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do you know where and who your 16 year old is with when they go out?

8 replies

MinaPaws · 05/08/2018 23:06

Just wondering if I'm being too cautious. I'm away from home working right now. DH rang for a chat and told me that DS2 had told him I knew he was going round to some stranger's house in london for dinner tomorrow. I didn't. I knew he was meeting up in a public place with a big crowd of people he knows a bit, and thought that was fine as it's a safe place in the centre and he likes these people. But dinner afterwards in someone's house? I want to know who where, name, phone number and maybe speak to the person who invited him. DH thinks this is treaidng on DS's toes. Am I overreacting? It's not as though he'll be alone with whoever it is.(We'll make it clear he has to leave if it drops down to only one or two people.)

OP posts:

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weaselwords · 05/08/2018 23:12

I know it makes me a massive stalker, but this is why I like “Find Friends” for this age. You can give them a long leash but still know where they are.

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BackforGood · 05/08/2018 23:14

I know where she is going and who with (in general). If a group are going I might not know all of them. Sometimes quite often I don't personally know them..... it will be 'X,Y and Z from school', or 'A and B I met at camp at Easter' sort of level of 'knowing' who they are.
However, that would tend to be when she is meeting somewhere public - like going to the pictures or something.
If she were going to someone's house I'd want to know who they were, and who else were going, and where the house was.
I wouldn't know their phone number (what use would that be??), and I certainly wouldn't try to speak to the other person.
SO i'm sort of with your dh.
The important thing is to let them know what to do if they ever feel uncomfortable in a situation. Let them know that you will come and fetch them, wherever they are, whatever time if they need help. Make sure they are sensible and streetwise enough to not meet with someone they'e met on the internet. Make sure they understand things like not going back to people's houses they've only just met that night, and so forth. Give them confidence but also 'escape strategies', and experience growing up where they have to make their own decisions / choices.

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Cherryminx · 05/08/2018 23:14

I would want to know who, where, how he knows the person, who else is going, how he intends to get home. We don't live in a city so usually I have to go and pick him up anyway but if its a sleepover I'd usually contact parents to check its ok.

It slightly depends on your DS. Is he trustworthy or has he got form for bending the truth.

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sam235corner · 06/08/2018 07:33

I like to know who my son is spending my time with but teenagers seem to hate divulging this information. I think 16 year olds thing they're 18! My husband is able to check our DS whereabouts through his phone, it certainly makes me feel better (our son doesn't know we can do this). He's on a long leash but I always know where he is.

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BeachyUmbrella · 06/08/2018 07:42

And tell them about this::
www.google.co.uk/amp/s/bertfulks.com/2017/02/23/x-plan-giving-your-kids-a-way-out-xplan/amp/

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brizzledrizzle · 06/08/2018 07:56

We do something similar to the x plan with a different code, it's embarrassing when they are signing off with x and you go all dramatic when they were just being affectionate

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LoniceraJaponica · 06/08/2018 07:58

I do, because DD is very open about who she is seeing, and where she is going. We live in a rural area with only hourly trains that only go to a couple of places. So if DD needs a lift, obviously I'll know where she is going. Not all of the villages that her friends live in have a bus service from where we live, I often end up running her to places.

I imagine that in urban areas where public transport is better there wouldn't be the need to know as much.

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MinaPaws · 06/08/2018 15:25

Thanks all. I'm going to look up 'Find Friends.'

Just checked out that website Beachy. That's such good advice. Too late for today ut from now on, it's fine. I have no app on his phone to be able to locate him at the moment. Will sort this out when we update his phone next week. I don't want to cramp his style, but he's not streetwise and he doesn't have close friends at school, so while I'm delighted he gets on with these people, they come from all over London and I haven't yet met them.