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Would you allow your DD to take time off school for period pains?

(54 Posts)
PinkandGreenFish Fri 02-Nov-18 06:31:42

DD is 13 and currently sitting in the bath; she's supposed to be getting ready for school.

She had a day off (so 2 days off) for each period she has already had since going back.

I do provide her with pain relief, etc. and tell her if they get really bad, I can come and pick her up.

She's demanding she just can't get out the bath yet, so idk what to do. I don't think I can let her have another day off, can I?

Thanks

OP’s posts: |
TokyoSushi Fri 02-Nov-18 06:34:49

Not really if it's just 'standard' period pains rather than something more serious.

We all know that it's not fun but unfortunately we just have to get on with it and can't take time off every month as much as we'd like to!

Tell her to keep herself dosed up with whatever painkillers she needs and perhaps have something nice, chocolate or similar waiting for her at the end of the day.

giantbanger Fri 02-Nov-18 06:37:44

Get her to the GP. They can help.

PinkandGreenFish Fri 02-Nov-18 06:39:03

I've tried telling her that she will have periods for so many years to come and you can't have a day off every month for the rest of your life but she just gets the hump and says they're really hurting. I feel awful demanding she gets out the bath and gets ready but I don't know what else to say to her.

OP’s posts: |
1Wanda1 Fri 02-Nov-18 06:39:16

I have had this with my DD (now 14, periods started at 10). I took the view that she will have to live with periods for life so will have to learn how to handle it. That said, bad period pain can be crippling so I did also rake her to the doctor and we tried mefenamic acid, which was of limited help, so now she is on the pill, which reduces flow and cramps.

HunterHearstHelmsley Fri 02-Nov-18 06:39:21

It really depends. I've never suffered from period pains so have never taken time off. My sister, on the other hand, was taken to hospital from school once. Her period pains were so bad that they thought she had appendicitis!

Do you believe she is being genuine about the pain?

FATEdestiny Fri 02-Nov-18 06:40:13

No, I don't.

My DD went through a phase of trying to stay off school each period. With hindsight I think this was a symptom of friendship issues and anxiety rather than acute pain. She just needed to work through some social issues. Once she had, she never mentions anything other than normal (non debilitating) period pains.

So I would be inclined to not automatically assume the pain is serverly acute.

I also explained period poverty and how girls should never be disadvantaged due to their period. I gave her 4 hourly paracetamol and ibuprofen. If it had continued I'd have gone to GP for the pill to help, but it was never really needed.

PinkandGreenFish Fri 02-Nov-18 06:40:32

I did think about getting her an appointment at the doctors.

Yes, I think she is being genuine, she isn't usually one to exaggerate.

OP’s posts: |
giantbanger Fri 02-Nov-18 06:41:02

Posted to soon.

My DD went on the pill at 13 because she was crippled and her flow,was so heavy and they were coming every fortnight.

There’s stuff the gp can do it’s not like it used to be and I don’t see why our daughters should have to suffer when there are treatments.

JellycatElfie Fri 02-Nov-18 06:42:06

Period pains can be horrendous. I have spent hours in the bath or shower trying to calm the pain or with a hot water bottle clamped to my stomach. Please don’t send her if she’s really in pain sad take her to the GP today if you can. If you’ve never suffered you don’t know how bad they can be!

AJPTaylor Fri 02-Nov-18 06:42:55

I would listen to her and take her to a sympathetic gp.

TheFirstOHN Fri 02-Nov-18 06:44:13

I work in a secondary school looking after the health needs of pupils, and I help dozens of teenage girls to manage period pain. I would not encourage her to get into the habit of being absent for a couple of days every month. That's nearly 10% of her lessons missed.

If the period pain is not helped by ibuprofen, she needs to go to the GP and ask for mefenamic acid. You can also get adhesive heat packs she can wear to school. If the mefenamic acid doesn't help, go back to the GP and ask for further advice.

Fatted Fri 02-Nov-18 06:44:18

I'd let her stay off today but with the warning that she will be going to the doctor with you today about the pain because she can't go on like this. Judge her reaction from there.

wafflyversatile Fri 02-Nov-18 06:44:51

Does she normally want to dodge school or sit in the bath not wanting to get out? If she says she's in a lot of pain she probably is.

ILovePierceBrosnan Fri 02-Nov-18 06:46:25

Workplaces will not tolerate sickness at this rate. You need to help her develop skills to survive in life and attending work is one of them.
She needs to resolve ways of managing it rather than staying at home. Home is not a cure ...it just offers the comfort of lounging around in your pyjamas. She would be much better off finding better pain relief via her GP

SnuggyBuggy Fri 02-Nov-18 06:46:46

I would get a medical opinion.

