Ds, 13 - excluding classmate

[Lulu182]

Hi, I'm hoping someone can offer me some advice around friendships. Long story short there's a boy in my sons class who isn't his favourite person but still used to play Xbox with him quite regularly. Now the boy ( understandibly) thinks and wants to be friends with my son and another boy. They've almost stopped communicating with him on Xbox and other social media and today he sent a message to them asking if they were still his friends. My heart broke for the boy a little as neither one of them replied. How do I handle this? Obv I can't force my son to be friends with someone but I hate that he has just totally disregarded someone's feelings like that. It must have taken some courage aged 13 to send out a message like that then to have it ignored?! My son isn't a bad kid I think he just doesn't know how to handle it, any advice would be good, I plan on talking to him about it tomorrow. TIA

[Bowchicawowow]

You need to teach him that it’s important to be kind.

[sayatika]

Do you know why your DS and friend stopped communicating with the other boy? Maybe find that out. It's normal for people to ignore a situation when they don't know what to do about it. But it can be awful for the person who is being ignored. Maybe tell him that?

[BrokenWing]

If they are part of a bigger friendship group I see no reason why the boy should not be included, it would be unkind to exclude him, but at the same time it is not your ds's responsibility to ensure he is included. As long as hes in the group chat it is up to the boy to develop his friendship with the group.

If your son and his friend have a tight knit almost exclusive friendship and they dont want to include this boy in that friendship as it changes the dynamic I would encourage him to expand his friendship group and include this boy when they do things as a larger group. If your son doesnt have a bigger friendship group be careful as 1-1 friendships frequently and easily go wrong.

[Bowchicawowow]

Brokenwing I tell my dc not to exclude people all the time. I differ from you and think it is up to my child to be kind and inclusive.

[SoupDragon]

but at the same time it is not your ds's responsibility to ensure he is included

But he is deliberately excluding the boy by ignoring him. That is unacceptable and unkind.

[Lulu182]

I've spoken to my son and the boy in question had sent him quite a nasty message a couple of months back after they got into a bit of a row (I read the exchange and it was unprovoked) so since then my son has tried to keep his distance. However I explained that while that was understandable he should still reply to messages and be polite and respectful to others. He sent the boy a message back explaining they probably aren't as good friends as they once were but he was still happy to talk to him in school

[SoupDragon]

That is a mature response :)