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Childless stepmum support needed

(9 Posts)
Isolatedsm Mon 15-Oct-18 19:46:31

Need support from someone who understands. I am a childless stepmother and my partner has a nightmare needy ex wife. It really upsets me that he constantly checks his phone for text messages from her. This weekend, after having a previous pregnancy loss last year, I mentioned that maybe we could try again for a baby. He didn't give much of a reaction either way. He seemed really distracted this weekend and I later got it out of him that his ex wife had text him to say their son had been beaten up. Anyway, just before bed I caught him checking his phone again. He tried to deny it. It really riled me and what annoyed me more was that he doesn't get annoyed by her texting him and interrupting our weekend. Instead he tells ME to fuck off when I confront him about not being annoyed about being interrupted by her. It's a constant theme.

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OP’s posts: |
Thatstheendofmytether Mon 15-Oct-18 19:50:13

Not sure what the end part of your post is all about but of course he was checking his phone if his son had been beaten up. He will be worried about him.

Isolatedsm Mon 15-Oct-18 19:54:58

Yeah I know I understand that. I think it upset me because there is always some new drama with his teenage son. It also upset me a lot because I mentioned that I'd like to try for a baby. After previous loss and a lot of indecision it was quite a big thing for me to feel ready to bring up again. I just allowed myself a little glimmer of hope and to think what it would be like to have my own baby then boom...as usual I'm suddenly I'm brought back down to earth and reality with a crash

OP’s posts: |
Thatstheendofmytether Mon 15-Oct-18 20:02:45

I'm surprised he still goes through his ds mum for everything. He is a teenager after all so could probably contact his dad himself. As for the trying for a baby you need to talk to him and ask if that's what he still wants. If not perhaps is time to find someone who does want the same things as you and is willing to put his ex to the back of his mind.

FinallyHere Mon 15-Oct-18 20:08:44

why do you want to have a baby with a man who tells you to f#£& off?

Isolatedsm Mon 15-Oct-18 20:19:03

Finally here - I don't like the arguments or nasty words that get said but we only really argue over the kids.

Thatstheendofmytether - I'm relieved to hear someone else say that. I mean they are 14 and 15 now. I thought the kids would be contacting their dad themselves by now! I'm from a divorced family and my parents hardly ever needed to speak to each other. I had a mobile phone and contacted direct

OP’s posts: |
Clairenewbie Tue 16-Oct-18 03:19:16

To be honest with you, it’s to much drama why bring a baby into that environment? Consider your future, you’ve no baggage, your partners telling you to eff off and checking his phone constant to see if his ex wife is texting, Why you still there? He’s clearly hung up on her, don’t you think you deserve better and finding someone who will put you first?

Isolatedsm Tue 16-Oct-18 04:38:45

I too think that there shouldn't need to be contact through the mum anymore. The reason for it is his teenage son is always in trouble. Doesn't go to school. Involved with drugs. Got beat up this weekend and that's why she has been texting. Yet they have also labelled the kid as 'autistic which I think is the biggest excuse for bad parenting j have ever heard

OP’s posts: |
FinallyHere Tue 16-Oct-18 07:45:26

* we only really argue over the kids.*

And yet you want to bring more children into en environment which is, to say the least, sub optimal.

I do not think you are seeing your partner very clearly, you are assuming that the children, the ex are all making your life difficult without appreciating that it is actually coming via one person, him. We don't get to choose what happens to us, but we do get to choose how to react to it. He is not being kind or considerate to you, why blame anyone but him?

Are you sure this is the right relationship for you?

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