Has she tried taking painkillers as soon as she starts? I used to find if I waited for the pains to start then painkillers weren't as effective but if I took an ibuprofen as soon as I started it was fine.

I don't know what the school's rules are but I would let her have her own supply in her bag.

Di11y Fri 02-Nov-18 06:48:07

if they're bad enough to regularly miss school she needs to see the gp. I was given velefanic acid (or something) or she can go on the pill.

it needs sorting, I had my period when I had GCSE exams.

TheFirstOHN Fri 02-Nov-18 06:48:54

If you can get a GP appointment today, take her to that.

If you can't get a GP appointment today, take her to a pharmacy, get her some thin adhesive heat packs, stick one on her, give her some ibuprofen and send her to school (late if need be).

HoppingPavlova Fri 02-Nov-18 06:48:57

Definitely see the GP as the first step. Mine were that bad that I would vomit and pass out from the pain when on standard OTC stuff and I would need to have a shot of pethadine. Over the years I had numerous combinations of the pill and heavy duty prescription pain meds for period pain. If my DD suffered with period pain I would take it seriously, luckily for her it does not seem to be the case.

I don’t think just letting her take time off every month is the answer though, it needs to be addressed and strategies put in place. There may be a physical cause that can be addressed. Otherwise appropriate treatment options. I remember taking the pill without a break when in upper high school and at uni when exams were on so I didn’t get my period at those times, stuff like that.

HoppingPavlova Fri 02-Nov-18 06:50:52

Should have added mine vanished immediately on having kids not that I would advocate that as the solution grin. Never suffered another spec of period pain after that.

bumblingbovine49 Fri 02-Nov-18 06:53:19

I used to get vomitting and really bad diarrhea with mine sometimes . I remember being doubled up on the floor in pain unable to move. Not every month by any means but often enough for it to be a real nuisance. The very worst usually lasted about 7-12 hours but my mother called a doctor once when it was so bad she didn't even realise it was my period causing it (I started my periods early at 10). I vividly remember this episode and the pain 43 years later.

I eventually got better painkillers prescribed which helped most minths untill the flooding stated when I was a lot oilder. Periods are not something I miss at all post menopause.

Take her to the GP

Staringcoat Fri 02-Nov-18 07:05:55

I 've dealt with this exact same issue recently. I allowed my DD time off school because she was genuinely ill. She had horrific pain, vomited and has fainted on two occasions because of periods. She is now on medication to treat this. But she still suffers horribly so she does the best she can. She does miss school occasionally but only when the symptoms are truly unbearable.

I understand what some pps are saying about periods being a fact of life so we have to learn to get on with things. And of course a girl can't miss school every month and a woman cant miss that much work. But if a boy or a man was in terrible pain, and fainted and vomited, would we even be debating the question of whether they should have time off? It's great to be stoic, but sometimes I think women's stoicism works against them in that if we were no longer content to "shut up about periods and carry on" then there would be more understanding and practical provisions made at work and school perhaps?

It's great if you are a woman who doesn't suffer, but we are not all the same!

PrincessHairyMclary Fri 02-Nov-18 07:18:39

When I was that age periods made me vomit, have diarrhoea and some days I couldn't stand up straight it was awful along with migraines. Going on the pill at 18 helped massively and I wish my mum had told me that was an option to control periods.

In most schools you are not allowed to leave the class without a toilet pass so if she needs one when she has her period the pastoral team or whatever her school have may issue her with a temporary one for the week of her period but may require medical evidence. She maybe more inclined to go if she knows she can nip to the loo if she needs it.

Branleuse Fri 02-Nov-18 07:21:49

I had period pains at school that felt like early labour. I was bent double, faint, my body ached and tingled painfully from under my breasts down to my thighs.
I had to go and get mefanemic acid. They were awful for the first few years of periods. The pill sorted them out a lot when i was 16

AnnaFiveTowns Fri 02-Nov-18 07:31:45

Yes. But only because when I had periods, especially when I first started my periods, the pain was incapacitating; so much so, that when I was in labour it really wasn't much worse than a period for me. My severe pain would last for about 2 hours and I literally could do nothing.

So I suppose it depends on the severity of her pain.

I think while she's getting used to managing her first few periods it wouldn't harm her to stay at home for the day. I can remember getting into a right state with blood at that stage, simply because i wasn't used to dealing with tampons and pads; it takes a bit of practice.

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