How to do modify behaviour - please help!

(2 Posts)
onlyoranges Sun 10-Jun-18 15:21:16

Our dd has always been ‘a challenge’. Sometimes she’s lovely but generally she is rude, easily becomes angry and extremely thoughtless. We have other dcs so I understand this can come with the territory but this is to the point where I feel like I am being bullied. My dh goes out of his way to take her to sporting events where she can be very rude to him in front of other parents. When we try and explain this is unacceptable she flies into a rage and you just can’t talk to her. Her elder brother told my dh and I last night he has had enough of her and if he hears her being rude to me again and makes me cry he is going to deal with it. He was upset when he was telling us and we can’t carry on like this. We have tried everything; grounding, withdrawal of privileges, removal of devices, talking, reasoning, shouting, threatening, pleading and I could go on. I lost my family Mum, Dad and brother over these last 3 years and I am tired life is tough and all this is always over such trivial things. Have people been through this and come out the other side with a positive outcome? Am I doing something fundamentally wrong? She’s been to CAHMs but it didn’t go very far as they didn’t see our issues as massive compared to others on their waiting list but it’s making us miserable.

OP’s posts: |
OhOfCourse Sun 10-Jun-18 15:27:47

I wrote your post over a year ago. The only thing that worked was withdrawing.

Don't try hard with her. Let her realise that that behaviour doesn't work with you - that you will focus on other things.

One piece of advice another poster gave me which was useful to remember, was this was nature's way of us letting them go so they could be independent.

My daughters behaviour changed, and I can't say hand on heart it's because I withdrew but it did save me. She knew exactly what to say to me to have me in uncontrollable tears.

She was so rude and disrespectful I just couldn't deal with it anymore and I became desensitised. She's lovely now and takes me out and spends time with me unprompted.

I reckon she just grew up.

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