What should I do about 16 year old dd - she is still in bed (13.20 and counting)!

(57 Posts)
hmcAsWas Mon 13-Aug-18 13:20:34

Okay so she doesn't need to be anywhere, so technically its not an issue. I let it go last week as we got back from Canada last Monday and our sleep patterns were askew, but its been a week now

I also suspect that she has delayed sleep phase disorder and I have booked a GP appointment for her tomorrow.

During term time she would struggle with the early start since she could rarely sleep before 1 or 2 am. She would shower the night before so that she could literally get up 15 minutes prior to leaving the house. She would then just throw on clothes and go (eating her breakfast in the car). I enabled this by driving her in, when she could have got the school bus which would leave half an hour earlier. She would be quite zombie like by the end of the week and would use the weekend to sleep in and recharge.

I have told her that I am not prepared to drive her to her sixth form college every day in September and she will have to get the bus which leaves at 7.20.... she does have a genuine problem I think (the delayed sleep phase disorder) hence the doctors appointment tomorrow. I just wonder how far I should accept this? Should I be dragging her out of bed right now? (I've been up three times trying to coax her to get out of bed), or should I just let sleeping girls lie? It just feels 'wrong' for her to still be sleeping (as she has pretty much every day since we got back from holiday)

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JenBarber Mon 13-Aug-18 13:24:08

I'm still in bed.

Can you come and drag me out and motivate me too, please?o


ApolloandDaphne Mon 13-Aug-18 13:24:37

She sounds like a normal 16yo whose body clock has set to a different time to yours. Teens love to sleep. Their hormones are going awry at this age and it can cause issues with their sleep patterns. Research appears to support the need for the extra sleep.

hmcAsWas Mon 13-Aug-18 13:26:36

I could try JenBarber but clearly I am not very good at it.

Thanks Apollo, so I should just let it go then....

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MyKingdomForBrie Mon 13-Aug-18 13:26:46

Sounds like me as a teen.. she'll grow out of it!

TheQueef Mon 13-Aug-18 13:26:57

Teens need more sleep.

The upside is they aren't asking for money or food while sleeping, enjoy the peace.

BigSandyBalls2015 Mon 13-Aug-18 13:27:01

My 17 year old DD is still asleep. I'm leaving her until 2pm and then waking her up. It's a vicious circle otherwise, won't be able to sleep until early hours tonight and so it goes on.


whathaveiforgottentoday Mon 13-Aug-18 13:27:00

Fairly normal 16 year behaviour I'm afraid. Teenagers tend to have a delayed sleep pattern anyway and she sounds like the majority of my post 16 students. As long as she's getting up for school/work I wouldn't worry.

P.s I'm in my late 40's and still sleep in - always have done but I tend to work better at night.

Johnnyfinland Mon 13-Aug-18 13:27:48

I’m 28 and still sleep in til gone 1 most weekends. I also struggle to get to sleep before 1am. I’ve had all the blood tests and doctors investigations to see if there’s anything wrong with me - apparently there isn’t. I think some people’s body clocks are just set this way

whathaveiforgottentoday Mon 13-Aug-18 13:28:10

Oh and most grow out of it.

hmcAsWas Mon 13-Aug-18 13:28:23

Okay - thanks. It helps to get some perspective

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FabulouslyGlamorousFerret Mon 13-Aug-18 13:28:29

My 14 dc has become totally nocturnal this holiday - up until 3am and in bed until after lunch each day. I've tried to argue it, threatened to turn the WiFi off but have decided to pick my battles - he'll be knackered he first week back at school but will become a normal diurnal being again in a few weeks!

ToothTrauma Mon 13-Aug-18 13:28:32

Leave her alone, she’s a teenager and they sleep differently to adults.

Aprilshowersinaugust Mon 13-Aug-18 13:28:56

Negotiate - this is the last week she can stay in bed after midday. Next week 10, week after 8. Or September is going to be unmanageable.
The easiest way to get a teen from their bed is a bacon sandwich ime.
I am vegi but works for the ds's!!
Find the vice for your dd!

ApolloandDaphne Mon 13-Aug-18 13:32:00

Also has she agreed to go to the doctor about this? At 16 my DD's were booking their own appointments and going in alone to see the GP. If she doesn't think there is an issue with her sleep and doesn't want to go and speak to the GP you can't make her.

whathaveiforgottentoday Mon 13-Aug-18 13:33:45

Wouldn't try getting her up earlier until 2 days before returning. As an owl I just accept first day back in September is going to be a shock to the system but I get an early night after 1st day and generally back into routine (been teaching 25 years and has worked so far).

hmcAsWas Mon 13-Aug-18 13:34:59

She has agreed Apollo - she would like to be able to get to sleep earlier, particularly during term time

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WhatHaveIFound Mon 13-Aug-18 13:36:58

I wouldn't drag your DD out of bed in the holidays but i would start waking her up earlier as the new term approaches.

My 16yo DD is just the same but i figured she has had to get up at 6.30am five or six days a week for the last 5 years and she deserves a break before it starts again in September.

DuchessAnnogovia Mon 13-Aug-18 13:47:19

Both my DC were superglued to their beds when they went through their teenage years. They both stayed up late and got up late. Typical teenage behaviour

whathaveiforgottentoday Mon 13-Aug-18 13:47:31

Look into why she goes to bed late.
Is she up working late?
Playing on computers?
The light from digital appliances plays havoc with our sleep patterns.
Look up about good sleep hygiene (that's the term they use) and follow the advice.
We generally have a sleep gate ( a window of time when we feel
Sleepy) so she needs to learn how to listen to her own body and to get into good habits.

However, anxiety can be an underlying cause of sleep problems and the lack of sleep can make the problem worse leading to a vicious circle. If this is the case, then it may be worth seeing the GP.
Teens need more sleep than they realise so for some they need up to 9/10 hours. The amount of sleep we need is individual so some can manage on less, some need more but in general teens need more than adults.

Hizz Mon 13-Aug-18 13:48:07

delayed sleep phase disorder It's called being 16 grin
I really think you should think again about dragging her to the GPs.

At this age they do seem to have different body clocks and in particular struggle to get to sleep early.
Mine were both the same and I ledt them to during holidays unless they had to be somewhere, irritating though it may be. They also both had to catch a bus at 7.30am for sixth form. Although they learned to drive at 17 which helped.
They do grow out of it but not really until 20 ish IME.

DS1 was the worst for this and even at 22 and working full time he finds it extremely difficult to get to sleep before 1am.
DS2 uses one of those lumi alarm clocks which seems to help.

hmcAsWas Mon 13-Aug-18 13:58:14

delayed sleep phase disorder

But it does exist Hizz, and perhaps it isn't something they should have to accept when it is disrupting their work / study commitments (as it is for dd during term time), and can be ameliorated with melatonin?

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hmcAsWas Mon 13-Aug-18 13:58:53

I should get her a lumi alarm clock

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Ollivander84 Mon 13-Aug-18 13:59:37

I'm the same, I hate mornings and am often wide awake at 1-2am. Just a night owl, no issues otherwise

hmcAsWas Mon 13-Aug-18 14:00:00

I also have another teenager for comparison (he is 14) - and he doesn't have the same difficulties with falling asleep

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