This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
Seriously bad attitude in 13 yr old(6 Posts)
What would you do if your 13 yo dd told you to piss off ?
I’d start by pissing off with her pocket money / any techie stuff I bought her. I might even piss off with the nice treats I buy her as part of the groceries. I would definitely piss off whenever she needs a life to get to a friend’s house.
Yep - next 3 things she asks for say No and mean it
No to a lift day out extra screen time etc
You wouldn't put up with it from a friend
Yes.. withdrawal of privileges is the way to go so I've taken away Alexa and phone for 2 days. Apparently that makes me "weird" as no other mum would do that and I'm "so overreacting" as telling your mum to piss off is "no big deal" . Oh and silly old me should have given a warning before removing privileges...didn't foresee that outburst so my fault for not dusting off my crystal ball. Feel like pissing off permanently tbh!!
You have not shared the circumstances with us and I think they are important - were you being respectful towards her?
I'd go and cool down a bit and then have a chat with her. What were you asking her to do at the time, calmly ensure you finish the conversation and she finishes the task or understands your point. Try not to inflame the situation - the "lip" might continue for a while, it's a stage. You have to help her understand that it's not a good tactic and it doesn't make her appear more grown up by being rude - don't use words like cheeky - that make her sound like a child - she'll be desperately trying to behave like an adult, so show her how an adult communicates appropriately - this means you do not get to shout.
Above all you need to be calm. My ds told me to fuck off when he was 13, we'd been arguing, he felt frustrated, he should not have sworn at me but I should have walked away from the argument, I didn't need the last word - he's 15 now and we get along famously and he never swore at me again but I had to change, I had to dig deep and change my approach, fanning the flames of teenage hormones doesn't help anyone - helping them to calm down and get what they want by behaving in a more adult like fashion appeals to their need to be treated like a grown up and it also means you are being asked for things in a much nicer way. The Kevin years are really awful, hormones and frustrations mixed with the overwhelming desire for independence and yet they are often filled with fear of growing up - it's not surprising they lose it occasionally, try not to take it personally.
We have a no phones in room rule at bedtime which she has always given us grief over. Last night she gave over her phone and went up to bed only to come back 5 mins later to unplug her charger and take it up to her room. This obvs made me think why does she need charger when she hasn't got her phone. I then remembered seeing her old iPod in her room which after a year of being redundant dh has just unlocked and got working again. She's obvs been using this after bedtime as all social media is on there....so I was challenging her over this. That's how it all started. I get hormones etc gave kicked in but this is yet another instance of deteriorating behaviour over the last 12m and I'm so worn down. She hates being parented and having rules. She'll be rude, sometimes physical ie pushing or hitting...and when she gets punished she feels hard done by. I've been in tears and she just didn't care....it's Planet Fudgecake's dd all day long...she moans how hard done by she is yet we do do much for her. If course all she focuses on is us being the thorns in her side setting out the boundaries and delivering consequences when she oversteps them. It's so bloody hard