Help needed

[mintymurray]

my 15 year old daughter has been in conflict with myself as i will not let her stay at my house overnight by herself. I work abroad 1 month on 1 month off,
This weekend her mum went away for the weekend with her other children leaving my daughter home by herself, ( she says a neighbor was there to watch over her )i only found this out on Saturday. my daughter went for a sleep over at a friends saturday night, and went home sunday at 15:30 . at 8pm an ambulance is called as she is drunk in the house by herself sending her friends strange text messages, her friends mum phones mum and says she has rung an ambulance for her , so my daughter spends last night at the local hospital, i phone this morning stating that my GF is happy to come and get her after the DR have seen her this morning, only to be told is my ex wife happy with that !! anyway i then find out my ex wife says she will collect my daughter tea time !! as they are still on holiday , not much i can do from the other end of the world.

help advice words of wisdom please...

[Isadora2007]

I’m confused. Who is on holiday?

[mintymurray]

sorry my daughters mother is on holiday, she left my daughter alone from friday morning

[kocerhan3]

After the behaviour and hassle she exhibited, no chance would she be allowed to be alone over night again!!! YANBU. She's shown immaturity and lack of responsibility yet wants more freedoms?! No way. And sounds like Mum is far to trusting of her daughter and not bothered by the fact she spent the night in hospital?! Id be annoyed

[Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname]

Very lucky SS weren't involved in the circumstances you describe.

[mintymurray]

I am more than annoyed ... frustrated , and at a loss, i think my daughter knows she is in the wrong as when i phoned the hospital i hardly go two words in and she put the phone down, There i snot cat in hell chance of my daughter being alone for even 1 night in my house.
my concern is what will social services take on it be ???

[mintymurray]

I am not sure if they are involved, my father phoned the hospital last night when he found out ( he lives in south wales us in the north )they mentioned SS to him, he warned me of this today, but i cannot do anything , i am stuck away till the 28th

[FusionChefGeoff]

If the hospital want to discharge her, surely they'd be insisting on an adult being there?? If Mum won't come home until later I'd imagine that would raise red flags for SS referral unless she's physically stuck eg public transport etc means she can't get back any earlier??

Does DD spend lots of time with you / GF when you're not away?

It's very odd that she won't accept the GF picking her up. Is it Mum who's stopping that or DD?

[mintymurray]

my DD spends time with the GF ( not as much as they used to) but they get on, and chat , not sure who is stopping it i suspect Mum is stopping it,

[NorthernSpirit]

The NSPCC state that a child should not be left alone overnight.

The mother has acted irresponsibly IMO.

You / your OH offered to pick her up and the mother declined (while she’s still in holiday). Totally selfish and irresponsible of her. I would pick the girl up.

[NorthernSpirit]

Meant to say -The NSPCC state children under the age of 16 should not be left alone overnight

[mintymurray]

Thank you all for you r help, DD is at her mums, it transpires she was playing an online game whilst drinking , a boy she knew could hear her being sick then went very quite so he rang a friend in the same village who ran down to her found her unconscious, she phoned an ambulance and her mum,
I spoke to mental health team last night they want to chat to her some more ,
also spoke to her mum and said it was wrong that she left her all weekend, she thought she would be responsible and NOW says she cannot be left alone !!! ( what i have been saying all along ) i also said that she needs to stop giving the girls drink and thinking thats ok ( 13 and 15) her partner said the same thing. i said we also need to stop petty arguments about parenting the girls ( i am too controlling and dont let them get away with half as much as she does ,,, easy life or parenting )
I have been AF for the past year with no alcohol in my house and had been explaining to my girls the reasons why . hopefully they will understand now...

[Monty27]

So you need to get back then?
Or have you absolved yourself and blaming everyone else because your girls aren't being parented properly. No excuse for the DM to bugger off on holiday as presumably she is the primary carer. Right mess isn't it.
Do what you got to do. Your dd probably feels abandoned. And who could blame her.

[mintymurray]

i am due home next week, and i am now looking for work local , working away is not going to work anymore .. it is a mess and yes the girls probably do feel lost and abandoned ,I certainly have not absolved myself in my parenting duties. its a work life balance,

[Nooblynoo]

I don't understand. Who has custody? You're away every other month, is your girlfriend in the house? The mothers giving the children alcohol is ridiculous.

[mintymurray]

the consent order is i can have the children 90% of the time that i am home, worked very well whilst they were small , as they grew older they are more reluctant to keep moving stuff between houses, they spend three to four nights a week at mine when i am home , my girlfriend lives in a separate house to myself