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My 15 year old says she is bisexual!

(71 Posts)
dogsbodymum Tue 04-Dec-18 17:37:51

So my daughter 15 tells me she is bisexual, I love her whatever she is, she's beautiful and intelligent and we are close, so I'm glad she's told me.

My question is from other parents, does she really know her sexuality at 15, is it maybe normal at that age to be confused. I just can't imagine her being with another female lol, it doesn't make any difference with how I feel toward her but I'm just wondering if teens go through this?

shapeshifter88 Tue 04-Dec-18 17:39:40

at what age did you know u fancied boys?
I'd say 15 is really late. I knew who I was attracted to from about age 10.

KnobOfStork Tue 04-Dec-18 17:43:02

I knew from about 11 that I wasn't "straight" I would agree it might be early if she was 5 but by 15 plenty of my friends were in same sex relationships, some of whom they're still with now.
I think some people will experiment, many well into adulthood, and that is also normal but doesn't mean that many don't know.

KonaMum Tue 04-Dec-18 17:44:03

She’s 15, not 5. She’s probably been having crushes for a good 5 years or so and whilst a bit of experimentation CAN be a phase, why is she any less likely to know she is bisexual than straight which you seem to imply is the default.

From personal experience, I was pretty sure I was bisexual when I was 12. I’m married to a man but have had relationships with people of both sexes. I don’t really identify as any particular sexuality, I like what I like. Some lesbian friends have been through bi curious phases as have some straight friends. It’s impossible to tell if it will last but at the end of the day does it really matter? Sexuality is probably a spectrum rather than a set of distinct points anyway.

Soontobe60 Tue 04-Dec-18 17:45:11

Perfectly normal, I would say!

dogsbodymum Tue 04-Dec-18 19:20:09

Not sure when implied being bisexual or indeed any sexuality is a default hmm. I honestly don't care what sexuality she is, she's still the same person, I'm really just asking do you know for sure at 15. I'm trying to think back I do remember being confused, I didn't fancy girls but I dunno I do remember experimenting i wasn't completely clear about things till I was an adult really !

MoseShrute Tue 04-Dec-18 19:23:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotANotMan Tue 04-Dec-18 19:24:20

Why wouldn't she know at 15??

I knew I fancied boys at 10. My DS definitely fancies girls and he's 10. Why wouldn't a 15 year old know who she fancies?

Branleuse Tue 04-Dec-18 19:25:28

I think her being bisexual now doesnt mean she will be bisexual at 40. You never know. She could be gay by then! Or of course she could end up with a bloke. I would imagine at 15 she certainly would have a sexuality though. Its not too young

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD Tue 04-Dec-18 19:27:27

Did you have any idea? I have lesbian relatives and it was always ‘known’ that they were gay. No one was surprised when they came out’.

If it’s a complete surprise to you then you are either not very observant, she’s been struggling to keep it hidden really well for a while, or she’s jumped onto the ‘interesting’ bandwagon.

empmalswa Tue 04-Dec-18 19:27:45

Do you know for sure at any age?

Lots of people end up in same/opposite sex relationships which goes against all their other relationships.

Angeladelight Tue 04-Dec-18 19:28:02

Please be kind to her. I had a similar conversation with my mum when I was 15 and she humiliated me. Ultimately, it she feels she is bisexual then that is how she feels. It’s not really something teens take lightly in terms of telling their parents. She may well feel differently once she has started having proper relationships but asking her how can she know for sure would come across as unsupportive and like you’re hoping she’ll turn out straight ( not saying that is the case but it’s delicate)

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD Tue 04-Dec-18 19:29:06

That’s fine - keep safe and don’t date via the internet’

TinselBee Tue 04-Dec-18 19:31:50

Even if you think she may be experimenting why should that matter? Let her experiment

I knew I didn't fancy just men or just women from about year 7. By age 14 I knew I certainly didn't see boys the same way as my friends did but also didn't really see sex in same way as majority of people around me.

