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18 year old son bullies me(5 Posts)
Backed up by his twin brother, my 18 year old son screams in my face, squares up to me in a domineering way, shouts swears, says horrible nasty things that make me cry, he's a nasty vicious bully to me. My kids lost their dad suddenly 22 months ago. I know he's angry but he won't have counselling. I fought hard for a young persons worker to help the boys and he refuses the help. My 14 yr old dd would be broken-hearted if i asked him to leave and i don't want to give up on him either, but it's making me ill living under this stress. Neither boys help much, this one works part time pot washing in the local pub for pennies, the other has been in his room 2 years. I'm broke now tax credit and maintenance have stopped. How do i get them moving to work and contribute? i've tried being reasonable, i've tried threats, nothing works. They have no where else to go. I've just completed 12 weeks of counselling which got me no answers
Blimey that sounds really awful, I'm not sure there are any easy answers in this scenario.
I would however tell your son (when you are both calm) that you will not tolerate that behaviour anymore and if it continues he will have to leave.
I think tough love, it's not fair that he is taking his anger out on you.
Do you give them money? Pay for their phones? Buy them food/clothes?
I would start with clamping down on all of that until their behavior improves.
What were they like during their early teens? How did they do at school? Do they have friends?
I understand that there has been a massive bereavement, but is this behaviour different from before?
Do you have a male relative (grandparent or uncle) who could spend some time with the boys and talk to them. Eighteen is a tough age without dealing with bereavement. I feel for you OP.
I think you might need to consider asking home to leave. It's not fair on you or your 14 to live in that environment.
You need to sit down and have a good think about exactly what you expect of him and what you want to happen if he continues to behave so appallingly. I'd write it all down. You need to be as pragmatic as possible. Don't just let this drift and don't put up with it because of his fathers death.