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Im so worried about my dd1 (14).. She told me a few months ago and today, she want to be dead and she is addicted to social media.. It's long....

(9 Posts)
biglips Tue 04-Sep-18 22:29:38

A few months ago. We found out she was self harming herself a bit and we don't know why as she wouldn't tell us so we paid for her to have counselling.which today found out its not working for her so we've arranged to changed counsellor. At the same time, she had a 17 yrs old Muslim boyfriend from eypyt through instagram till we found out he was controlling her, we didn't know cos she was deleting the messages till my dh found them, so we told her to cut all ties from him. she was so much happier the next day, Her anger for months before that was coming on waves, but we saw a difference in her after she cut all ties, like she was relieved.

We took her phone Off her 2 hrs per day over the summer holidays but she torn her knee ligaments the day before she broke up for the summer holidays. (I know..bad timing) so we had to change our plans a bit with also our dd2 (9) and ds1 (6) as she couldn't do much walking but we still went out. Obviously it wasnt her fault and she knows but I noticed her mood was up and down. Probably fed up.

she saw her 2 best mates a few times and they had sleepovers at ours (they live about 10 - 15 mins drive way. They met each other in high school). But she won't hang around with anyone else, even to just to get her out of the house. today we suggested maybe she to join a club of maybe art as she is really good at it and to make a bigger circle of friends. She is not interested but at the same time she said when she was in tears that she is bored and is not happy..... It's like something is holding her back.

We don't know What to do.

Before we bought her the phone when she turned 11. Over the years, She did dance, swimming lessons, athelics, muay Thai, football club and then suddenly her life is around the phone and she dropped her hobbies.

Please help.

She is off her phone for a break from social media cos of her attitude toward me in the past few days. I've asked her why she being like this and she said I can't tell yer..
.!!!

I really miss my lovely, brainy, beautiful, Funny daughter amd I know some part of it. It's hormones but jeezs!!!

I wanna inside her head and able to help her as she knows we are there for her but she won't open up 8/10.

OP’s posts: |
Gotthetshirt68 Tue 04-Sep-18 23:58:10

My daughter took an overdose at 14 and was self harming but this was due to bullying . We did same with counselling she also had CAMS help her. From experience the best help she got was from Barnardos. You have to make an appointment with your local GP, explain the situation and they will do a referral letter to Barnardos .
I understand your anxiety . Does your daughter keep a diary ? I battled with my conscience about going to read her diary as she wouldn’t tell us anything in case we went to the school ...... anyway we were desperate so I read it and it gave me all the information I needed to be able to talk her in a way that I was able to help her open up to me . She still doesn’t know I read her diary and I will never do it again as she is now a happy 18 year old who is stronger and very confident now through the help she got with Barnardos and support from family .
You mentioned hormones , they do play a part , my daughters periods were every two weeks from age of 13, got it checked at doctors and she was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovaries which play havoc with moods.... maybe get her checked ?
Good luck, it is the worst feeling loosing your happy, loving beautiful girl, but you can get her back with the right help 🙏🏻

biglips Wed 05-Sep-18 10:40:38

that's the thing that she won't tell us whats and why is she feeling like she was to disappear. I did asked her if she was getting bullied and she said no. i know when she is on her period as she is moody and so am I..lol... but i'm gonna take her to the docs to see if she does have the Polycystic Ovaries, or not.

I will have a look into the Barnardos this afternoon. thanks for that.

she does write a little it..but mostly suicidal talk. I had to ban her from listening to "Lil Peep" music as it was all about suicide...it was not good to listen to and also "XXXTentacion" music..same thing. (they are both dead now, lil peep took an overdose last oct and XXX was murdered in May this year...my dd1 couldnt stop crying for days!!)

