Depressed DSD

[scarletthw]

DSD is 15- shy, but clever and pretty. Never talks to me and says she can’t trust me and that she can’t trust anyone. Used to be a lovely girl, 2 years ago she had a big breakdown at school and said she’d been self harming and tried to commit suicide; me and DH thought it might be a cry for help. She refused seeing a counsellor. Lost most of her friends but last year seemed to be more optimistic and making recovery. Since January she has been going on about how she wants to change schools, doesn’t like anyone. Locking herself in her room and not going out the house. Last month, I got a call from her form tutor saying she was been suspended for drinking alcohol (she’d stolen it from home) and smoking. This is the girl who gets straight A* grades and never puts a foot wrong. Her mother had a bad relationship with alcohol too which makes things worse. Tutor said that she’d finally agreed to see a counsellor, so we had a meeting where she completely broke down in tears (she’s v unemotional) and said that her mother had done something bad to her. Since then she brushes it off every time I try to talk about it, and laughs about drinking and smoking and clearly doesn’t care. She writes in a diary which I believe to be v macabre. She says that she’s just stressed about school, but DH is convinced she wants to commit suicide again. What do I do???

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

She does sound very stressed. Has DH spoken to the school?

[scarletthw]

She is definitely very stressed, and being a high achiever adds even more pressure to her.

DSD’s form tutor phoned us and said that DSD is very confused, stressed and that something is wrong because she’s been very down in school for the last few weeks. DSD said that she was stressed about work, but that she thought there were bigger issues that she wasn’t saying and that she should perhaps see the school counsellor to talk things through, after the suspension.

She seems v tired all the time so not sure if this is a sign of depression again, or if she’s not been sleeping.

We had a meeting as well as tutor with head of year who is a formidable and unapproachable lady. Even she said that DSD needed help because she clearly had a lot on her mind.

I know that this could be just normal teenage worries and angst, but I’m scared for her that things are a lot deeper than she’s letting on. I also had a tough time as a teen so seeing all the signs again is awful!

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

If she’s tired, is she eating enough? Does she take any supplements? I know a lot of teenage girls can be anaemic. Do you take electronics overnight or does she have them in her room?

I don’t feel able to advise you much more, my DD is younger but 15 was a difficult age for me too. Is paying privately for counselling an option?

[scarletthw]

I don’t think there is an eating disorder but she is very inconsistent with her eating, sometimes a lot, and sometimes almost nothing. I don’t know how much she eats at school, but I don’t think there is a problem. She is very slim, but always at a consistent weight.

No supplements but iron three a day as she’s severely anaemic. She has terribly heavy periods so anaemia stems from that; I am the same so I know how run down it can make you feel.

I ask her to give me her phone at night so she can sleep, but she often forgets (probably intentionally!) so sleep pattern may be disrupted.

She is a huge worrier so the type of girl to lay in bed thinking loads, bless her.

We haven’t heard back from form tutor about school counsellor yet, and I understand there is a long waiting list. I don’t want her to wait though as she could be harming her self in the mean time, so want to get the issue sorted ASAP.

Private counselling is a possibility, but would definitely be a stretch and whilst DH and I would be prepared to pay, it depends how much it would cost. With school fees, holidays, birthdays etc, I’m not sure if we could expend the budget that far, especially as DH is unemployed atm xx

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

Could you speak to her Form Tutir tomorrow and chase up the School Counselling? If they coukd let you know how long the waiting list is, that might help you decide on whether you wish to access alternative counselling for her.

[scarletthw]

Yes, thanks for your suggestion I should do that. Form tutor did say we could contact her at any time but it’s their holidays now (school finished early July) so I feel awful disturbing her. Counselling will therefore be September at the earliest for school, and CAMHS also have a long waiting list. It’s just a matter of whether we can afford private counselling or not.

Aaah, all of this is stressing me out! I dread to think that she could be suicidal and self harming again. Her behaviour has been so different to normal, and I’m scared she’s only the slippery slope down. I think she knows that she needs to speak to someone but doesn’t feel comfortable talking to someone involved in her everyday life. DH’s mum passed away in March and DSD loved her very dearly so I think she might still be mourning that.

It’s so unfortunate. Teenage years are difficult anyway with exams and hormones etc. Add in any extra problems and everything seems 10x worse! Xx

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

I’m sorry to hear about your DMIL. If you think she may be grieving, which would be on,y natural, I think Winston’s Wish have forums where she can chat to other teens about her grief. I don’t know if she would be willing to try it though.

As for the self harm, have a look at this book for you and DH.

[Yorkshirebornandbread]

A bit of a long shot, but do you have private medical cover you can access through work? Do you think she will relax a bit in the holidays away from the pressure of school? Hopefully so.

[scarletthw]

Julie- I will mention Winston’s wish to her, but I think she will probably try and shut the topic down as she feels a bit uncomfortable talking about it. Will definitely check out the book. Thanks for that

Yorkshire- no private healthcare through work unfortunately. I’m not sure, obviously the stress of exams and homework has been alleviated, but being less busy could give her time for her mind to wander? She is planning to see some friends next week but they always seem to bail out on her at the last minute unfortunately