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How do you ever manage to cope with self-harming?

(6 Posts)
TheLittleDogLaughed Thu 06-Dec-18 11:38:08

My dd (now 16) has been self-harming on and off for 2 years. It was particularly bad about a year ago and has died down but I discovered tissues soaked in blood in her room just now cleaning. So I read her diary. An asshole thing to do I know but she writes about how much self-harming she's been doing and how suicidal she is.

Now I just feel awful that I haven't noticed any signs of it all coming back. We're due to go away for a funeral tomorrow leaving her home alone in the daytime (no school). I don't know what to do.

TheOrangeOwl Thu 06-Dec-18 11:53:25

Honestly, giving just time, space and support. It's hard, and I've been on the self harming side of this, and struggled on and off with it for 10 years. It took a lot of learning CBT methods, therapy, learning to talk about feelings and a hell of a lot of determination not to. Pets can really help and be a comfort as they can give people something to talk to if they struggle with people (I know I did). Also CAMHS helped, and other counselling. Get her referred to MH services if she isn't already. In the meantime, as much as it sucks, don't try to force her to stop. It sounds backwards but it just makes it worse as she will not learn the coping mechanisms to stop by herself over time, resulting in more relapses and she will feel like it has to be kept secret when she needs to learn to talk about it openly. Just be there for her as much as you can but not too pushy either, and let her vent at you when she feels like hurting herself, talking is so important. Good luck, and look after your own MH too. thanks

TheLittleDogLaughed Thu 06-Dec-18 12:10:11

She's been with CAMHS for a long time now but she doesn't open up to them at all. She's in a PRU at the moment as she didn't cope with mainstream school so this is a medical unit for kids with severe anxiety. She talks to the counsellor there but yes, she's hugely secretive. She's been given so many strategies.

She has this thing in which she produces extra collagen in her skin so all her scars are really awful, very large, bulbous, pink. It just saddens me hugely and I feel totally helpless just watching this happen.

Penguinsetpandas Sat 08-Dec-18 02:10:47

Would she be better at home than a PRU if that's possible? I would try and keep her talking and tell her you love her. I think 16 to 18 is the hardest time of your life with all the pressure of exams etc. It's often about boosting self esteem and reducing self hate but it will take a while. Worth watching out for other MH conditions / autism, anything were there will be tailored help but needs professional diagnosis. flowers

TheLittleDogLaughed Sat 08-Dec-18 03:20:08

She has an ASD diagnosis, diagnosed this year but she seems to be very mildly affected by that in most ways. Compared to other kids I’ve met on the spectrum. But it does affect her socially.

She doesn’t do well being kept at home as she becomes very depressed and inward-focused. The PRU is very supportive and v quiet and is only 9.30-2.30 each weekday. It’s good for her to get out really.

pinkmarshmallow18 Mon 10-Dec-18 11:24:02

Hi. I’m new here but my daughter is 17 now and has been self harming just under a year now but had tried counselling with 2 different associations but couldn’t open up. She’s now using Teens in Crisis and talking via text weekly for 45 mins. It’s the longest time she’s been in contact with a counsellor and I think it could be helping. May be your daughter could try this? It’s tough isn’t it?

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