"Just" being 15 or something more serious?(6 Posts)
DS2 has always been a happy sociable child. e.g. on a family holiday he would have found a couple of friends for the week within the first few hours and loved to pull a practical joke on his dad/brother etc.
He's never really had firm interests or hobbies, doesn't enjoy sport or music but did a bit of model making, enjoyed scouts and general playing outdoors, was a volunteer with the local wildlife trust. Did enough at school to stay out of trouble but never excelled.
Over the last 12 months he's become more and more insular, really very shy, doesn't want to do anything or go anywhere, has lost interest in all his previous interests, one word answers when people talk to him (family or strangers, including me). I took him out for lunch yesterday and it was painful trying to get any conversation going.
All he wants to do is on-line gaming and when he's doing that I do see the old spark, he's animated and chatty with his friends online (mostly people he does know from school etc) although he rarely meets up with them IRL.
In an adult I'd say he's demonstrating all the symptoms of depression, although he says he's fine, no worries etc.
I find myself allowing more screen time than I'd like, as it seems to be the only time he genuinely interested and interesting, happy and having fun. We don't see the poor behaviour as a result of prolonged screen time which was a feature when he was younger, although it does undoubtedly distract him from his school work.
Would you be worried or is this all just another phase?
I've spent the afternoon, mumnetting in the same room as DS is gaming. He's been engaging, excited, constructive, helpful, using lovely rich language (but no swearing!) in his conversation. Unrecognisable as the young man we live with.
I wouldn't worry too much, he sounds like a lot of 15 year old boys. I would keep letting him know your there to talk to in case there is something bothering him and maybe encourage him to meet with the friends he knows who he is gaming with. Hormones cause massive changes in mood and I'm sure you will see him back to his old self before long.
I remember by big brother being just like this at that age. If he wasn't completely interested in it he was unable to amass any kind of enthusiasm. Needless to say he's a normal sociable 30 something year old now. I wouldn't worry about it too much, but maybe reassure him that you are always there to talk if anything is on his mind and bothering him.
I was quite pleased to read your post OP.
My 15 year old DS is like this. He sits in his room, either gaming, or creating music on his PC.
Everything revolves around tech. He chats and plays with friends online, but isn't at all interested in seeing them in person. We live in a small village so all of his friends are a car trip away.
We went on holiday last week, and let him take his tech with him (just so that we didn't have to put up with his moping all week). He came out on trips etc, and seemed to open up a bit by the end of the week, and was actually quite chatty.
But now - back to normal. I think/hope it's just normal teenage boy behaviour and don't want to battle with him over it as he's got a stressful enough year coming up with GCSEs looming.
Full disclosure, I am not in possession of a teenager myself so my advice is less practical stuff and more supportive
My thought would be... it was sounding difficult and potentially more worrying until your additional post, where it all got a bit clearer. I’d say it’s a really good thing that he has a part of his life where he feels free to ‘be him’ and connects with others in healthy, rich and self expressive ways.
Take that ray of hope and keep focused on that to pull you through those dark teenage years.
Try and read up on the teenage brain and the changes that happen, and the crazy journey your poor child has to go on to metamorphosise into a young adult. I find it amazing anyone ever makes it through alive!
Keep trying to connect, and make sure you show how much you love him, treading that careful balance between showing love and giving space of course!
And make sure you’re up on technology and the kind of gaming he’s into, so you can help him and keep a chink of a door open into his online world.
You sound like a lovely mum by the way
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