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What time should a 16 year old be allowed to stay out until?

(20 Posts)
Theodicilent Fri 25-May-18 22:48:10

DS is 16, due to leave school this summer. He thinks he should be able to stay out visiting friends etc as long as he wants. I can’t go to bed until he’s in safely so I’d like him in by 10.30 latest. He’s out at the minute refusing to come home yet. He’s always been really good and easy going so this is unlike him but, with coming up to leaving school, he thinks he is old enough to stay out until he decides. Am I right to insist he comes home when I say at 16?

OP’s posts: |
RandomMess Fri 25-May-18 22:50:20

Depends on sooooooo much! How streetwise, how sensible, how are they getting home, where they are going out to, who they are hanging out with...

AlexanderHamilton Fri 25-May-18 22:50:54

My 16 year old year 11 has to be in by 9pm.

VioletCharlotte Fri 25-May-18 22:56:22

My DS has just turned 17, holidays and weekends he doesn't have a set time he needs to be home , but I like to know where he is and he has to text me if he decides to sleep at a mates. I trust him and his friends are a good crowd and I have never really had any issues.

During term time, again I don't really give him a set time to be in, but he's normally is by 10.30/11 as he has to be up the next day.

The summer after GCSEs, most teens do want to be out all the time with their mates, and there's a lot of parties and drinking going on. I've been through it with both of mine and remember it well myself!

RandomMess Fri 25-May-18 22:58:45

I'm like VioletCharlotte. I do trust my DD she will phone if there is an issue and I don't want to be like my parents who were so miserable I wasn't allowed out etc - I left Home at the earliest opportunity so I could stay out past 11pm...

Wildlingofthewest Fri 25-May-18 22:58:47

I would say 10.30 is reasonable unless he’s out a something specific that finishes later?
Do you know where he is/who he’s with?
I wouldn’t be happy if he’s just roaming the streets but if he’s out doing something then fair enough.
Leaving school doesn’t make him an adult! What is he doing over the summer and beyond??

Theodicilent Fri 25-May-18 23:01:41

He’s usually on his bike so I can’t go and pick him up. He’s said he’ll come back now as he knows I’m getting annoyed. I just don’t know how long I have the right to tell him when to be in by but it means waiting up for him until he feels like coming home. I don’t know the friends very well but he’s known them through school a long time and doesn’t tend to get in any trouble. They don’t seem to have a curfew except one who rarely goes out with them. The area isn’t great to be wandering about late.

OP’s posts: |
purplecorkheart Fri 25-May-18 23:01:47

It is a hard one. If he will be working and paying for his keep then really I think you cannot put a 10.30 curfew. However I would expect him to let you know what time he due back etc. However if not I would be saying 11/11.30

RandomMess Fri 25-May-18 23:03:47

DD will often arrange to sleep over or if she's coming home a group will walk her back...

You could offer to drop off and pick up rather than him cycle?

Theodicilent Fri 25-May-18 23:04:07

He has a part time job for over summer and will go to college in September.

Violet Charlotte do you wait up until they get in?

OP’s posts: |
RandomMess Fri 25-May-18 23:07:23

I get lots of texts so if I fall asleep then wake up there is an update!

With my eldest I was more anxious but had to get over it especially when she got a bar job and got in 4-6am shock

Wildlingofthewest Fri 25-May-18 23:07:30

He’s 16, he’s living in your house so frankly he has to abide by your rules.
It doesn’t sound like he’s actually doing anything constructive either - wandering around at night....
Do none of his mates ever pop over to get him? Do they ever come round for food? (My bother and his mates would pile into my mum’s, make pizzas, demolish them and then go off to play football or the like when he was 16/17!)

VioletCharlotte Fri 25-May-18 23:14:34

No I don't wait up. I'm normally in bed by 10, so it's not reasonable to expect them to be in that early.

I have my phone next to my bed and the volume loud so I would wake up if they phoned me (it's only happened once!)

VioletCharlotte Fri 25-May-18 23:16:20

I have got an older DS though, so I can understand why you're anxious as this is all new to you! I was probably less relaxed with DS1!

LooseyInTheSky Fri 25-May-18 23:21:22

Case by case basis surely. When the concert finishes, if they are getting a lift or public transport after the party, if they're out in public or at a mate's house. Each situation requires assessment, notwithstanding the personality of the child in question and the variables that personality can create.

Tansytaylor Fri 25-May-18 23:25:17

It'd be about 9.30-10pm in this house - special occasions excepting

Theodicilent Sat 26-May-18 06:37:50

Thanks it’s good to know what others do. For those who do set a curfew time, what age/circumstance do you think is the point when it’s unreasonable to do that?

OP’s posts: |
Nb65988 Sat 26-May-18 07:14:31

16 I was finally allowed to breathe I was working paying rent to my mum was going out and I didn't have a time I was always back or if u have bf u stayed there not at my house my parents were stricked on me I would go out have a drink get grounded for. a month and 30 mins taken of my time I needed to be in u was grounded all the time I ended up drinking early on a sat so when h had to go in at 8.30 I was sober I hated having to come in at that time I was not allowed a bf but at 16 I was paying my way and I loved it but there's just something about the excitement of getting caught but did I learn a lesson probably I'm in a 12 year relationship 3 boys together we worked our way from the bottom with nothing to were we are now

Sofabitch Sat 26-May-18 07:24:07

My 16 year old doesn't have a curfew. He has to let me know where he is and roughly when he will be back.

But he is very sensible and well behaved. Perhaps if he wasn't I mihht be stricter. I think it depends on the young person. I moved out at 16. So i do feel they need to be allowed freedom and the oppertunity to make mistakes whilst there is still a safety net.

AlexanderHamilton Sat 26-May-18 10:21:21

It does depend on circumstances. Dd has no local friends. So if she stayed out after 9pm she would literally be hanging round on her own.

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