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Ds will ONLY wear designer clothes.

(48 Posts)
newbie27 Fri 10-Aug-18 19:03:19

I'm starting to really struggle now. Ds is 15 and will only wear expensive and designer clothing, his fave atm is Hugo boss. I only work part time and a single parent. His dad on the other hand works full time with a good laid job, he's always spoilt him rotten and now he refuses to wear anything without a name (even underwear!) he shouts at me all the time as he hardly has any clothes (he's got plenty) and says I never buy him anything and it's simply because I can't afford it but he doesn't care. He calls me all sorts of names, I blame it on his Dad as he's the exact same. It's really draining and I don't think it's just a phase. He bought 2 t shirts out of 100 poundlast time I have him some money.

Labradoodliedoodoo Fri 10-Aug-18 19:05:13

He’s 15. He can get a job

woodhill Fri 10-Aug-18 19:06:22

Sorry OP but your ds is out of order.

Seriously tell him to get a paper round or part time job to pay for his clothes or ask his dad. Or for birthday or Christmas.

rightknockered Fri 10-Aug-18 19:06:35

Tell him to ask his father for the money. And agree, tell him to get a job. And ignore him

dementedma Fri 10-Aug-18 19:06:59

send him to live with his dad

rightknockered Fri 10-Aug-18 19:07:21

And only give him enough money to buy clothes from H and M or sports direct.

Ticcinalong Fri 10-Aug-18 19:07:59

Maybe see if you can get him volunteering at a food bank or homeless shelter to show him how fortunate he is.

Mishappening Fri 10-Aug-18 19:08:05

If he is stupid enough to think designer is of any importance whatsoever, then he must find himself a part-time job and pay for them himself. What an arsehole your ex is to encourage this nonsense.

Stand your ground. And he should not be shouting at you about anything at all; that is no way for him to treat anyone, let alone his Mum. There need to be sanctions if he behaves like this.

Peanutbuttercups21 Fri 10-Aug-18 19:08:08

Well,don't give in.

Shame he is learning some crap values about status clothing from your ex. Ex can pay then!

Floralnomad Fri 10-Aug-18 19:10:11

Can you afford to give him an allowance if so give him that monthly and tell him that that is all he will be getting and he needs to buy all of his own clothes / pay phone contract /socialising out of it . It will teach him how to budget and if it’s not sufficient it may encourage him to look for a job .

onedayiwillmissthis Fri 10-Aug-18 19:10:26

Suggest he goes live with his Dad?

SisterNotCisTerf Fri 10-Aug-18 19:12:20

He shouts at you and calls you names?

He seems confused about how to get people to do things for him. Almost like he has forgotten that shouting and name calling is abusive and isn’t rewarded with clothes. Perhaps you should remind him of that. Maybe take his phone too.

abbsisspartacus Fri 10-Aug-18 19:13:24

Nope nope nope tell him to keep a civil tounge in his head when he talks to you if he has a go about clothes tell him to ask his dad every time

My daughter is 18 she wears nothing designer ever she has been raised in a poor household she knows we can't afford it so don't ask

mycatplotsdeath Fri 10-Aug-18 19:13:50

Ds needs a job then!

SisterNotCisTerf Fri 10-Aug-18 19:14:04

BTW the smart people get the designers to pay them to wear their clothes. Not the other way round. He’s a mug if he wants to pay for Hugo boss to have free advertising on his chest.

HarrietSchulenberg Fri 10-Aug-18 19:14:17

Mine did too but has finally understood that I just cannot pay for big brand stuff regularly. He's nearly 18 so it's taken 4 years for him to finally get it.
Peer pressure is usually part of it, fuelled by someone's parent who will either bankrupt themselves to fund the branded lifestyle or has enough money to do it anyway but doesn't think about the lesson their child is learning.

Maybe get him to add up the cost of the clothes he wants then get him to compare it to the monthly food shop, or gas, electric and broadband. If he says, as mine did, "Why don't you get a better job?", just smile broadly and suggest he starts looking for his own job.

Stick to your guns, OP, and hopefully he'll see sense eventually.

Permaexhaustion Fri 10-Aug-18 19:27:16

At his age, give him a clothes budget.
Show him household accounts, so that he understands this is the money available.( Although, frankly, if he's not prepared to take your word for it, I'd simply stare him down)

Hand him the cash.Maybe 6 months at a time.
Point in in the direction of TKMax if he's daft about 'names'.

His choice how he spends it.
When it's gone, it's gone.

