Custy's brilliant advice to mums of teenagers - well worth a read (hope you don't mind custy)(29 Posts)
I have copied and pasted this from another thread because I think it is fabulous and i think all mnetters with teenagers should read it. Didn't want to start any further comments to the OP on the original thread
for what its worth i think the "privicy" for teenagers brigage are full of shit ( love you all) but so naive. i check my DDs text messages occasionally. it is after all my job to keep her safe. not so long ago i had a shit fit becuase some guy from bolton was travelling down to see his 14 yr old GF ( my dds friend) and bringing a friend with him.
all this gleened from text messages. without my knowledge my daughter could have gotten into an awfull frightening situation becuase she didn't think it through - that boys don't travel 300 miles to "visit the effing pier dear" <cue blood draining from her face"
enough about me no some more....
it sounds like you have hit one of those i mean one of those spots with your kid. Thing you have to realise about mumsnetters in the main is they have younger kids and are basing their experiences on themselves "i did it... well didn't we all...i was shagging sideways come sunday i was" etcetc.
this viewpoint changes dranatically when you are a mother of a teenager.
so you have generally a good relationship with your son. you found some grotesque stuff on his phone - bin the phone. or ban it for a while.
and the men on here are right. your simply not going to fight his dick urges - cos mum aint gonna win over titties
in that light then - all i can urge is that you create and maintain a household where your kids know that no matter what kinds of holy fucking shit hey get into. YOU above all people are the person to turn to. YOU.
i did buy my oldest son condoms. praying to the virgin mary jesus and all the saints that he wasn't going to do it - wasn't going to help - the ostrich shit - just gets someone a desease, dead or pregnant or arrested.
so facts are needed. sexually transmitted deseases. ooze puss filled dicks - always make a boy think IME. tell him that he could be arrested, that the girl could say he forced her becuase she doesn't want to get into trouble off her parents. tell him he wouldn't be able to do all kinds of jobs becuase he would be classes as a sex offender - a paedophile - and that will stay with him for a long time. tell him babies cost money, shitty nappies, crying all night.
no shit faced beer induced shag fests in ibiza ( if thats appealing? or insert your own) when he is 18.
this gets em.... no more birthday or xmas pressies when babies come along - the babies get it!
and the cherry... sex is fun. in fact its great..... me and your dad love it! <eurrrrrrrrrgh> and done responsibly its ok. so he should come to you anytime he wants - condoms - you'll get.
get some anyway - he wont ask.
and all this mustn;'t be done in one over the dinner table talk like he is under interrogation.
but casually ...in the kitchen i find best... whilst peeling potatos and asking if the history homework is done.
or in the car in casual conversation.
always with a " i love you, YOU ARE MINE, anything at all, i'm your mum... now shut yer gob and pick your shit up off the stairs"
however all this being said. i think its some ugly porn being passed from moby to moby... and you know your son best - i reckn from what you have said its prolly not more than that - but its given you a heads up to begin the drip, drip, drip.
there will be the most horible girls come knocking ( with unclean hair) at which you must smile ( and others called Janet! fking JANET!..) ask about the girl - keep yourself informed.
check up on sleepovers. go see the mum if poss or speak to mum on phone. tell your son what i always tell my children " i don't care if its 3am, call me. even if its only a @funny@ feeling you have, your uneasy, somethings not right. if your shitfaced - call me. sure there will be a punishment, but i promise i won;'t go apeshit anytime day or night - any reason any distance, i'm there"
make sure they know they are unconditionally wrapped in love. that cushions the hard shit and keeps you atune to their ever expanding dangerous lives.
i hope this lengthy monologue helped.
yep. custy's right again.
i am a form tutor to 14 yr old boys at the moment. lots of porn goes moby to moby. And they are all 'nice' boys in my formy, really.
tell them the ugly truth about STI's like she said. My auntie who is a nurse also did so about tatoos to my brother and it kept him from getting one. I would also take him along when you buy the condoms. Yes, it will be embarrassing but they'll get over it.
Aren't teens his age allowed to buy them themselves? I think if you are man enough to screw, you are man / woman enough to buy your own condoms. I have sold them to teens before when i lived abroad and admired them for having the balls to buy them for themselves.
don't underrate making an appt with the gp to have a one to one. your teen can do so without you present - infact, i recommend it that way.
my son will be 14 this year (scared) atm my biggest worry is why he stays in his room all day chewing felt tip pens and lego
I love Custy's advice. It's spot on.
Thanks for that
DS is 12 and so I am hoping to be prepared
So any advice I get I am thankful for it
I absolutely am in unison with Custy
DS is 13 and is snogging and allegedly madly in love. I have been open and frank and respectful and approachable by being his mum and his friend.
I am shit scared of his odyssey but like custy I know I ain't gonna win over true love But I will know he is safe and sensible and he will always be able to tlak to me
my god that brilliant and I recogise some of that stuff that my mom did !!!!
I have an 17 yr old nephew they are all the same yet as rude as he is and a wordly wise as he pretends to be he still hasnt had sex yet and neither have many of his mates
As the mother of two teenage boys I couldn't agree more
I want to know what's wrong with my eldest DS - when I suggested that he was probably too old to go on holiday with us next year, he protested and said he still wants to come. Seriously, why doesn't he want to go to Ayia Napa and get pissed and shag everything that moves like all the other nice boys his age
Sniff - how do you know he has not had sex yet????
Have no teenagers but as always-Custy's advice is spot on-just love it!
Without sounding to "wank"-Custy your advice is always so "real"-and makes me larf
Yes I read it and managed to get to the end. One of the longest I have read TBH and very worth while. Should go on womans hour or something.
that bought tears to my eyes - well said custy.
My ds is 13 and still a child it seems - although everyone tells me I am dreaming! No girls ..yet....
But I hope hope I can give him this sort of security when he eventually tries the forbidden fruit.
I shall cut and paste this for 3 years time!
agree with you mears, I read it on the other thread and thought the same - brilliant stuff.
My DS's are only 2 and 1 but have read, learned and inwardly digested for future reference!
That's brill advice - I only hope i remember it in 14 years time! By then we may be accessing mnet telepathically!
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
They are normal ( I hope) My dd1 is still happy to come on holiday with us despite just finishing her first year at uni ( well we are paying). She hasn't had a boyfriend either , as far as we know . When you read about all these teenager's lives it makes me wonder if she's ok but common sense tells me she IS. However her younger sister, aged 15 is making up for her, being on boyfriend number 2 already and wanting to be more independent by the day. Since number 1 didn't pave the way, we are now on a steep learning curve with number 2 !!
She really does rock!
I have built an altar to her in my house.
Filed this away in my brain for 13 years in the future.
LOL at the bit about peeling potatoes - my mum (who I think did all this - she was a biology teacher so v good on explicit sexual health info) is currently on at me about how important it is to have a house where the children can sit at the kitchen table while you're cooking as that's when they talk to you.
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