about it than I am. Does he manage his own meds? Will he take them without you remining him?

JodieG1 Mon 25-Jun-07 21:17:16

I don't think you should allow under 16's to stay at home alone. Under 16 and you're responsible for them so if anything went wrong you would be liable and I suppose able to be prosecuted for it.

Hulababy Mon 25-Jun-07 21:18:37

Not until at least 16 I think. I was 18 when my parents left me at home whilst they went on holiday, and then with strict orders for no parties, etc. As my auntie lived on next straight it wasn't likely anyway. Dh (then boyfrend) spent a lot of time round the house though

I do think 14 and 15 is too young.

Lilymaid Mon 25-Jun-07 21:21:41

I wouldn't leave an under-16 whilst I was on holiday, though I do have to leave my 15 year (almost 16) old by himself all day whilst I am work and he has finished GCSEs. He would not be happy staying in the house by himself - he asked me this morning to lock the door as I went out. I wouldn't recommend it for 6th Formers either - but I would be worried about parties - too many true stories of gatecrashers and the police being called out.

amicissima Mon 25-Jun-07 21:38:19

I wouldn't leave an under 18 alone while I went away. Can you take one of his friends with you all on holiday?

Tortington Mon 25-Jun-07 21:39:26

the answer to the tread title - is absolutley never. ever. or ever.

EmilyDavidson Mon 25-Jun-07 21:44:39

My dd is nearly 16 and would love to be left at home while we are on holiday. No chance! I'm not sure how she would cope with a practical emergency ie a burst pipe.
I also think she and her mates might trash our house.

Chipstick Mon 25-Jun-07 21:45:18

I was 18 when my mum left me for the first time - my grandparents visited daily and I think every neighbour in the street was under strict orders to keep an eye on me!

I definitely would not leave a child under the age of 18.

chenin Mon 25-Jun-07 22:05:36

I'm leaving 18yo DD for the first time in a month. I'm still not sure if I'm doing the right thing. She is sensible on the whole, I know she won't have a party as such but her judgement is lacking at times.

I have no family close to look in on her. She knows this is the test.... if she does one thing wrong, she is in big trouble.

essbeehindyou Mon 25-Jun-07 22:06:35

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Rhubarb Mon 25-Jun-07 22:07:30

Every teenager has a party whilst their parents are away, it's like a rite of passage!

Just invest in some plastic sheeting now to cover your furniture.

essbeehindyou Mon 25-Jun-07 22:07:35

Message withdrawn

Rhubarb Mon 25-Jun-07 22:10:13

We didn't bother hiding the evidence. Our eldest sister came in every day to check up on us, so we heard her come in the next morning whilst we were nursing major hangovers. There were bottles on the floor, split beer, vomit in the bin and on the floor, cigarettes, etc etc. All we heard that morning was the sound of cleaning and her muttering "dirty sods! the dirty little sods!"

She didn't dob us in though, the neighbours did.

essbeehindyou Mon 25-Jun-07 22:12:58

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essbeehindyou Mon 25-Jun-07 22:17:11

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MrsTucky Mon 25-Jun-07 22:36:03

Thank yo sooooooo much for all the posts, very much indeed. Instinctively I felt morally, and legally he was too young to be left on his own at 15 and half, even if he didn't have a heart condition...but my mother has this way of making me feel wrong, or over protective. Hey, whats wrong with being protective of our kids.
SHe keeps telling me, "I did that with you all, and it never did you any harm" when I tell her I'm not happy about doing that with my kids, she takes it as a personal afront, thinks I'm attacking her parental skills, and then she rollicks me. I'm almostn 37 FGS, not had any contact with them for 4 years, and she still thinks she knows whats best for my kids who she's not known for the last 4 years.
You have all just stated what I felt in my heart.
I'm a happy bunny now cos my laddo is coming on holiday with us next year, and I have nothing to reproach myself for. BTW, I have no problem with his girlfriend coming away with us. THey so are love's young dream. BUt wether her parents would allow is a differnt matter.
THanks people, very much. You've just made my night xx

MrsTucky Mon 25-Jun-07 22:44:43

Meant to say, he is good at taking his meds daily, but I still ask him every morning just to be sure, as there have been times (granted, these times are few and far between, but thats all it takes to be fatal)that he has forgot. SO I'm always on his case, obviously, to check. His girlfriend is great, cos she keeps an eye on him too.
So how on earth could I go away, knowing all this, knowing he's uder age, and leave him to his own devices, and a grandma who doesn't know him, but only lives 10 mins away.
Answer......I wouldn't.

NannyL Tue 26-Jun-07 17:05:24

I stayed home alone (while my dad wa away on buisness, and my mum had walked out on us and i didnt see her) from 16 years old.

In fact i think i had the odd single night home alone from 15.

IMO if you are old enough to be married at 16 (as in this country you are) you really should be old enough to look after yourself and not need mollycoddling by parents.... and should be able to survive a few nights making your own food / cleaning up after yourself / and using an alarm clock rather than a call from your parents to get you up.

mumeeee Wed 27-Jun-07 00:02:10

I wouldn't leave an under 18 alone while I went away on holiday. Although DH and I leave our 3 girls at home when we went away for one night last summer. They were aged 19,16 and 14 and they were left in charge of the 19 year old as she is very responsible and had been living away at uni for a year by then.

tabither Wed 27-Jun-07 00:03:55

I would never leave mine - i remember the wild teenage parties i went to and there is no way. They can stay with friends!

Aloha Wed 27-Jun-07 00:05:43

God no, don't leave him unless you want a houseful of teenage vomit from the party he advertised on Myspace.
Let him take a friend. My stepdaughter, nearly 16, is bringing a friend with her to our villa in a few weeks. We are hiring them bikes to give them some independence, and they are so excited about it, which I think is fantastic.

Quattrocento Wed 27-Jun-07 00:06:26

Do you like your house?

mumblechum Wed 27-Jun-07 08:33:41


slayerette Wed 27-Jun-07 08:49:10

Aloha - that's a fantastic idea! My ds is only 4 but I'm filing that plan away for future reference!

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