If he ever shouts at you again, immediately get up and leave the room.Lock yourself in bathroom if you have to. Do NOT reply.

When he's calm, tell him that it's unacceptable.
It stops, from here on in, or he has money docked from his pocket money or clothing allowance.

He'll learn. With your help.
You're doing him no favours if he can shout, act entitled,can't get away with it.

And commiserations- this bit of parenting is hard: but it's literally up to you how long it goes on.

newbie27 Fri 10-Aug-18 19:47:12

Thanks for all of your replies.

I already give him 40 a month but he never saves any of it for clothes. God knows what he spends it on. He sometimes blows it in days even when I make it clear to him that that's all he's getting. He thinks he can talk me round and try get even more out of me. I tell him if he wants clothes then he can either save up so he can afford the expensive brands but he never does. He says he needs it for other things like food when he's out at dinner time which he usually is, even though I always ring up and ask him if he wants any dinner saving. He spends it on things like Xbox points and games too. Another thing he's obsessed with.

His mates at school are the exact same as him. His best friend has rich parents who spoil him rotten and I think Ds feels like he has to be as good as him. I've already bought him some deakins and a Hugo boss back pack for school as he says he will get bullied if not.

I always tell him to get a job but his excuse is "it's bad pay at my age and I can only work weekends", he will never work as he enjoys his social life too much on the weekends. He's going to get an apprenticeship when he leaves school so I think until then I'm going to have to find a way to deal with it.

His dad literally gives him money whenever he asks, sometimes a tenner every few days. I honestly don't know what he spends it on I'm starting to worry if it's for anything like cigs. I really hope not. I never smell it on his clothes or anything. But because he's dad is always giving him tenners here and there he expects me to buy him clothes, oh and because he pays me maintenance too. He does buy him clothes much more often than me as well so now he's asked me I think I'm expected to pay. He says he "wouldn't dare" go in river island or H&M, which sell lovely men's clothes.

He can't live with his dad as he lives too far away from his school.

I just feel so drained sometimes by the name calling and begging, sometimes I end up giving in just for the peace. Recently I've started standing up to him and refusing because I literally can not afford it. Especially after buying him the bag and shoes. I'm just hoping soon he will realise the value of money. I wish I could spend what he does on myself every month. I never have any spare money!

WhyAreWeddingsSoAwks Fri 10-Aug-18 19:51:25

I’m going to be honest and say that as a teacher of 15yr old boys I would openly laugh at him when he has a tantrum about this.
Roll your eyes and say “well good luck with getting those clothes you wanted, it’s primark or nothing so make your choice”

WhyAreWeddingsSoAwks Fri 10-Aug-18 19:54:20

A flipping Hugo boss backpack??? Jesus wept. You’re being had woman, the only kid at the private boys school I work in who would have one of those is the son of a multimillionaire...

newbie27 Fri 10-Aug-18 19:55:41

Haha that's funny pp. I have said this to him
Many times grinI think the only thing he will wear from primark is black socks hmmI do most of my clothes shopping here and I can buy almost a full wardrobe with what he spends on 2 t shirts.

NancyJoan Fri 10-Aug-18 19:56:00

He’s going to be terribly cold come November.

He needs to understand what your household income is spent on. That the money in equals mortgage, bills, food, petrol, small spending money for you and him. He can choose not to have a phone, and have some new pants this month, I suppose.

bellinisurge Fri 10-Aug-18 19:57:32

Tell him you'll buy him something nice when he grows up. He's acting like a toddler not someone verging on adulthood.

Mymycherrypie Fri 10-Aug-18 19:58:08

Tell him he can’t live a champagne lifestyle on lemonade money.

Also, only wearing designer clothes is really early 2000’s.

didyouseetheflaresinthesky Fri 10-Aug-18 19:58:59

I agree with the above poster. Laugh at him. Ask him where exactly he thinks that money is coming from. Tell him exactly what you earn per month and how much the bills cost. Then tell him he can have decent quality cheap clothes provided and anything he wants designer, he will have to get a job and pay for because you work quite hard enough to keep him as it is.

It's shit pay at any age. When he is older, it will be better pay but he will have other things that HAVE to be paid for, so as far as disposable income goes, he is better off working weekends now, while he can still keep all he earns.

I'd also tell him that he is a spoilt, entitled brat and you are ashamed to call him your son but that's just me.

WON'T wear anything else, indeed! He'd wear it or go naked, all the same to me. Tantrums worthy of a two year old would get him precisely nowhere. If all he has is non designer, he'll just have to suck it up won't he, poor little princess. hmm

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