My 18 Yr old son is out of control

[1980Becks]

My 18 year old Son is out of control. He is extremely angry and flips out over the simplest things. He often drinks but smokes weed constantly. He doesn't have a job, got kicked out of college, and hangs around with people often a lot younger than himself, age 14/15 and just get stoned all the time. He is verbally abusive at home which causes distress to my 14 year old son and as a result of this he often struggles at school. My eldest turned 18 at the end of September, since then he has been beaten senseless by apparent strangers and for a seperate incident spent a night in a police cell. I took him to the drs last week and he has beenr referred to a drug and alcohol councellor and an anger management specialist but to be honest, i dont think he will go along to any sessions. I think he has ADHD but am unsure on how to broach the subject with him. I have tried kicking him out before and instantly regretted it. I love him so much but he is absolutely intolerable most of the time. I feel constantly anxious when he is at home and then worry when he is not. My Husband and I are absolutely desperate. I dont know where to turn for help or what to do!

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

I’m so sorry, I have no experience to offer. The only thing I can think of it calling adfam or family lives.

Hopefully someone will be along soon with more experience

[OrgyOfSpookiness]

Why would you think he has ADHD?

Does he have any inclination to find a job?

[1980Becks]

He is very impulsive and always has been. He has never behaved well at school even at a very young age, and had not been great at home when it comes to following rules. He gets very angry and does not seem to be able to control it. He says he smokes weed to calm himself down. I may be wrong but from looking at the symptoms online, they all seem to be present.

[1980Becks]

Thank you. I was thinking of calling family lives today, and I will have a look at Adfam. Xx

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

I’m not sure how you would broach the subject of ADHD if I’m honest. It’s usually hereditary so do you or his DF show any signs or anyone else in the family?

[Squeegle]

My son has adhd - he is like this. He is 14 though. I guess it is worth broaching it if you ever have any heart to hearts . Or is there anyone who he is close to in the family?

[flossietoot]

Barnardo’s do lots of work with young people too. I would give them and the Princes Trust a ring. Only thing is if he doesn’t want to engage with support you may need to wait until he hits rock bottom.

[1980Becks]

Thank you. I will give them a try. I'm hoping this is his rock bottom, though I fear it isn't xx

[1980Becks]

There is no one else he would want to talk to. I would be the only one. I just need to pick my moment wisely. I think you're right, a good heart to heart x thank you.

[AK99]

I've been through something similar with my 18 yr old DS... he has a lot of anger. he lost his father to an accident 8 years ago so i truly believe he hasn't dealt with that grief and sense of loss.. i believe his anger is a result of that. he's been in trouble with the law, drugs, violence etc. our relationship was very strained for a long time. i truly believe that some form of family counselling will do us good but how do you get an angry, stubborn know it all 18 year old male to go to counselling if he doesn't think it will do him good or he needs it when the law says he's an adult! I've also been trying to move to different area i think a fresh start and change of environment will do him/us good.... but im struggling....

[TigerQuoll]

I have an online friend who has been through everything you can go through with drugs and alcoholism over several years (he nearly died on a few occasions), and come out the other side and made up with his family and is starting a business with his boyfriend, he has his life back on track through hard work and bloody-mindedness. If your son uses Discord and would be interested in chatting with him, send me a pm. He might get an idea of what terrible future awaits him if he doesn't make an effort to change things around.