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Teenagers

Grief striken

6 replies

zinger · 04/05/2018 06:50

My eldest is in her 1st year of A-levels, in her first serious relationship and going to Uni next year. A grief like feeling hit like a train a couple of months ago at the thought of her being grown up and moving away, seems daft as this is what I have been preparing her for. But I obviously haven't done a very good job of preparing myself!! Not looking for Advice, I can't be the only one to feel like this?

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2gorgeousboys · 04/05/2018 07:06

My DS1 currently in last year of A levels will hopefully go to Uni September. I know exactly what you mean, I feel sick at the thought of him moving out.

He's chosen a lovely university about an hour away and I had to stop myself from persuading him to stay at home and commute. I know he'll have an amazing experience, I know it's good for him and what we've spent the last 18 years preparing him for but......

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zinger · 04/05/2018 23:07

Not just me then, thanks for the reply :)

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pallisers · 04/05/2018 23:15

archive.boston.com/news/local/articles/2006/08/27/i_was_the_sun_the_kids_were_my_planets/

This sums it up for me. It is so common to feel like this (and a bit unacknowledged - as in you are supposed to feel glad they are grown up properly etc). My youngest will go to college in 2019 and that is the end of my house as a home bustling with school lifts and homework and dinners together and me and dh at the centre of it all. It will be different and different might be good too - even better - but I think it is ok to feel sorry at the loss of such a significant chapter of our lives. I have been a mother utterly focused on day to day minding/helping/shepherding my children for 22 years - longest I have ever done anything (I worked also through all of that time as did dh but our homelife was focused on our children, their activities, needs, friends etc). I will miss it.

But dh points out that we have known each other longer than that and married for a reason - we like each other a lot so who knows what good times lie ahead.

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Tvci5 · 05/05/2018 08:32

Hi it's quite normal for many of us. My son is in his first year at Uni and I really struggled when he left, I still miss him but it's not so intense,it gets better and him being so happy and doing well has helped.
I was worried about when he came home he would feel like a visitor but he fits right back in and it's like he's never been away and FaceTime helps.
There's a very good group over in higher education called " working our way through first year" or something like that. It's hard letting go.

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Yogagirl123 · 05/05/2018 08:44

It’s completely understandable to feel like that, I know I will be the same when the time comes.

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zinger · 05/05/2018 08:48

Thanks for the article, it really struck home (made me cry a little 😂😣).

Good to know there is some support, I will look up the group, thanks.

I was 18 when I had her so we've grown up together and have a unique relationship. I will still have another teen and toddler at home to keep me busy!!