I was never able to open up to my mum about my sexuality because I remember her questioning me about a "rumour" my younger DSis has been told at school about me kissing another girl. She claimed I was attention seeking and just experimenting.

Needless to say She never met any of my girlfriends.

Please just be supportive of your daughter right now as either experimenting or knowing your sexuality is a minority can be a difficult and confusing time.

It's great she felt able to open up to about her sexuality btw, shows she feels you will support her xx

TinselBee Tue 04-Dec-18 19:32:43

Good point made by empmalswa top

Oblomov18 Tue 04-Dec-18 19:33:12

Could be so many things:

Some people are definite. Some change and lean more to one than the other, in later life.
For others it's simply about the person, be that a male or female.
For others it really is a phase.
Or it really seriously could be the trend, that it's more cool to be anything but straight.

Does it really matter?
You don't know which of the above it is. Yet.

MamaDane Tue 04-Dec-18 19:37:23

Hello. It's nice that your daughter feels like she can trust you with something so personal.

I came out as bisexual when I was 16 and then as a lesbian a few years later. I had been attracted to girls for a long time but without actually realizing it.

I later realized why I was always staring at a certain girl in my class, why I always obsessed over female celebrities and never males, and why I never dreamt of getting married (as soon as I knew, I then dreamt of weddings and all that stuff) even though I always wanted to be a mum. Etc.

I was slow, so it took me a while to figure out who I was, but when I finally did at 16 within six months I had told my mum.

Now 10 years later, the best thing my mum ever did was to support me without any judgment.

15 isn't late or early in my opinion. She's going through puberty and realizing who she is attracted to.

dogsbodymum Tue 04-Dec-18 19:39:50

No it doesn't matter I just wanted to know what people think. She definitely just fancied boys at age 10,11,12,13 and 14 so it doesn't seem to always work like that! Of course I'm kind to her and supportive of her, why wouldn't I, nor do I care if she experiments just curious about the whole thing, I guess we will see!

eloliphant Tue 04-Dec-18 19:47:43

I knew from about 11 that I like girls too... 15 isn't too late and I don't really know why it's funny or why she's not bisexual because you " can't imagine her with a girl ".

bobstersmum Tue 04-Dec-18 19:53:32

My lovely step daughter told us a year ago when she was 12 almost 13 that she was bi. We just said we didn't care we loved her no matter what, and thanked her for being so honest. She is quite a closed book though really, she doesn't come and chat about people she fancies so it was a surprise that she told us. I however, wasn't surprised, I can't quite put my finger on it but I always had an idea (I've been her step mum since before she was 1)

dogsbodymum Tue 04-Dec-18 19:54:01

Ofgs elolipjant really!!!

dogsbodymum Tue 04-Dec-18 20:00:47

Aww bobstermum that's lovely, so glad she could come to you. See I think that's why it's shocked me a little, my dd was very much boys, boys boys and still is really. She does have a friend who is gay and she's very close to him, became involved in gay pride, got to know a lot of gay/bisexual individuals, so I'm wondering if that has influenced her or made her realise that was who she was. Like people say I don't suppose I will know for sure for a while yet

EvaHarknessRose Tue 04-Dec-18 20:00:51

I was kind of opposite to Mama, I had dated boys/men and then started to be obsessed by certain girls in my early twenties and came out as bi - but then I figured out that I more wanted to ‘BE them’ than date them, loved the female form but never felt that ‘in love’ feeling with girls and never pursued anything. Only clear to me that I was straight by my mid twenties though! I was also socialising with a group that revolved around a very charismatic woman who everyone within a 25 mile radius fell for (leaving everyone questioning their sexuality) so that might also have had an impact.

dogsbodymum Tue 04-Dec-18 20:01:46

Thanks for that Eva

Sunisshining5346 Tue 04-Dec-18 20:23:43

@dogsbodymum before this thread descends into chaos..

One thing is for sure, you obviously both have a very good relationship with each other, as she felt safe enough to come and tell you how she feels..a lot of teenagers wouldnt!

You have obviously done a fab job of raising your daughter ❤

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