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Inappropriate photos

(14 Posts)
molliepops01 Mon 07-May-18 07:30:10

Hi all
I am at my wits end with my dd whonis 13, nearly 14. Since starting seconds School it’s been a real eye opener for us. gone is my sweet, polite, academic little girl, replaced by this mass ball of hormones, who grunts shouts and is down right ride at times.
It’s been tougher since last September- when she started year 8 due to her attitude and behaviour both at home and school. She ended up being out on report at school which resulted in her not having her beloved phone or tablet for almost 5 months. She earnt then back in Feb after coming off the report and it seemed we had a breakthrough- she felt she had no friends and was trying to fit in at school. When she had been doing well at school she was getting picked on (surprised me as it is a grammar school) and she could see that some of the other kids who were misbehaving were popular so wanted to copy them.
Anyway fast forward to this weeks problem!!
A few weeks ago she posted a really inappropriate pic on Instagram. It was one of her posing in a skirt that she had hitched up to show her bottom. I have her social media on my phone too so I can see her account and Also any messages. I told her to take it down as it wasn’t appropriate and that it was too sexualised for a 13 yr old. She stripped and moaned and said it was ok and despite being told a few times to take it down she didn’t, so I told her step dad- who is completely anti social media and also a lot more strict then I am, who told her to take it down immediately, which she did and then stropped about it.
A few days later she posted a pic of her in a bikin top- where she is leaning forward so you have full on cleavage and her boobs are just about being contained. Again I told her to take it down, it wasn’t appropriate etc. Which she did. I had a chat with her the next day when the situation calmed down explaining how dangerous it can be posting stuff like that, how it can make her come across to people who don’t know her well, how it reflects on us as parents. She then says she does it for the amount of likes as it makes her feel popular and she likes the attention. Obvious I find this really worrying and said to her so what happens when you don’t get the likes what level do you take it to next, told her that she doesn’t need to have validation or attention from social media-that comes from Real life. She cries and says she is sorry won’t do it again.
Low and behold, today I find a secret account she has and she has posted these pics on there!!! I am so annoyed upset and disappointed I feel I can’t trust her and that she is devious. Again the reason she has done it is for the attention. I just don’t know where to go from here. At the moment I have told her she isn’t going in the Internet as she obviouy can’t be trusted. I wouldn’t mind but she had only just earnt the Internet back after playing up at School a week ago!!
Completely worried about what she will do next for attention, not to mention that imo she is trying to get the wrong attention.
It just seems like us a constant battle with her over everything!!
Congratulations if you made it this far!!

OP’s posts: |
Reiltin Mon 07-May-18 07:37:15

Is there something she likes doing that you can get her more involved, where she can grow good friendships - dance, guides, etc? I feel for her, thinking she doesn’t have any friends. That sounds awful. If you can help her get more into something she enjoys, she should gain both friends and self-confidence, which should help.

molliepops01 Mon 07-May-18 07:47:35

We thought the same, get her. Ahibbie interest so that she can build her confidence and friendships outside if School, so she has just started boxing, which seems to really enjoy. She has got a couple of friends, but the girls she was close last year turned on her and were actually really horrible- saying stuff like she was poor and were very judgemental about our house and were always putting her down it took her a while but she eventually realised that they weren’t real friends. I know she has struggled to see where she fits in since this happened and it has had an effect on her confidence. Then the other set of girls- the “popular” ones also turned on her at the same time, notbinvitjng her Ronald tues as apparently she ruined the pics if the last one by not wearing a shirt skirt and by being too fat!!!! So I can see why she feels the need to doposy the pics but I don’t know how to get her to realise that it’s mot the answer. Am hoping that boxing will become her new interest and give her the confidence she has to have.

OP’s posts: |
BackInTime Mon 07-May-18 09:00:53

I know it is of little consolation but your DD is not the only one to post this stuff online. It is a sad thing that being liked and popular now involves posting pictures on SM in your pants or showing cleavage. The need to be liked, to belong and to fit in is sometimes so strong that it overrides any common sense in even the most sensible well behaved kids. DDs instagram is full pictures of pictures of girls like this which makes me think that either their parents don’t mind or they don’t monitor their DCs SM. I suspect the latter.

If DD posts anything inappropriate online I also make her take it down. I also get the massive strops and claims that I am the only parent that does this. My hope is that one day she will look back and be thankful that I was that parent.

flowers

LIZS Mon 07-May-18 09:09:04

If you are aware that she is putting up the images despite your warnings and has secret accounts then you should speak to her head of year. There is a strong chance the images will be shared and she will be enticed to reveal more. The school can reiterate their policy to the pupils and sanction those who have or are breaking the law.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow Mon 07-May-18 09:23:31

I d be having a word with school. We've done lots about online safety tailored for all year groups triggered in part from incidents like this that have got out of hand. I'd also be talking to her head of year as these "friendships" are verging on bullying. And I know it's a minor thing, but I wouldn't be mentioning how it makes you look as parents and what people think of you. To a twelve year old with their rebel head on it will be like a red rag to a bull.
Good luck, remember, this too shall pass.

molliepops01 Mon 07-May-18 10:47:02

Thank you For all your responses. Have already spoken to School regarding the bullying and that has been dealt with. I know that they have been pulling their hair out over SM due to some online bullying. I will speak to them about this too.
I feel so sad that she feels that this is normal.
I am also annoyed and feel let down as we have discussed this before.

I think your right not to mention the effect it has in us I am sure that will only further encourage it!! Lol
Parenting teenagers is so hard!! Some days I feel like I am getting nowhere and will never come through this!!

OP’s posts: |
Screaminginsideme Mon 07-May-18 11:09:20

There are some good books on teenagers and empowering them to be more confident on the mighty girl website
www.amightygirl.com/

molliepops01 Mon 07-May-18 12:11:26

Thanks I will give it a go x

OP’s posts: |
LuluBellaBlue Mon 07-May-18 20:44:28

Not sure this is that helpful but I have a 14 yr old DS. I’m absolutely shocked what is sent to him and shared in their group chats from the girls (snapchat)
It really saddens me to see these young girls stripping off and sexualising themselves to get attention, whilst I’m trying to drum into him that women aren’t sexual objects!
Oh and I’ve read the comms between him and the girls, they’ve all been sent unrequested (otherwise I would be having a huge word with him!!)

molliepops01 Tue 08-May-18 06:15:44

It’s just so sad all round- for girls that are doing this and I know that she is by no means thenonly one doing this,’but also for the boys too. Well done for teaching your DS what’s right and wrong.

OP’s posts: |
BackInTime Tue 08-May-18 14:28:47

@Lulu Can I ask how you are able to see stuff sent to your DS via Snapchat as I thought the lure of this app was that everything disappeared unless they screen shot it. I would love to be able to monitor my DCs on this app so any tips would be greatly appreciated.

Apologies OP for the hijack!

molliepops01 Tue 08-May-18 15:38:49

No problems I would be interested to know too!!

OP’s posts: |
Nb65988 Sat 26-May-18 15:39:11

Don't tell the s school what they going to do about it and just who are these people that are liking by her pics she is seeing all these other people on it and she's copying really she's looking to fit in somewhere and people to like her but does she really want the boys at school to notice her there all sex crazed at high school agev14 is when they break there virginity why don't u take her shopping and u do her hair and make up and u take pictures off her and tell her she's not a celebrity so don't expect 100 of likes but show her how to do pics properly go easy on her she's at a funny age it's all about looks boys and sex soon buckle up x

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