At this moment, we dont know anything from her. She said she felt lonely, even being with her mates or with us, but i found out in one of lil peep's songs, he was feeling lonely and he's better off dead.

sad sad sad

OP’s posts: |
biglips Wed 05-Sep-18 14:00:57

Typo......she is not 14 till oct

OP’s posts: |
Gotthetshirt68 Wed 05-Sep-18 14:49:39

You will have to contact GP first to get a referral to Barnardos , it’s something to do with funding . CAMS are the mental health organisation within NHS but I’m afraid someone has to have attempted to take their life before you get their help.
I can totally understand your anxiety and it breaks my heart so many young girls and boys are going through this, it’s turning into an epedemic and the school our daughter was at admitted this .
There is always a trigger and this is key, once you know the trigger then the help can start . If she’s saying she’s lonely it sounds like she has trouble connecting with people or trusting people - this can be linked with bullying ?
I’m by no means an expert but I’ve learnt a bit over the past 4 years to know what to listen for and what to watch .
My daughter also listened to same music and she used to write down her own lyrics which were awful to read .
Sometimes people who are being bullied are embarrassed to say they are being bullied so I would investigate that further ?
Are you friendly with her friends mothers ? Could you talk to them in confidence, they may have been told something .
Another consideration is that it could just be a phase , albeit a very dark one until hormones settle which in my experience takes a good 3-4 years from starting periods and can even go on into their twenties . Diet is really important too, if like my daughter she’s a sugarholic this played havoc with hormones and makes moods worse, something to do with sugar levels affecting how her hormones function .
I really hope you manage to get a break through with her and get the correct help for her .
Also check if her school has an on site counsellor , somewhere she can go if she’s feeling overwhelmed , our school had this but sadly she was overstretched and time was limited ...... much more help needed in schools ..... another subject !
Best wishes

biglips Thu 06-Sep-18 09:33:00

There is something that we have said (me and my dh) that dhs daughter stopped coming round to our house for 3 years from the age of 15 - 18. We still don't know what and why she stopped. She was running away from her mums alot as her mum is not a nice person. So she went to live with her nan and is still there now. She is 19 now. Cut the story short, when dhs daughter got back in touch. My dd1 was very off with her and was asking questions to dh of why did she go away? we said it was up to dhs daughter to tell her...cos We still don't know why. my dd1 is quite difficult to talk to dhs daughter (they have met up once for a coffee but they were quiet but they did talk abit) but dd1 is quite difficult to talk to me and dh.

She had washed her hands off all her primary school friends around here. She doesn't like the people around here. (she was hurt by 2 ex best friends around here, so does that cause her to not to trust people??... I don't know).

She is popular at school. It was one of her best mates(she got 2), that told dd1 to tell us about her self harming. I dont know her mum.

Her diet is fine,, not great, but ok, but the portions are smaller, but I do find alot of sugary stuff in her school bag. I don't give her money, she said her mate gave it to her. I cant prove it that she bought it.

She got a school counsellor as we went in June about her self harming..but she not seen anyone yet.... I'll give it a week and then I'll ring her school.

I'm gonna try and talk to her at the right time to get something out of her.

I'm glad that your daughter is better now as it's so frightening. How long was she counselling for? As my dd1 had 4 now that I've paid for as the waiting time was 8 months!! I've canx it but it is supposed to be a good counselling place but I think the lady and dd1 didn't click.

OP’s posts: |
Gotthetshirt68 Thu 06-Sep-18 15:29:41

She had 4 years of counselling off and on with CAMS and similar organisations
And it’s been nearly a year with Barnardos once a week with a break every now and then . I never attended any of her sessions with CAMS or Barnardos but I used to go to review meetings with Barnardos. I used to email CAMS and Barnardos if I had any concerns and they assured me it would be tackled in her sessions .
She’s finished all her sessions now .
It’s so important they click with who they are talking too . I had to request a couple of changes at CAMS until we found a lovely lady she just clicked with , she was a no nonsense type but my daughter liked that approach rather than the tread carefully .
Such a personal thing to get right too.

biglips Thu 06-Sep-18 19:34:57

The counselling that my dd1 went, we never got any feed back or I couldn't talk to them. They knew that she was self harming but counsellor didn't asked any questions about it. When I rang, counsellor said she was waiting for my dd1 to open up about it..I said she ain't gonna do that, unless you ask her questions. Dd1 said all she did was talked about her day and she did most of the talking.

I will ring on Monday as my other children are off school tmrw.

Thank you for your advices as it's very muchly appreciated.

OP’s posts: |
momloveslilpeep Tue 05-Feb-19 15:23:12

i believe that peep and x are not the problem i myself listen to them i think it is your daughters outlook on life maybe a therapist is in need

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