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Difficult relationship between DS (15) and Dd (4)

(4 Posts)
hellolovelyone Tue 31-Jul-18 21:27:13

Hi sorry already put this on the parenting thread but not much luck so thought I would try the teenagers one - sorry for repost!

Just after some advice really from anyone who might have kids similar ages to mine!
I have 3 - DD (17), DS (15) and DD (4) - BIG GAP, I know.

I am really struggling at the moment with the relationship between my youngest DD and DS. DD has always adored DS and they have had a really close relationship, he has always been totally sweet with her and the one time he isn't being his usual teenager-y self has been with her. However, lately this seems to all have changed and DS wants nothing to do with her, calls her a dick, finds her really annoying and wants to be left alone. I am absolutely gutted. He is actually quite nasty to her at times and is constantly just being rude and shutting the door of his room. DD is really upset about it, tearful, etc and I don't know what to do! I have tried to speak to DS but he is just being moody and says she is annoying and he is 15 and shouldn't have to look after her! He can get quite nasty with me as well.

DD (17) has never done this and is always lovely and helps out and supportive. She says DS is being a dick! (I have to agree!)

Has anyone got any experience of this? Is it normal and is it a phase he will (quickly?!) grow out of? Any advice on what I can do to try and restore their previous good relationship sad
Thank you x

OP’s posts: |
Hassled Tue 31-Jul-18 21:35:43

Well - in fairness, should he have to look after her? It all sounds pretty normal tbh - 15 year old boys have pretty much nothing on common with 4 year old girls, and while he's bound to love her you can't expect him to necessarily like her. Let him have his space, but absolutely call him out on any meanness - that's unacceptable.

I have a similar age gap - but much older than yours. And they're close as anything now - but when DC1 was a teenager he wanted to do his own thing, and that didn't involve toddlers. Which is fair enough.

hellolovelyone Tue 31-Jul-18 21:47:20

Thanks @Hassled,

I guess you are right, and no absolutely, he doesn't have to look after her and I rarely ever ask him to. It's just a shame because he used to enjoy doing things with her, i.e last summer they used to go to the park, bake stuff together, take selfies on his phone all the time, and the change is just really upsetting.

But I am probably over reacting, just haven't been through this with DD1 and so a bit gutted.

OP’s posts: |
nellly Tue 31-Jul-18 22:22:41

Sadly I do think this is normal. My two are close together in age but my own mum remarried so when my brothers and i were 17/15/13 we got two new baby siblings!! We were the same for the first few years and doted on them. We all three went through a phase of being really irritated, finding them annoying and being asked to do anything that could be seen as benefiting them. All combined with normal teenage drama too lol. If it helps we're now late 20s (and 31) and have a wonderful relationship. They are a lovely little aunt and uncle to my two and we've all taken them on holiday and for weekends away. It started to mellow once we got a bit older and got more independent so didn't feel stuck at home with little kids.
Hopefully will be the same for you

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