This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
DD17 unsure about a date(3 Posts)
My eldest DD is 17 and has never dated/had a boyfriend before (to my knowledge!). However she’s just told me that a boy in her friendship group has asked her to go on a date and that she doesn’t really know if she likes him enough to so. I’ve met this boy once when she asked me to drive him home from a party and he seemed nice enough, so the problem is not the boy.
The problem, in DD’s eyes, is her attitude towards him. She said to me ‘I feel so ambivalent about him that I worry I’ll hurt his feelings if he truly likes me’. Her ‘cons’ suggesting she should turn him down are: she is going into her last year of school and wants to focus on studies so that she’ll do well in her A Levels; she wants to go to university single; she doesn’t really find him physically attractive. Her ‘pros’ for dating him are: she likes his personality and he treats her nicely; she wants to experience a relationship whilst still in school.
I personally advised her to go on the date and see how she feels. I was a bit of a prolific dater in high school and had many boyfriends that I didn’t really fancy at all so perhaps it’s just because of this that I believe that high school relationships aren’t really serious and it’s okay not to be madly in love with your boyfriend as a teenager. My belief is that if she does have some feelings for him it’s fine for her to date.
DD is undecided on whether or not to go on the date, because she doesn’t want to ‘lead him on’ if she decides to decline to be his girlfriend.
Any advice on what she should do?
Let her make her own choice? Sounds like she doesn't want to date him. That's fine. She's doesn't need to date / snog or have sex by a set age. I find it really odd you trying to talk her into saying him when she's not attracted to him.
I would say your daughter should go with her gut and keep him as a friend. It sounds as though he is much more invested in the idea of a relationship and ultimately will have his feelings hurt, which can lead to a lot of unpleasantness down the line as sides will be taken.
My eldest daughter had a big circle of friends that were boys when she was at high school and one was particularly keen on her. She was aware of his intentions and gently let him down on several occasions. He was ok with her dating one of his friends in the last year of school, but when she left school and dated someone from outside of their group he was devastated and made her the subject of his drunken 18th birthday speech, calling her a bitch and a slut and a prick tease... His mother walked her home as she was in bits. She moved on but, 5 years on, is no longer friends with any of the boys or girls from that group.