Travelling to US alone after GCSEs

[kinseymilhone]

My eldest DD will be doing her GCSEs next year, after which she hopes to travel to the US, visiting a couple of relatives in different states, eventually ending up in the Bahamas to stay with great aunt (her dad's side of family) who lives there and go diving (great aunt is a professional diver, DD has never dived before but loves swimming and the sea). DD would be financing this trip herself with savings and she will be nearer 17 than 16 at date of travel (Oct birthday). I'm not sure whether I should be supporting or discouraging her plans! I'm all for her having independence and adventures but a big part of me feels it would be better saved until after A-levels (and maybe combined with a Camp America type thing and a gap year). I would not be able to go with her as a) she wouldn't want me to!and b) have younger DC I could not leave or afford to bring.

Is she too young for this trip? Or am I being over-protective? (DD would say the latter and will be most displeased if I say anything negative about her plans so I have to be careful how I approach this!)

I did travel to the US myself with a friend when we were both 14 and stayed with family friends for 3 weeks but times were different back then...

[Hoozz]

I would agree with you that she is too young and should wait until after A levels. But I admit I'm over protective.
She's 15 now. If you don't want to agree to this I would be firm about it now, if you appear to be thinking about it she will see a chink in your armour and try to change your mind .
Mine are older now but one thing I remember about 15 year olds is that they change their plans. A lot.

[lljkk]

This could be us (except my Dd doesn't have a spare £3-£4k lying around to finance it). I could imagine letting my DD go, but I wouldn't commit to the plan until April/May next year, at earliest. Not least b/c of Brexit uncertainties in value of money & ease of travel. I assume the relatives in USA have all said they'd be willing to have her, and they will chauffer her etc?

We stuck 16yo DS on a plane with 17yo friend to visit the friend's relatives (Syrian refugees) in Berlin one week. The Syrians completely looked after them, worked out well.

[somewhereovertherain]

My dd did that this summer flew to sfo then on to family in phx. All fine the airline asked about um but she was happy. Go for it.

[mathanxiety]

I would not allow my own DCs who are all American born and bred to travel from state to state and then off to the Bahamas unless they were being chaperoned every step of the way. I am letting DD17 off to see her oldest sister in another state for a week in October - this can only happen because older DD will be with her at all times, picking her up at the airport, ferrying her around, feeding and watering, etc.

There are practical difficulties like credit/debit cards, ID, phone accesibility/roaming, that would be hard to work out. Someone aged almost 17 would be on her own in a very different environment from the one she is used to unless the rellies are prepared to chaperone 24/7.

I would wait and do the Camp America thing when she is older.

I don't consider myself a nervous nellie - my DCs have all gone out of state for university with my blessing and have made their own arrangements for spring break, etc., since 18, and have done plenty of partying both while living at home and at university. I don't think you're being unreasonable to hit the brakes here.

[PeePeeHula]

But where is she going to stay? I think 16/17 is too young for America alone based on the culture (let alone other reasons). Really you need to be an adult or with one to stay in most places - hostel/hotel.

[lljkk]

OP said "visiting relatives" which I imagine to mean staying with them, not wandering around country on greyhound buses looking for cheap hotels each night. OP needs to clarify.

In USA, unless a 16yo has paperwork to say they are emancipated minor, they would be treated as an abandoned child in the scenario some of you are imagining.

[ourkidmolly]

No too young. That's a complicated trip and you'd be anxious so what's the point. She needs to wait till 18. I think she could get questioned as a minor quite easily.

[TheVanguardSix]

I'm an American mum with a 16 year old DC who just started Sixth Form, OP. I was you last year. DC was going to go to California to stay with relatives this past summer. That was the dream. And then came the reality.

The reality is, in America, you drive, everywhere. Relatives have lives and jobs and the every day, mundane stuff which prevents them from being as hands-on and totally available to our travelling, adventurous, teenage DCs with all the time and not a care in the world. It's too much of an ask for relatives.
And the conclusion I came to was that DC would be sitting around, bored most of the time, waiting for relatives to take him places. Getting around in America on your own at 16 is madness. And I really, really wouldn't want my DC travelling around the states alone. DC is independent as well. He often takes the train from London to Brighton to see the relatives. He travels by bus, tube, bike around London.
I grew up in the States and did the teenage road trips. OP, America, great as it is, is also hella dodgy. Weirdos abound. Not wanting to freak you out, but seriously, I wouldn't do this trip right now. It's not as 'youth' friendly a country as the UK is.

[kinseymilhone]

Thanks to everyone who replied, every post has been so helpful. I am really hoping that DD will change her mind over the next 6 months before we would need to progress to the flight booking stage. Just to clarify, she would be met by relatives at every stage of the journey and stay with them (the ones she has talked about have already issued open invitations for her to visit "whenever"). They are DDs dad's relatives (he died when she was very young - hence the savings/inheritance money). The great aunt in the Bahamas is tremendous fun and would welcome her with open arms (and is positively encouraging the visit). Other relatives are less well known to me personally although DD has been in contact with them through her grandparents.

My gut feeling is that she is still too young for this trip. Although she is mature and sensible, she is full of the over-confidence of youth and thinks she can handle anything/thinks she knows it all. I can't seem to get her to understand or accept that travelling alone to another continent may throw up more challenges than making a couple of changes on a national train journey (which she has done several times now).

Perhaps a compromise might be the solution - holiday in the Bahamas with Great Aunt but no extra travelling/visiting other relatives this time. That can happen after A-levels if still keen.

[kinseymilhone]

Vanguard thanks that is a very good point about the relatives having other things to do and not being at the beck and call of a visiting teen 7 days a week. Even cool diving auntie has work to do filming sharks with Steve Backshall. Not sure what DD thinks she would be doing whilst the work is going on.

[mathanxiety]

You don't have to book flights even if she is still adamant. You can take her passport. This would be pretty drastic of course, but I would put my foot down. I like the idea of the compromise trip to the Bahamas.

Just to clarify, I am in the US and so are my DCs. I agree with everything TheVanguardSix said. She would be a sitting duck for all the dodgy weirdos out there.

Even if DD was taking planes to the different relatives, she would still be stuck at home all day every day. How frustrating to be stuck 25 miles from a beach and not to be able to get there... Or to be too far from a train station where she could get a train to a city...

She might be able to get out and about in big cities, but if she is expecting the ease, convenience, user-friendliness and safety of the Tube or the London bus system she will soon be disillusioned.

[TheVanguardSix]

The Bahamas trip sounds amazing and I’m wondering if that could be a compromise. It sounds like this might be a trip she could make alone at 16, especially since her auntie sounds incredibly accommodating.