This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
How much honest info do you give your teen when discussing sex?!(4 Posts)
I just wandered how honest and open people are with their teens when discussing sex? I am trying to make sure that my Daughter is well informed from both a mental and physical point.
For example, have you explained physically what their first time is likely to be like? I mean a really frank and honest way, informing then that it will probably be nothing like they see in the romanic movies and also nothing like some teenagers might have seen in online porn where the it goes on for ages!! From memory, teenage sex can be over in the blink of an eye!! I was 15 when I first had sex and that was often the case for my boyfriend in the early days!!!
I am very keen to highlight that if she feels that she is ready to be this close with her boyfriend (which I know that she is thinking about as I saw a text message when she asked me to check for some info on her phone and I clicked on the wrong message) that there are plenty of other things that they can do. I am hoping that this might also make her wait before actually having sex, as they are both only 14, which i think is very young.
On the other hand, I don't want to gross her out or come across as being a weird mum for being to open!
I have already had a few conversations with her, and focused a lot on the emotional side of things, as I think that this is really important.
I'd love to hear how anyone else has managed to feel confident in the knowledge that they have fully prepared their teen for the reality!
Having had parents who didn't tell me anything and I went to a strict catholic school who taught me nothing about sex ever, I went down the complete honesty route. But I never talk about me personally either with people before Dh or with Dh.
So I phrase things like some people like oral sex, some people don't, it is personal preference and no-one should be forced to do anything they don't want to do. I would never reveal whether or not I or Dh engage in this activity. But I would talk about what oral sex entails or let my son watch the amazing Dr Lindsey Doe who does some very good sex education videos on YouTube but I select them, he has not watched them all. The channel is Sexplanations.
I have a 15 year old son and we have, I believe, very open conversations about sex, relationships, emotions, feelings, friendships everything.
Fortunately there have been some situations at school meaning we have discussed things in detail, such as sex between two 12 year olds (I wish I was making this up) and how the boy and girl were viewed differently despite doing the same thing. Several months later we talked about what if the girl was now pregnant? How would that play out? Who would be paying for clothes/nappies etc?
There is also a pregnant girl in his year group, so she was pregnant in year 10 and telling everyone how happy she was (father is same age) but my son was horrified because he understands the responsibility of being a parent as he has a baby cousin.
We use every day events to discuss attitudes of men toward women such as the celebrity big brother "assault" and he is very aware of Brock Turner case etc.
I believe knowledge is power, you can make informed decisions if you have the information, if you are taught to think about comes next. I was so naive as a teen it is frightening.
Dd, 13, asked about hand jobs & blow jobs last night following a conversation with her school friends/class mates last night
We were factual.
My parents told me nothing & I learned it all from Cosmo
I plan to follow DM who, when I had my first serious bf (I was 17) said ‘remember, if the sex isn’t fun, dump him’.
Beyond being that open it’s so difficult as things are clearly very very different to those days when my male friends had underwear magazines for sex models.