12 yo DD on social media / aggression from boys

[Strotty]

Hi everyone
Does anyone have a view on this? Discussing school day with DD (12) this evening and she was upset because some boy at school is insisting on calling her names. She's not been able to shake him off and was worried that if she stood up to him he'd get his mates on to her.

She mentioned one kid in particular and said she "is scared" of him. They're all in her form (year 7). This rang an alarm with me and we talked about this some more and then she showed me her phone. We check through her phone regularly and we talk about how the kids talk to her - tbh I also use it as opportunity to have relationship chats - what not to put up with from boyfriends etc. Anyway, basically this kid has been bigging himself up on snapchat and is having a go at DD in front of her form. He is using foul language about her (f words galore) and threatened violence initially against another girl (not on snapchat). Said he wanted to run her face over with a lawnmower and also my DD's. Also making personal and nasty remarks about her appearance (although she is lovely). When DD stood up mildly for herself ("sez you" ... "look in the mirror" sort of thing), she was shouted down by his mates calling her a "stupid effing pr*" and to "STFU".

I'm pretty appalled by the language of 12 year olds but more that boys are ganging up on girls so aggressively. Also that the girls don't back her, but tbh I wouldn't expect them to as they'd become targets.

So I am going into school tomorrow to chat to the pastoral team and show them the snapchat to make them aware of this kid ... though am sure they may be already aware of him. DD says she feels he wants to thump her and she is scared of him and that's enough for me to go in. ... but is this the norm ??

Do any other mums check their kids phones and see this sort of thing? What are your opinions about all this? Grateful for your input y'all.

[AjasLipstick]

It's not the norm no....I have a 13 year old DD and her male classmates are mild mannered. At least the ones she speaks to on social media! Definitely go in....it's actually a police job in reality. Making threats on social media is a crime. I'd also speak to the police OP. It might be that the boy is already on their notice but he might not be and this is what he needs.

[ILoveDolly]

It's not normal behaviour imo. My dd is a similar age and her although she had some pretty rough boys in her class last year, there was nothing like this. Hope the school take it seriously, the level of aggression is totally unacceptable

[Beamur]

I'd go to the school too.
Why does she have contact with this boy though? Can she block him? And all his mates...

[Booop]

Block them all. Screen shot everything. Go to school and Police.

[Strotty]

Thanks so much for your replies. It is good to know that most boys not aggressive.

It's her form group snapchat and generally it "what books do we need today" .. but yes it will be deleted from her phone definitely.

These boys got everyone cowtowed and they are "snakes" if they report them to school - she was so scared when I told her I was going in to school to speak to pastoral team, but when I explained to her the level of "not ok"-ness about the boys' language and aggression she understood and now feels school need to know.

I definitely have to make a stand - if I don't then it is basically condoning their behaviour to her and setting a precedent for when she is older..... just hope school will deal with it - just before summer holidays - think the heat of the past couple of months has gone to their heads!

[motortroll]

Agree with your actions!

Don't make excuses for them, a lot of us are struggling with the heat but not everyone is going round threatening people!

[NorthernSpirit]

It’s not normal behaviour and totally out of order.

Do bear in mind though that it’s against the law for children to have any form of SM under the age of 13 - FB, Snapchat, Insta etc. So your daughter has lied about her age to get the app. If it goes to the police you may have to explain this. The reason it’s this age as it’s deened that under 13 kids aren’t mature enough to use it, this is a classic example.

[claraschu]

Not against the law- against the rules of various social media websites.

[Milfromhades]

This sounds particularly bad. My dd is in yr 9 of a pretty average secondary and although there have been some incidents and bullying nothing on that level. I think this is a bad school to have so much bullying and aggressive behaviour in year 7.

[Strotty]

Thanks for that everyone and for your support in particular. Just to update, I spoke to the pastoral team this morning - took my concerns seriously and said that the class will be warned as a whole and then these 2 x boys will be taken out separately to give their account and relevant action taken. If it occurs again school said they will get their police officer in. If it happens over the holidays I have been urged to inform police.

Just this morning we checked DD's phone and there was a threat by this kid to "bang" this other girl who they were originally threatening (lawnmower remark in original post with my DD included). I reported this to the school and showed them the snapchat. Will be interesting what happens next as have been warned there could be some fallout! I have prepared DD for this and to stick up for herself but can be hard when these boys are "big and bulky" as she says. They keep telling the girls to "shut up" if they don't like what they say. I made pastoral teacher absolutely aware DD will not be shut up and will stick up for herself and and when the need arises.

But am stressing and can't concentrate on anything today as don't know if she's ok. :(

She is at an "outstanding" school in the Leeds area, with a reputation for kind and considerate behaviour! Looks like message isn't getting through to all.