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15yr old boy - whats acceptable...

(10 Posts)
4rylou Sat 15-Dec-18 19:45:26

Can i ask what you allow your 15yr old boy to do...
What time do they have to be in?
Do you allow them to stay out at friends, not having spoken to their parents?
Do you make them sit and do homework?
How do you stop them smoking?
What would you do if you found out they had stayed at a friends all night without an adult present, and this so called parents was allowing all the kids to hang around their house im guessing smoking...would you allow this, and how do you stop it..
Im so tired of the arguements. Ive tried keeping him in, it seems to make things worse. Im finding so many parents seem to let them out til 11 or allow them to have loads of friends around alone and drink alchohol. Im finding it so difficult to find a balance between giving him some independence and keeping some control. Im really not sure i can trust him, but he says all his mates give him a hard time when hes not allowef out or has to be in id really appreciate some guidence here..im losing the will!!...

VioletCharlotte Sat 15-Dec-18 20:26:12

15's a difficult age! Is he year 10 or 11? My DS started going out to parties when he was 15, but he's a summer baby so most of his friends were 16 before him. They all do seem to start drinking around this age. We had one awful incident with DS paralytic on vodka (mates older sister bought it for him hmm). After that he was more sensible and stuck to beer. He's very anti smoking thankfully, but a lot of his friends were smoking at 15. It's so difficult. What are his mates like?

4rylou Sat 15-Dec-18 20:45:50

His close friends are ok, but some of his friends seem to allowed to do whatever they want. Hes currently out with his friends and constantly messaging me to be in for 11 after ive said 10. Hes in yr 10 he turned 15 in oct. He just never wants to be in. One of his friends was found face down paralytic at there friends house so i know they are drinking. Im yet to find him drunk but i know hes smoking...

Adversecamber22 Sat 15-Dec-18 21:01:56

DS is now 17 he was really in to football, from age 7 to 17 he was in a team.

He is now in air cadets and goes twice a week plus some weekends where he is learning to fly.

He is not a total angel he has got very drunk a couple of times but my elder sister said her boys hobbies kept them occupied and out of mischief and I’m inclined to agree.

Because he has always been in to sport he is anti smoking. Plus the other boys he has hung out with mainly have been similar to him because of their sports commitments.

What you have is peer pressure with friend sthat aren’t a good incfuence and a boy with no clear hobbies and too much time on his hands.

Adversecamber22 Sat 15-Dec-18 21:04:34

If he breaks a rule then there has to be a consequence that you have to follow through. When DS was playing on his Xbox too much we threatened to take it away. We did when he still wouldn’t keep the times given, we returned it and he never did it again.

Never make an empty threat.

VioletCharlotte Sat 15-Dec-18 22:06:26

I think you need to stick to your guns. It's different in the summer holidays, but in the winter when it's cold and dark 10 is late enough. They always try and push the boundaries, of his curfew was 11, he'd be pushing for 12!

Agree with @Adversecamber22 about hobbies. My DS17 is also really into football and that does seem to help. I noticed a definite divide amongst the 'popular' kids in year 10/11. One lot, basically good kids, a bit of drinking and smoking but nothing serious. The other lot got heavily into weed and god knows what else.

It's really important to keep the lines of conversation open with them. The kids who go off the rails are often the ones whose parents do nothing but have a go at them and criticise.

4rylou Sat 15-Dec-18 23:10:28

Thankyou, hes never really had hobbies as such, we tried football, karate etc but nothing really stuck. My daughter is in to horse riding and it she doesnt have the time to spend with her friends like my son.
Maybe i need to be keeping him busy, cant imagine finding a hobby for him at this age will be easy!
He came in at 10. I def need to stick to my guns..

KittyMcKitty Sat 15-Dec-18 23:50:38

To try and answer your questions (my 15 year old isyear 11 - I wouldn’t have allowed him to do these things a year ago).

He goes out at weekends- if it’s a party he can stay out till 12 / 12.30. I will buy him drink (4 cans cider) for parties. He will sometimes stay over at friends at the weekend- that’s fine.

He takes part in a competitive sport at quite a high level, that takes up a bit of time- they like to party but not at a time to jeopardise their performance.

Homework has to be done - I don’t have to make him - he knows tge schools/ my expectations - you don’t go out if it isn’t. He’s just had mocks and nobody went out for those 2 weeks. If he wasn’t achieving as expected at school we would talk about it. He is at a selective school and expectations are high. He has to achieve high grades to stay for the 6th form and very much intends to stay.

Homework is done downstairs. No TV’s / games consoles upstairs.

Smoking is not considered cool at his school.

I think I’m a fairly relaxed parent and he can do pretty much what he wants as long as school work / sports commitments are all met. He understands that if he lets his side slip then things would get tougher. He wants to achieve and knows this would only happen through consistent effort.

Overall I trust him and his friends.

KittyMcKitty Sat 15-Dec-18 23:53:20

Imvho teenagers like consistency and to understand clearly what is expected of them.

YeOldeTrout Mon 17-Dec-18 13:33:44

If he's still asking you about whether he can come home at 11 (not 10) then he does respect your authority. You're not doing so badly there.

They do like boundaries being imposed.

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