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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

Eldest DD

11 replies

RosieWoodChelt · 19/05/2018 16:43

My eldest DD is 14 and has a boyfriend who is 15 and we have a close relationship where we can discuss most things. I know she has been intimate to a certain level with him even though I think she is too young. She has admitted he wants to DTD. Help? Advice? I know the law but that really isn't the thing I am worrying about. I don't want to alienate her but to support her. Any others been in same sitch?

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JiltedJohnsJulie · 19/05/2018 17:25

No sorry and I’m dreading my DD getting to her teen years. Hopefully this will bump for you though

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RosieWoodChelt · 19/05/2018 18:25

She's admitted to doing the BJ and have to admit was bit shocked. I know times are different but I hadn't even touched a boy sexually at that age.

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cantkeepawayforever · 19/05/2018 18:35

Is this another older sibling to the 10 and 9 year olds whose secondary education you posted extensively about?

Is this older child also away at boarding school? If so, where is she? How have you found it, and how does it compare to the schools that you are considering for the 10 year old you have previously posted about?

On the subject of your post, it will obviously depend a little on whether she is living at home with you, or is out of your direct circle of day-to-day control at the boarding schools you were considering. Tbh, as you have stated that all your daughters are heavily into extra-curricular sporting etc activity, perhaps encouraging and supporting lots of sporting commitments etc might be a way of limiting time available for a boyfriend who seems to want rather too much, too young?

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RosieWoodChelt · 19/05/2018 18:39

She is the eldest yes and boards in Sussex. She does a lot of sport .and your suggestion/idea is fantastic but she seems determined about the BF

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Nb65988 · 26/05/2018 11:08

It's horrible at least she has told u try persuading her not to have full sex right now how long have they been dating is he a nice kid

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RosieWoodChelt · 26/05/2018 23:03

He is nice person and yeh he is nice to her. I am proud she can feel able to be open with me but just wish she can hold back.Problem is many of her friends have already DTD. .............................

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chocolateworshipper · 27/05/2018 10:18

No words of advice, all I can say is that it is good that she talks to you in advance. Which my DD had. I'm sure you've had the conversation about condoms, but I would also try to talk to her about how sex is generally different for girls than it is for boys - in general, there is more emotional attachment involved for a girl.

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RosieWoodChelt · 27/05/2018 10:53

I have made sure she is aware that condoms are a must every time unless in a 100% committed 121 and she has other contraception. I think impressing on her that for girls sex is different is a fantastic point. Totally agree. My first time was too soon and I regretted it as I didn't realise the emotional element. I want DD to have better experience. I still want her to wait but it is half term and she is home now from school so am expecting thing this week. Your message was so kind. Thank you.

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peoplearemean · 28/05/2018 11:53

Where does she meet him at home or at school? I'd be concerned over the boarding school set up if it's there and all her friends have "done the deed" surely raises questions about security and pastoral care etc?
I'd also be making sure she understands that not all her friends who say they have will have done and pointing out those where they've had their hearts broken etc. At least she is talking to you about it.

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metalmum15 · 28/05/2018 12:10

It's good that she talks to you, I have no idea what advice to give apart from just being open and honest, which you both seem to be. The only thing that concerns me is that she's obviously pleasuring him but is it being reciprocated? I'm not necessarily condoning the idea of them having a sexual relationship as I think they're too young, but I do think you should make sure she understands it's not all about what he wants. I can well remember being young and it all being about a boys needs, blow job, hand job, whatever, quite often it wasn't mutual. That can lead to a lot of problems in adult relationships with the girl feeling less equal. Personally I'd be advising her to wait a couple of years for more emotional maturity, but we all know teenagers hate to take advice!

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RosieWoodChelt · 28/05/2018 12:15

She meets him during school holidays as he is local but she is away at school. I get totally all you say about the inequality. I fear she is giving him pleasure but maybe it is one way traffic. I feel she is too young but at least she feels able to talk to me openly. I would rather that than her being secretive. I will support her but it is half term this week and she is seeing him a lot so I suspect her mind is already made up.