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Less Family Time with Teens/Pre-Teens

(18 Posts)
AmICrazyorWhat2 Mon 05-Nov-18 15:57:44

Is it normal to feel relieved when your teen/preteen are out of the house, say at a friend's or playing a sport? I've noticed that both DH and I are less focused on having"family time" lately and plan ways to do our own thing more (even if it's just walking the dog together). We happily agree to most sleepovers or afternoons out offered to our children! grin

Are we being nasty parents, wanting to have less time with them? We both do certain activities separately with them, which seems to work better as DD and DS bicker constantly.

I'm just really aware that DD (13) will probably be at university in 5 years so I do want to treasure this remaining time with her...but she can be so grumpy and she doesn't really want to be with her middle-aged Mum unless I'm paying for something or she's got a problem she wants to share. grin

OP’s posts: |
woodlands01 Mon 05-Nov-18 21:20:18

Make the most of it. In a couple of years you'll be constantly worrying about where they are, who they are with and what they are upto.

Everythingis a phase, enjoy the good ones.

Teenageromance Mon 05-Nov-18 23:36:55

Love spending time with my teens when they are up for it so no it’s not normal for me to feel relieved when they are not there.

blackeyes72 Tue 06-Nov-18 10:10:25

I feel the opposite, but maybe because we have younger ones too.

When the teens are out the younger ones are more demanding and also I become a taxi driver so basically have to clock watch as to what time I need to drop them off/pick them up.

siakcaci Tue 06-Nov-18 10:12:58

Relief? No. Never.

Meet0nTheIedge Tue 06-Nov-18 10:20:48

l'm the opposite TBH, I don't have any problem with them spending time with friends, popping to town without us etc but I like nothing better than when one of them asks me to go with them or if we can go to the cinema together or similar. I'm very aware that they are growing up fast and its all part of their becoming independent but I want to make the most of their company for now.

pasanda Tue 06-Nov-18 10:22:58

I'm with you op!!

pasanda Tue 06-Nov-18 10:24:51

It's not that I want to have less time with them. It's just that I enjoy the peace when they're off happily doing their own thing. They're happy, I'm happy. It's not like I'm forcing them to go out and about.

With 4 dc I dont feel guilty about this in the slightest.

PhilomenaButterfly Tue 06-Nov-18 10:28:53

We haven't got there yet. DD 11's out until 4.15 one afternoon for brass club, and until 4.45 two afternoons for SATs boosters. When she's at home she's mostly in our room for the WiFi. hmm

Deliphant Tue 06-Nov-18 13:44:03

I think that's normal OP - my DCs are quite adept at spoiling a day out if it's to somewhere they don't want to go, so we have started doing our own thing more.

KingBee Tue 06-Nov-18 15:45:10

It's a normal part of them developing independence from you and you from them. I enjoy the alone time I get with dh - when they were younger we got this in the evening - now we steal it for a dog walk or a quick pint in the pub...and sometimes I enjoy a quiet tidy house. I love sitting around the dinner table with them, chatting about our day - that's the special time for us - and I really miss it if they don't join us.

BigusBumus Tue 06-Nov-18 15:55:29

I feel this too. I love my boys utterly (they are 16,15 and 12) but now they want less and less of me I am enjoying the time that my husband and I get to have together more and more. Perhaps we just have very good marriages and still like our husbands!

mumontherun14 Wed 07-Nov-18 14:11:48

Lol. I worry/miss them when they are out but then I worry if they are in and in their rooms too much! My 2 have sporty hobbies so they are out a lot and i do miss them but then I am glad they have things outside school and are with friends. I try and go along with my DH to watch them as much as we can. Family time all together is harder to organise and get something that pleases everyone as they are very definite in their likes/dislikes. I like it if we can get a film we all like or a meal/trip out/holiday together but its defeintly less frequent mainly due to the sports schedules. I like walking the dog with DH as well or even getting to watch a drama or go for a meal/drink x

AmICrazyorWhat2 Thu 08-Nov-18 01:35:54

@BigusBumus

I feel this too. I love my boys utterly (they are 16,15 and 12) but now they want less and less of me I am enjoying the time that my husband and I get to have together more and more.

Glad I'm not the only one! "Relief" probably isn't the right word, it's more like a guilty pleasure that I'm enjoying the child-free time, it feels slightly wrong! OTH, I know that older children should be spreading their wings and doing their own thing more, and it'll only increase.

I think DH and I had almost forgotten what child-free time was and we're remembering that it's quite nice!

OP’s posts: |
IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls Thu 08-Nov-18 01:46:29

My DC same age.

Im cutting my hours , changing job and taking a very big salary cut to be around more at home for them before they leave the nest.

EvaReady Thu 08-Nov-18 09:34:47

Im cutting my hours , changing job and taking a very big salary cut to be around more at home for them before they leave the nest.

I hope that works out for you - just don't expect your teens to be immediately grateful or want to spend more time with you...or resentment could fester.

AmICrazyorWhat2 Thu 08-Nov-18 13:38:44

I hope that works out for you - just don't expect your teens to be immediately grateful or want to spend more time with you...

I don't think mine would even notice that I'm around more...except I'd be more available for lifts grin

OP’s posts: |
IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls Fri 09-Nov-18 03:18:04

thanks @EvaReady - i know my DC - and yes they like my presence in the home , i am lucky.

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