[Apologies this has posted as a massive block of text; I can't get the box to format]. If you manage to wade through any of this and reply, very grateful!Currently I have no idea what to do, would be grateful for any advice.17 yr old DD and 16 yr old DS (2 of 3 teenage siblings) locked in hugely hostile silent treatment since Friday, when DD was out for friends' 18th, and DS bumped into their mixed group in town and joined them. (Both siblings in the same school, DS socialises with a lot of the boys in DD's year, so this is isn't per se an unusual thing). DD didn't want him with her group and he refused to leave, and was, according to DD, 'being an aggressive prick' to another boy in their group. DD told me tells me that this was all prefaced by another party she had been at - another 18th - the night before, where she got off with a boy; DS, having heard about this on social media, apparently texted her to tell her she was 'disgusting' (god that makes me angry just writing it down). Boys in DD's year teasing DS for his sister having got off with someone from what I can tell, but I have DD's word only for this though, no evidence and I haven't asked to see. DD was really upset by this, completely understandably and so didn't want DS out anywhere near with her and her friends; the boy to whom he was being aggressive was apparently the boy with whom DD got off. DS refused to leave ,and in fact stayed with the older group even when the couple of friends of his own age had headed home and even after DD had come back (in tears). Lots of stuff kicking off on social media apparently, and DS 'shaking with rage' (why?) in school at the boy (2 years older than him) whom DD kissed etc. DS when asked about any of that night says, 'I'm not saying anything, there's lots I could say but DD won't want you to know and I'm not telling'. Fast forward to this morning, when I knew 0 about this back-story (which DD has told me just now). Odd atmosphere between the two of them was all I'd picked up on;. DD driving DS to school as they both have an early club. DS, usually really slow to get ready, there on time waiting for her to bring the car up. He puts his bags on the back seat and slams the door, and in a nano-second DD drives off at a ridiculous speed, leaving him on the pavement completely stunned - if his hand had still been on the door handle he would have been really badly injured, and at that pace in a 20 mile area if someone had stepped out in front of DD she would have caused huge damage. I was furious. DS phones DD, who comes screeching back up a few minutes later, DS gets in, and DD screeches off again way too fast. They are clearly shouting at each other in the car, but to me it looks like a clear mistake - DD thought DS had got into the back seat and drove straight off. The level of aggression and hostility between them is mad; but now they are both in the wrong in my eyes, DS for his horrendously sexist policing of his older DD and demeaning comments and macho posturing as some other poor guy, and DD for really dangerous, careless driving that could have caused a serious injury. Where do I even start with discipline/sanctions/interventions? So far I have actually only heard DD's version of events, DS is in such a foul mood I can't get anything useful out of him apart from dark intimations that the situation is far worse than anything I could imagine.....Any thoughts? Even the dog is looking morose this evening, the atmosphere is so fraught.
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No idea how to handle this: massive hostilities between DD and DS, dangerous aggressive driving!
32 replies
thunderbee · 24/09/2018 22:56
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